#* silence is not a song you should know all the words too ! — answered meme.

[spencer-reid-in-a-pool]

It Was You All Along (Part 7)

Author’s note: So that wasn’t much of a break, but I couldn’t resist! Here is the next installment of the series, featuring a meme I made myself to reflect the vibes of the first half of this part! And yes, it is supposed to be that pixely. It adds spice. Also, I tried to be as vague as possible describing reader’s outfit towards the end so that you could imagine it the way you wanted! As always, feedback is appreciated, and I hope you all enjoy! Link to my ask box! 

Tags: @ayyyyitswednesdaymydoods @blackjay04 @weaselbee04​ @bravelittlesunflower​ @mxsmwndr​ 

A voice called for me, but I didn’t quite process it. I was too busy trying to fix this gigantic, gaping hole in Geralt’s trousers. Melitele knows if I don’t do it, he would just walk around with it decorating his attire. 

The voice called for me again, but this time I ignored it on purpose. If I lost concentration, I would prick myself with the needle...again. And I didn’t really want to turn my fingers into more of a bloody mess than they already were. 

I heard footsteps beside me, but I didn’t realize how close they were until a rush of coldness surrounded my body. Not only coldness, but wetness. A bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on me, causing me to scream and drop what I was doing as I stood up in shock. 

“Julian!” 

His real name still felt unfamiliar on my lips. I had taken to calling him that every so often, usually when I was angry with him, or when I was messing with him. It was for that reason, I think, that he froze so suddenly when I spoke. He wasn’t used to it either, even though he was the one that suggested I start using it more. 

The bucket made a small thump sound as it hit the ground beneath us, and Jaskier raised his hands up in an apology. But he also backed away like a scared animal. I almost felt bad for him. Almost, but not quite. 

“Now, (Y/N)...I was just trying to get your attention is all. It’s quite important, you see.”

I gathered my skirts in my hands and stomped towards him, scowling and shivering the whole way. 

“What could possibly be so important that you couldn’t wait until I was finished? And what made you think dumping cold water on me was a good idea?”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I starting running towards him, my clothes making a sloshing noise against my skin. A string of curse words left his mouth as he took off trying to get away from me. He could be quite fast when he wanted to be. But no way was I going to let him get away from me that easily. 

As soon as he picked up speed, so did I. He wove through the trees surrounding our campsite, going in between them like a maze. Eventually we made it back to where we started. My spot was near a tree and the pants I had been working on were visibly in a bunch on the ground. But behind that was the river that I’m assuming the idiot got the water in the first place. I wonder if I could lead him back there... and “accidentally” knock him in.

As luck would have it, I didn’t even have to put that thought into action. He had made his way to the edge of the river, and turned quickly on his heel trying to run away from me again. But he slipped on the muddy bank, and fell right into the water himself. 

Coming to a stop, a sharp laugh came from my chest suddenly. And I laughed even harder when he bobbed above the surface, hair sticking to his forehead and his fancy doublet soaked. 

“That’s what you get!” I yelled to him between bouts of laughter. 

While Jaskier pulled himself out of the water unceremoniously, I heard more footsteps behind me followed by a thud. Geralt must be back. Only one man I know could walk and sit down that heavily. 

I turned towards the sound, and sure enough, Geralt was sitting down on the log he had claimed as his earlier. He took one look at me and one look at Jaskier who was now standing on the bank of the river, shivering like his life depended on it. 

“I don’t even want to know,” said Geralt with a twitch of his eyebrow and a roll of his eyes. 

~

Night had fallen now. I couldn’t help but reflect on the past few months since that attack at our camp. Things had been pretty boring since then honestly. But I guess I couldn’t complain. Being bored was better than being in danger. 

Geralt was asleep and snoring at an unholy volume. This of course caused a glance between Jaskier and I, and sent us into a fit of silent laughter together. The kind of laughter that had your stomach hurting and your mouth open with no sound. The kind that had you grabbing onto your friend for dear life. Which is precisely what the two of us were doing right now. I had such a grip on Jaskier’s arm, I thought he surely must be in pain. But if he was, he made no mention of it and kept laughing with me. 

However much time had passed, it seemed to only be a few minutes. And I still had my hand on his arm, although my grip definitely lessened. He didn’t notice this either, and simply looked into the dying flames with dried tears from his laughter on his cheeks. My gaze lingered a moment too long on his cheeks, and I began to think about how gentle his eyelashes looked against his skin as he blinked. 

Heat rose in my cheeks and I silently withdrew my hand from his arm. This seemed to catch his attention though. 

“Composed yourself now? Don’t need to steady yourself from anymore laughter?”

There was a glint in his eye as he asked me the questions. I had to keep from smiling. 

“That depends. Got any jokes?”

He stood suddenly and rested a hand on his chin, making it seem like he was deep in thought. 

“You look as if you are composing a new song, Julian.”

“I’m a musician, my dear, I am always composing.” 

He paced around the fire, which was even lower than before. The way he took everything so seriously was something that entertained me, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself because of it. 

Suddenly, he opened his mouth in a silent “Aha!”

“(Y/N), why must you never use a broken pen?”

I paused for a moment and scrunched my face in thought, trying to come up with an answer. But before I could, he delivered the punch line. 

“It’s pointless, darling.”

I snorted at the same time Geralt groaned. The fucker was awake. 

Jaskier almost jumped out of his boots at the sudden noise, which only caused me to laugh again. The pain in my stomach from earlier was back, but I couldn’t keep from laughing. 

“Have you been awake this whole time, Geralt?” Jaskier yelled in surprise. 

“Long enough. Don’t you have anything better to do? Like sleep?”

Jaskier open and closed his mouth a few times before settling on a simple, “Right,” in response. He then took his spot a few feet away from Geralt and laid down for the night. 

“Goodnight, Geralt.” Jaskier said with a stifled yawn.

Geralt simply grunted in return, rolling over so his back was facing Jaskier. 

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Jaskier called in my direction. 

“Goodnight, Jaskier. And goodnight Geralt!” 

“Hmph,” was all I got in response. 

There was a silence over our camp now. But it was too quiet. The kind of quiet that felt like it would be broken at any moment now. Jaskier’s voice was what broke it, of course.

“Goodnight, Roach.”

“Oh, yeah! Goodnight, Roach and Lily!” I called out excitedly. 

“How could I forget Lily? Goodnight, Lily!” Jaskier parroted. 

“Oh, for the love of-” Geralt groaned loudly, sitting up and gathering his things. He promptly moved farther and farther away from us, settling on a spot under the cover of darkness in the trees. 

I snickered to myself as I got my things ready to lay down. Annoying Geralt had become one of our favorite things to do together over the past few months. 

It became silent again, and I could hear Jaskier’s even breathing now, signalling that he was asleep. I had the feeling I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Call it instinct, I guess. 

I laid down on my back and stared up at the sky. Jaskier and I were closer than ever, and it was so nice. But I needed more. I craved more. They say time heals all wounds, but my heart was still shattered after all these months had gone by. I was still so in love with my best friend that it hurt. Even more than it did before. 

Jaskier had been acting differently lately though. He called me more nicknames, and he was even more of a flamboyant disaster than when I first met him. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen him with any random women in bars or taverns anymore. Could he-? No. No way. I must be out of my mind. 

My fingers instinctively went to the dagger Geralt had given me a while ago. Sometimes I would run my hands along the inscription, trying to remind myself to be brave like it said. I could almost laugh at myself right now. I was being anything but brave when it came to Jaskier. 

“Could you please calm your nerves down? I can feel them from over here,” a gruff voice said in the distance. Geralt. Of course.

“Sorry to disturb you. Maybe you should move to another new spot, even farther away. Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask. How is Yennefer?”

I didn’t have to have Witcher senses to feel how that comment landed. 

~

Morning came much more quickly than I was hoping it would. It meant today was the day we had to get moving, which meant we would be moving closer to the situation I had been trying to avoid thinking about. The ball. 

I seemed to be the last one awake, and I could feel the energy as soon as I had rubbed the sleepiness from my reluctant eyes. Geralt sad brooding in the corner of our camp, and Jaskier was flitting about getting everyone’s things together. It was easy to see who was excited and who was not. 

“Today is the day, you sad sack of...sadness,” Jaskier vocalized in regards to Geralt. 

“I know. Don’t remind me.”

I almost laughed as I sat up from my spot on the ground. Geralt wasn’t looking forward to this, and truth be told, I wasn’t either. At least part of me wasn’t. The other part couldn’t help being excited in a childlike way. I had never been in a castle before, let alone a ballroom. Although I couldn’t help but feel like I would be out of place, and painfully so. 

“Don’t look so excited, Geralt.” 

“You weren’t there. You don’t know what happened at the last one.”

I winced and realized that he was right. Although Jaskier had told me some of what happened, I was almost certain that he watered down the events of Pavetta’s betrothal ball in doing so. 

The man in question turned to look at me, apparently just now realizing I was awake. 

“There you are! Come on, we are losing daylight!”

“Jaskier, do I even really need to come? Geralt is only going to be your body guard, so I don’t really have a purpose.”

“Don’t be silly. You must come! We couldn’t just leave you by yourself for hours at a time. These things do tend to take a while.”

I rolled my eyes and stood, stretching as I did so. 

“I am a grown up, you know. I can take care of myself. Afraid I might get kidnapped?” 

Jaskier scoffed and continued packing, mostly ignoring my comment. But it was true, I could take care of myself. Geralt had taught me some things with the dagger over the past few weeks, and I felt confident in my abilities. 

“Well if I must go, at least be careful with my dress and things. I’m sure Yennefer paid good money for them.” 

“The witch probably stole them, more like.”

I watched as Jaskier carefully started packing my things, and tried not to cackle when Geralt made a comment about shoving his foot somewhere it didn’t belong in reference to Jaskier. 

Today was going to be quite...something. 

~

Since we had done most of the travelling yesterday, what was left for today didn’t take long. We made it to the castle in no time it seemed. 

Lily and Roach were tied up in the stables, in the same stall actually. I was quite happy that the stable master was willing to do that. They always seemed to enjoy each other’s company. 

I sat in my borrowed room getting ready, and I was assuming that Geralt and Jaskier were in their own rooms doing the same thing. But that thought was at the back of my mind now as I looked at myself in the mirror. Or at least, what I think was myself. I didn’t really recognize the woman staring back at me. 

Yennefer had picked out the most beautiful, elegant, and intricate floor-length ballgown I could ever imagine. It was sleeved as well, with lace adorning them to match the bodice. The skirt was made of layers on layers, it seemed, and with every move I made it swished gently to follow. It was even in my favorite color. I wonder how she knew? I don’t remember telling her...

She had also gotten me some jewelry to match, and the metals and gems complimented my skin tone perfectly. How did she know all this? I had only met her once, and it was very briefly. I would have to thank her for all this later. 

Not long after I had finished getting dressed, jeweled, and made up, a knock sounded at my door. 

“Come in,” I called. 

Jaskier entered in his outfit for the night. It was a dark, silky purple with golden accents along the doublet’s center, and my breath hitched in my throat when I saw him in the reflection of the mirror I sat in front of. 

“You look breathtaking, darling,” he said in a whisper as he approached me. 

Hopefully he didn’t notice the blush creeping up the sides of my neck. I don’t think I would ever get used to his names for me. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself. Compare that to when you fell into the water yesterday and looked like a dying animal, you basically are a different person.”

Jaskier feigned anger, but I could tell he was amused. 

“Do you like your clothes? I made sure to tell Yennefer all your favorite colors and shiny things.”

My heart skipped a beat. He had told her all of that? I didn’t even know that he knew those things about me.

I stood before really thinking about what I was doing, and turned to face him, the shock evident on my face.

“You told her all that? I didn’t know that you knew such trivial facts about me...Thank you.”

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Of course I know. And it was no problem. I had to make sure she didn’t dress you in an unflattering way.”

I tilted my head in thought, almost as a reflex, and it caught his attention. 

“What are you thinking about, (Y/N)?” Jaskier asked me quietly with a crooked smile. 

“I seem to be thinking about everything and nothing at once...but I am mostly wondering how you convinced the people hosting this ball to let me in. Geralt is your security, of course, I get that. But how did you get me in? I’m no one special.”

He was silent for a moment and stared at a spot past me, for almost so long I didn’t think he would reply. But then he did, with an odd look on his face that showed happiness and some other emotion I didn’t recognize. 

“I told them you were my muse. A musician cannot perform without their muse.”

My mouth twitched as if to fall open in shock. but I didn’t let it. I didn’t want him to see how this affected me.

“I’m your what?”

“My muse. You know, inspiration?”

I shook my head furiously, matching the speed at which my heart was beating.

“I know what it means. But why did you tell them that? You couldn’t have come up with a better excuse to get me in here? You didn’t have to lie to them.” 

You couldn’t have come up with a better excuse in order to keep me from getting my hopes up?

He looked at me with a smile. But it was a pained smile. Then for a second, it looked like he might speak. Until Geralt passed by the open door way and told Jaskier it was time to go. The crowd was waiting on him. 

I stood frozen in the same spot I had been in, and I watched them leave. First Geralt, then Jaskier following behind him. At the last second before leaving the doorway, he stopped, placing a hand on the frame. 

Finally he turned to me, and looking over his shoulder, he simply said:

“I didn’t lie.” 

[angelguk]

omg so i sent in an ask re angst jock jk n oc ! but then i also realized its highly possible these 2 break up at one point while in uni mostly bc of the "are we dating bc its convenient" kinda dilemma and then it just pushes them apart bc they think theyre losing theirselves while being in such a close relationship,,,cue save ur tears by theweeknd BUT i just know when they grow up a lil bit more, theyll end up together <3

here we go! (the beginning of the end....may be...)

didn’t include save your tears as the soundtrack but may haps for the follow-up :3

pairing: jock!jk and oc

warnings: angst, yes the break-up scene, jaykay being an ass (a very huge one motivated by his own insecurities and selfishness – translation: he’d rather break her heart and carry that weight than be the heartbroken one), chayoung is no longer Seed of Doubt but something else (still up for debate but she’s fairly nice here), not edited but hey atp that’s part of my branding (also i would like everyone to consider that oc is not the greatest gf ever like guys don’t hate jk alone!!)

soundtrack: bags, clairo + stay, gracie abrams + say you know, alina baraz

(titled — honeymoon fades)

Jeongguk’s contact name hasn’t lit up the screen of your phone for six days now and you haven’t seen his face for just as long. It’s weird to go from constant incessant  communication to complete and utter radio silence. Not a single meme deposited in your Instagram inbox, no random notification from his Twitter. Just silence, quiet brewing silence. 

It breaks two days later when Chayoung finds you coddled under your duvet, mouth stuffed with the saccharine sweetness of mint chocolate. (Jeongguk kept a stash of it at your place but who was around to eat it anymore apart from you?). 

“And why do you look like you live in a dumpster?” She’d hummed, ripping open the curtains you’d involuntarily welded shut. 

“Because that’s how I feel inside,” you’d retorted, pushing aside your laptop. The screen is stuck with an image of an idiotic character named Nabi kissing the spawn of Satan. You hope for her sake it works out. Chayoung had huffed at your response, fondly whacking your head with a stray pillow. 

“Well get over that feeling cause we’re going out tonight.” A declaration, the fierceness in her feline eyes a warning that you’re not allowed to even think of saying no. That doesn’t mean you hadn’t tried – sorrowful eyes and pouted lips as you begged her to spare you. But Chayoung is a force of nature, one that could easily wreak havoc on your delicateness. And she does though, with a string of comments that propels you out of the miserable burrow you’d dug up. 

“You’re killing everyone, you know?” She’d supplied, yanking open your closet. “You’re sulking, Jeongguk is shutting down. He’s said like five words since this whole...thing...you have going on.” 

You couldn’t help but scoff at that, toying with the corner of the large grey shirt donned on your body. Jeongguk’s shirt. One of his favourites actually. You’d thought about stealing it after spying it on his obsessively neat laundry pile, but after seeing your wandering eyes he’d given it to you instead. 

“He always does that,” you’d said after Chayoung had whipped her head in your direction, curved eyebrows perplexed. “I mean, shut down. It’s his emotional response to things that bother him. Complete detachment so it hurts less.”

She had just stared at you, a long meaningful look at left your skin prickled. 

“Huh.”

“What do you mean ‘huh’?”

A measured step forward, her body weight sinking into the edge of your mattress a moment later. “I mean, you know him so well.”

“Of course I do he’s my best-friend,” you’d said, indignation coating your words

“No–No you're not getting me. You know him. You know he wouldn’t make the move to reconcile–”

“But he should!”

“You told him to go away! He’s trying to listen to you even though he’s hurting!”

And maybe that was it, that simple implication that you were causing him pain that had you pausing, reviewing the things you’d said to him – the things you’d felt. 

“But,” a timid rebuttal, “I just–I just need him to show me that he cares.”

“He does,” Chayoung had returned. “So much. And he misses you. He’s probably just afraid that you don’t feel the same.”

“But I do! He knows this.”

“Does he?” A question in her eyes, one that you’re afraid you know the honest answer to. 

You say things and never mean them, he had said, eyes hard.

That had hurt you but perhaps he was right, there are things you hadn’t told him, feelings you hadn’t truly expressed. And Jeongguk had always been good to you, so understanding and caring, trying to fill the places were you lacked. Wasn’t he the one who planned the majority of your dates? Remembered all the important milestones of your relationship while you contributed the bare minimum. You hadn’t even told Chayoung about the surprise he had planned for your one-year anniversary, the shame of your own choice hanging heavy over your head. 

So that’s why you’re here, staring at the back of his head forlornly as the music drifts around you, flashing florescent lights bathing him a hazy glory. He hasn’t seen you yet (something you’re thankful for because oddly enough you feel sick to your stomach). It feels like you’re skating on thin ice, waiting for the impending crack to sound through your heart, ice water swallowing you whole immediately. Chayoung is the one who pushes you forward, gingerly plucking the idle drink from your hand, Jimin aiding her efforts with a soft smile your way. 

It’s time for you to try the way Jeongguk has, put aside that bumbling ego that oversees your actions and adopt the humility he’s always granted you.

“Go,” she murmurs. “He misses you.”

And God you hope he does because you’ve missed him too. 

Except the moment his honey eyes land on you you know he hasn’t.

“Jeongguk,” you mumble. Yoonoh is frozen beside him, concerned gaze flicking between your faces. Your own eyes are stuck on him, the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the subtle hint of the dimple in his cheeks. 

You’ve missed him, and it slips from your heart and brims in your eyes, vision blurry as your blink those stray tears back inside. 

“Hi,” you add, when his silence doesn’t break.

“I should probably go,” Yoonoh lets out, awkward words bumping into the wall of tension standing firm between you to. He settles a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder, sending him a look that feels loaded. “See you guys later, right?”

You nod, finally noticing the lump clogging your throat. “Yeah, sure.” Jeongguk just hums, the edge of his cup caught between his lips. Yoonoh flees within seconds, leaving you to wade through this alone. 

“I–I know you’re not happy with me right now, but please, can we just talk?” He blinks at you, it feels like a premonition. “Please?”

“Okay.” The simple word fills you, like a hollow you weren’t aware of finally found the cure needed. 

“Okay,” a small smile on your lips. Jeongguk’s face is still unreadable. He guides you up and away from the deafening sound of the song bleeding from the speakers, into an empty room, the door closing behind him muting the music and giving way to the own pounding in your head. Nobody says anything for a second, both of you navigating this uncharted territory of animosity. Until Jeongguk sighs, melting into the bed at the centre of the room. You follow suit, allocating enough space between the two of you. You’ve ever had to do that before.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Jeongguk finally cuts through it, eyes unforgiving when he glances at you.

“I did! I do–Just Jeongguk,” you can’t help it drifting out. “I miss you.”

Nothing, not even a flicker in his eyes. He eyes shift to the floor instead. “Okay. I that what you wanted to say?”

“No–No not just that! I’ve missed you Jeongguk and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that i went off on you like that and I’m sorry I haven’t been the best towards you and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like I didn’t care about you–or made you feel like the things I said or did had no meaning behind them. Because they do–they do because I love you. I love you so so much and I’m sorry if I made it seem like otherwise.” You automatically extend out for him, hoping to grasp on his thing floating to fast away from you. Jeongguk shifts and you hand tumbles down to the empty space between you instead, halted by his hesitance. 

His head drops into his palms a second later, a broken exhale leaving his lips. The motion cause the silver bracelet on his wrist to slip down the length of his arm. It jolts something in you. Jeongguk had given you a matching one but you’d ripped it off after the last argument and hadn’t considered putting it back on. But Jeongguk was still wearing his. 

“Do you really?”

“What?” He’s staring at you know, doe eyes cloudy.

“Do you really love me?” There, that stupid evil vile question that you thought you had the answer to but the words vanish in your head the longer he looks at you.

“I do–what? What are you implying? Of course, I do.”

“Of course, you do,” Jeongguk echoes. His eyes turn to the window located over his shoulder. You can see his head working through something, and you’re suddenly terrified fingertips itching to wander through his curls and coax those thoughts from his head. 

“Jeongguk? What the hell are you talking about? Talk to me, please.”

He sighs again, at it feels like your heart splinters. A sudden shake of his head and Jeongguk twists back to face you, a silent tear falling down his cheek.

“You don’t love me.”

“Wh–What are you talking about? I do! And how can you decide my feelings for me?”

“No. You don’t love me the way you think you do–the way you should.” It feels like he’s saying it to more than you, like he’s saying it to himself. “Maybe this the wrong choice to make. You know. Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”

You shatter just like that, shards on the floor as you stare him, this person that you thought you knew. And maybe the feeling is mutual because Jeongguk is staring at you in a similar way, searching for the courage to say the words you know lie in his heart. Like a loaded cannon, waiting for the match to strike and leave you lying in pieces. 

“I think we should break–"

“No,” you cut him off with an adamance that you didn’t know existed until right then. “No, you’re not gonna say that and we are not doing this.”

His eyes narrow then, jaw set. “This is not about ‘us’, I’m doing what’s right for me.”

“How is that right? Huh, Jeongguk? Don’t you care about this? Don’t you care about me?”

He looks away then, ignoring your questions, his throat stuck. 

“Jeongguk...” You reach out again, and he allows it, shoulders sinking with the weight of your hand on them. “Don’t you care about me?”

Another heavy exhale, his eyes blinking hard. “I do. And that’s why this won’t work, not the way it should at least. I really think we should end this, or at least reconsider the reasons why we’re together. You say you love me–you say you always have but really–really think about it. About me and us and what we are. I’m sorry, I really am but I just can’t do this anymore.”

He rises then, your outstretched hand tumbling down to the empty space he’d left behind. You can’t move it, can’t breathe, your heart hurtling out of your chest and onto the ground where it lies, fragmented beyond repair and bleeding bare. You glance up through tears, watch him open his mouth and then it and look away. 

“Do you mean it?” You finally ask, and his eyes snap to you. He knows what you’re saying. There’s a pause that stretches out for eternity, coloured by the sound of the ringing in your head.

“Maybe.” It cuts right through you, lodging itself deep with intent. And then you just have to nod, swallow the scream clawing at your throat. He murmurs one more apology before his feet carry him away, and you watch, forlorn as you burn his frame into your memory, as your whole world walks out the door.

[bloodhidden]

❝ Where does it hurt?❞

ANGST ! // SECRETS OF @belomi

       ❛ everywhere, ❜ zemora complains. she narrows her eyelids into a glare, inwardly blaming bellamy for her current state. it’s not his fault, he’s just the closest person to her right now and she wants to blame someone. ❛ i can’t believe you let me do this. ❜

[devilyn]

belated regrets | kuroo tetsurou

— alexa, play: remember me by umi

Cuz I'm getting older Know that I've changed But I can't go back now Nothing's the same And I won't forget how You called my name When I was afraid And now I'm afraid

— synopsis: after taking advantage of your friendship, what will kuroo do to win it back?  — genre: angst, friends to lovers if you squint — word count: 3.1k

This wasn't like you. You had stopped crying over Kuroo months ago. You stopped thinking about whether or not he had eaten yet, if he had gotten home safe, if he would text you goodnight, and yet here you were. You were crying again, after claiming you moved on and healed, and after telling all your friends that you would cut him out of your life.

You wish you blocked his number. It felt mean to do it back then, but you really wish you did, because now you definitely wouldn't be able to.

"I think we should take some time apart," were the words you whispered to him over the phone one night a few months back when he was telling you about some girl he had gotten close to in his chemistry lecture.

There was a painful silence that lasted over 15 long seconds. You'd never forget. You counted, after all.

"Why?" he asked quietly. "You're my best friend. What did I do wrong?"

Your 'friendship' had always been strange, after all. Everyone told you that, and even Kenma firmly believed that the two of you would end up dating eventually. But every time, Kuroo would laugh and ruffle your hair while proclaiming he would never date you.

And every time, you'd force a smile and agree with him.

"This friendship...just isn't what it used to be," you answered. It was true. Ever since the two of you got to college, things had changed. He met different people through his classes and bustling parties, and thus different girls that he'd ask you about. You manufactured his sweet texts to them, all while wishing he'd send them to you and feel just as nervous calling you late at night. You'd help guide him through the process of asking her out, then let him come over and be sad when he was rejected. 

Every aspect of your friendship became about him, him, and him. His academics were doing well--he was a surprisingly smart man after all--but they took a toll on him mentally, as they do to all college students. The same happened to you as well, but never once did Kuroo ask about how you were doing, how you were feeling, how you were coping with the sudden changes to your life.

You kept in contact with Kenma, who you'd text once in a while to tell him about how much you hated his previous captain. And Kenma would listen to you cry over the phone about his foolish childhood friend that knew nothing about your growing feelings for him. He was the only person who kept you grounded, and understood that your feelings for Kuroo couldn't be so easily tossed aside as the rest of your friends claimed. He also was the one who encouraged you to end your friendship with Kuroo gently, knowing that he would have to deal with the aftermath of Kuroo's confusion.

"Can I fix it somehow?" Kuroo asked in a panic, and you laughed bitterly. You had asked him many times to fix things--his treatment of you as if he were your therapist being the main one. He’d apologize, yet things would always end up returning to how they were before, with you being at the bottom on his list of priorities.

"Not anymore," your voice cracked, and you cleared your throat to pretend like you weren't crying. "I think you'll be fine without me."

“Y/N--”

“Don’t call me from now on, please. Don’t come over, because I won’t answer the door,” you paused. “...you’re still going to be my friend. I just need space.”

A lie. You knew it, and Kenma did too when you rehearsed your lines to him. He told you such, but you couldn’t bear to tell Kuroo the truth.

And even as you hung up, deep down, you wished he would disobey your wishes. You wanted him to text you and come to his senses, realizing he was wrong. You wanted to relive late night calls where you would laugh and talk about absolutely nothing just because you couldn’t fall asleep. You wanted to go back to him showing up at your front door with a bucket of fried chicken to reward you for studying hard for your midterm exams. You wanted to lay next to him on a grassy field again, where he was gazing up at the stars and you were mesmerized by how beautiful your best friend was, inside and out.

But Kuroo never called. You no longer sent him good morning texts, asking how his day was, and he stopped asking for your advice. It was like the two of you were less than friends. You’d only speak when you sent him an occasional meme that reminded you of him, or a song you knew he would enjoy. He’d respond earnestly, as if your friendship of over four years wasn’t shattered during that one call months ago.

Kenma called you an idiot for not cutting him off entirely, and you would have to agree with him. You were an idiot who was head over heels for a man who would never share your feelings.

It took months for you to get over it, but the distance you put between the two of you definitely helped. So why was it, all of a sudden, after you were finally healing and moving on, that Kuroo decided to call you out of nowhere?

You stared at your buzzing phone, the image of a stupid face Kuroo made flashing on your screen. 

Should you pick up? Should you pretend like you didn’t see his call? During your time contemplating, his photo faded away and your phone stopped vibrating angrily against your coffee table. 

Your heart felt like it was going to beat through your chest when you saw the ‘one missed call’ notification flicker mockingly at you. You stared at your phone, breath hitching in your throat when suddenly, you received a new text from none other than Kuroo Tetsurou himself.

“Fuck,” you cursed, leaning your head back against the couch and groaning loudly. Should you call Kenma? You could already feel a headache incoming. 

Why? Why did Kuroo always do this to you? He’s always had terrible timing, and apparently that never changed.

You plucked your phone from the table, braving it all and finally reading what he had to say to you.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you fucking serious,” you grumbled, squeezing your eyes shut to chase away the anger building up inside of you. “Now? Now of all times? Does he even know what he’s sorry for?”

It wasn’t uncommon for Kuroo to apologize to you just because he knew you were upset. Still, you always forgave him solely because he was your best friend. But now, you knew better.

Fully ready to toss your phone aside, your eyes caught a new text from your ex-best friend.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N.”

Liar.

“I’m sorry for that one time I told you I’d help you study for your chemistry exam but ended up forgetting and missing all your texts and calls.”

You remembered that day. You had confided in him about your bad grade, and when he told you he could help you study, you were over the moon at the thought of being able to raise your nearly failing chemistry grade (and at the thought of spending more time with him). You called him multiple times when he didn’t show up, but gave up when he didn’t pick up the fifth time. You stayed up all night studying on your own, but still ended up failing that exam. You dropped the class, and ended up taking it next semester to get a much better grade without Kuroo’s help.

“I’m sorry for when you couldn’t tell me why you cried the entire day but still let me over so I could complain about Kira turning me down.”

That day, you were extremely overwhelmed. Your roommate was out somewhere, so you were left on your own to cry over the endless amount of assignments you had to deal with, on top of everything else. Kuroo had called that day, clearly in distress, and though you were in tears, you wiped them away and put on a weak smile when he showed up at your front door with a pained expression.

You wanted to be there for him. He was your best friend, after all.

“I’m sorry for that time that I left in the middle of our movie night because Ayane called me and wanted to go out to eat together.”

Your heart stung at the memory. The sight of his back getting up from your couch while completely ignoring the hurt in your eyes was still engraved into your memory, even if you spent months trying to forget it. You had called his name, but he was too busy eagerly chattering on the phone to even hear you. When he turned around, it was to bid you goodbye before abruptly leaving you with a half-eaten bag of popcorn and an animated movie still running that you no longer felt like finishing.

“I’m sorry for making you think you didn’t mean anything to me.”

Did you make an impact on his life? Deep down, you had hoped you did, so he’d always remember you.

“I’m sorry for taking advantage of your friendship.”

That, he definitely did.

“I’m sorry for being the worst friend ever. I miss you so much, Y/N.”

Why were you crying again? Your hands came up to wipe at your cheeks before hurriedly video calling Kenma’s phone.

When he picked up, the first thing he did was sigh at the sight of your disheveled appearance. If you weren’t completely in tears, you may have laughed at his attitude towards the situation, but all you could do was let out a weak whimper.

“I think he’s drunk,” he spoke without you needing to say anything. The thought of Kuroo only texting you because he was inebriated hurt you even more.

“He’s such an asshole,” you managed to croak out between your cries. Kenma only nodded, eyes clearly focused on the screen of his PC. Briefly, they turned to look at you again and his expression softened.

“You should’ve blocked him,” he mumbled, and a weak laugh left your lips. “Are you going to reply?”

You were quiet for a bit, before shaking your head.

And with that, Kenma hummed softly. He stayed on the phone with you until you finished crying over his childhood friend, and only hung up when you finally promised him you’d call him again the next day.

Tomorrow came quicker than you thought it would, and you managed to ignore Kuroo’s messages without giving into the temptation to text him back. Your life went back to normal, relatively, aside from one thing.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you for not understanding me when you gave me advice. I was childish, and only wanted to hear what I wanted to hear.”

Now, Kuroo was texting you everyday with something he was supposedly sorry for. And now, you were calling Kenma everyday to beg him to tell Kuroo to stop, to just leave you alone so you could move on. And every day, Kenma would tell you that you both knew how stubborn Kuroo could be when he put his mind to something.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you whenever you needed me even though you were always the first one to worry about me and how I was doing.”

At this point, it had been a few days since the initial text, and you wanted nothing more than to find him and yell at him to leave you alone. You were fine with brief interactions, pretending like your feelings for him never existed and he never regarded you as someone he could trust with his deepest feelings. You were fine with that.

“I’m sorry for being stupid and being able to understand everyone else’s feelings except for my best friend’s.”

But now he was pushing your boundaries. He was asking for more than what you could give him without giving him your entire heart again. You knew, and Kenma probably knew too, that if Kuroo kept doing this, you’d end up forgiving him. You’d give up on all the work it took over the past few months to get over him and go back to being his best friend if he asked you to. All that courage you put in to cut him off in the first place would disappear, and you’d be back to square one.

“I’m sorry for not realizing you liked me, and that I like you too.”

That was the last straw.

“You’re a prick.”

His response was almost immediate.

“Can I call you?”

Before you even had the chance to reply, your phone was buzzing in your hand and you nearly dropped it in your surprise. Without thinking, you picked up. And you cursed yourself for doing that.

“Y/N,” his familiar voice calling your name in that teary tone nearly made you cry again. Instead, you bit down on your lower lip to prevent the sadness crawling up your throat. You could hear the noises of cars passing by on the other line. He must’ve been outside

“Y/N, I missed you so much,” Kuroo’s voice was weak, and cracked a bit as he spoke, as if he too was holding back tears. “Thank you for picking up the phone.”

There was silence between the two of you for a bit before you shakily breathed in.

“Please stop texting me,” you finally managed to mumble. “Please stop thinking that you actually have feelings for me just because I was a comfortable person to fall back to when you didn’t have anyone else to go on dates with at the time.”

“That’s not the case--”

“If that’s not the case, then what is, Kuroo?” you interrupted, voice trembling. “I’ve had these feelings for you for so long, and now all of a sudden I’m gone and you like me too? Fuck off, I can’t believe you of all people would think so lightly of my feelings.”

“Listen,” his voice was pleading. “It’s not like that. Can I talk to you in person?”

“If I see you, I’m just going to cry again,” you laughed bitterly. You could hear shuffling on the other line.

“Then I’ll hold you until you stop crying,” he retorted firmly, and your heart jumped in your chest. How long had you waited to hear him speak like that about you? Like he just might share the same adoration for you that you did for him?

“You won’t even be able to find me,” you mumbled more to yourself than to him. It wasn’t like you were at your apartment, after all. You needed to get away.

“If you really think that,” you jumped at the sound of his voice closer than you thought. Looking up from your feet, your traitorous heart rate raced at the sight of those familiar almond eyes and unfixable bedhead. “Then I must’ve been a really bad friend, huh?”

You spent an excessive amount of time just staring up at him from your spot on the swings, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. He had bags under his eyes, and his bedhead was a little messier than it had previously been. Despite all that, the man in front of you was undoubtedly the best friend you’d caught feelings for.

“...how’d you find me?” you finally asked as he took a seat on the swing next to your own.

“I wanna say that I’m just a genius, but honestly, you never removed me from seeing your location.”

Your eyes adjusted to the brightness of his screen. When you spotted the familiar profile photo of your smiling face on the map, all you could do was sigh. Anxiously, you ran your sweaty palms along your pants to wipe them off.

“I’ve said it a dozen times at this point,” Kuroo tucked his phone back into his pants, “But I’m really sorry, Y/N.”

“Yeah, I get it,” you mumbled, exhausted of his apologies at this point.

“I don’t know what more I can say besides I’m sorry,” he admitted weakly. You couldn’t find the courage to lift your head to look at his probably desperate expression. “I’ll be honest. I wanted to respect your wishes at first. If you wanted distance, I’d give it to you. But the more time passed, the more I missed you.”

You fiddled with your fingers and the edge of your shirt, trying to find any distraction so you didn’t have to listen to his explanation.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured, “I thought I was an idiot, for treating you the way I did. I took advantage of how comfortable I was around you, and when you finally left me, I realized how lucky I was to have someone I could be so myself with.”

He turned to look at you, and you finally lifted your gaze to meet his eyes. Your heart ached. He looked so tired.

“Have you been eating?” You asked quietly.

“See?” He smiled bitterly. “You care so much about me, and all I do is take that kindness and give nothing back.”

You felt tears prick at your eyes again as he took your hand and placed it onto his cheek, the familiar warmth of his hand reminding you that you truly would never be able to get over him.

“I hate you,” you lied through the tears slipping down your cheeks, “so much for everything you’ve done. For making me fall for you.”

“I’ll spend as long as it takes making it up to you if you’ll let me,” his other hand reached up to brush your tears away. “As your friend, and as someone who finally realized his feelings for you too late. And if I’m lucky, I hope you’ll let me back into your life.”

“It won’t be the same,” you admitted honestly. Truthfully, your friendship would never be the same after all the hurt you endured because of him. Things that may have seemed so small to other people hurt you deeply, solely because you trusted him so much.

“I trusted you to be there and to understand me,” you told him, “and you ignored all that. You can’t expect that to be fixed so quickly.”

“I know,” he brushed your hair behind your ear. “So I’ll give my all to build a new relationship with you. One where I’ll be better, and won’t hurt you ever again.”

The two of you were silent as you cried. Through your tears, you could see his wet eyes. The sight brought a weak laugh to your lips.

“Kenma said you’re way too stubborn when you put your mind to something,” you smiled sadly. “This is your last chance, Kuroo. Don’t ruin it.”

[jjksblackgf]

BTS Reaction - You’re sick/injured and he’s jealous that another member takes care of you

kim seokjin

He rushed over to the hospital as soon as your friend called to give him the news. He didn’t know any details and didn’t want to wait to receive them, he just grabbed his stuff and went to your encounter.

As he ran through the halls of the hospital, he didn’t mind when people recognized him. Trying to find the room the receptionist gave to him, all he wanted to do was to see you with his own eyes.

“How much pain, on a scale of 1 to 10?” he asked you once he was in your room, with very clear pain in his voice and furrowed brows.

“Zero” you answered “My shoulder is back where it should, so I don’t feel any pain. And the doctor gave me painkillers if I feel like I need it”

He wanted to ask more questions, but was interrupted by Taehyung, as he walked in with chips and candy he probably bought at a vending machine.

“Hey hyung” Tae spoke smiling and placed the treats on your lap. “Here you go, Y/N, go wild” he added

“Thanks, Tae, that was very sweet” you thanked Taehyung with a smile, making Seokjin kinda jealous. He wanted to be the one treating you nicely right now.

“Shouldn’t you eat something more nutritious than this?” Jin asked

“But hospital food sucks, hyung, she needs to have a little fun to heal faster” Taehyung said before you could, earning a giggle from you

“But you’re not the doctor, are you?” Jin asked with a cold voice, and he regretted the minute the words slipped his mouth. “I’m sorry, Taehyung, that was unnecessary” continued.

“Tae, can you give us a moment, please?” You asked and he left the room. Jin proceeded to apologize and explain his behavior.

min yoongi

95% of the time he loves his job, even when he’s stuck at work, he knows all the hard work would pay off soon.

But now he has you, someone he could go home to. And now, being stuck at work was not as okay as it was before. Now every time he’s stuck at work he has an internal conflict.

Today was especially hard because you had a mild fever for most of the day and other flu symptoms. But he managed to get away from work to be with you, getting home not much later with some hot soup he knew you liked.

He didn’t like the sight when he got home, tho. Jimin was watching a movie with you. He doesn’t really mind you getting closer because he trusts you and trusts all the other members around you. 

What bothered him were the bowl of soup in your hands and a few packs of medicine recently bought. Jimin got to take care of you before he could, and that broke his heart a little. Not saying anything, he leaves the thing he bought for you at the dinner table and goes to take a shower.

“I’ll get going” Jimin said before you got to and you said your goodbyes.

After that you went to your bedroom and sat on the bed, waiting for Yoongi to leave the bathroom.

“Hey, baby” you said with a sweet voice. Yoongi didn’t respond, he just sat on the bed by your side

“I’ll apologise to Jimin tomorrow” he murmured to you

“Good” you said and hugged him sideways while he took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry for disrespecting you today, I don’t know why I did that-” he started to ramble but you kissed him to make him stop

“Apology accepted” you smiled “Let’s go to the living room, I want to cuddle with you while watching movies.”

jung hoseok

He didn’t have the experience, but he could imagine how breaking a leg would suck. Good thing he was able to take a few personal days to the company, so he got to take care of you the first week. 

When you were better and more adjusted to your new routine, he decided to catch up at work. He would rather take care of you, but you reassured him you were okay, and you knew he was more needed at work than at home.

You would still be able to see him everyday. Perks of living together, baby.

But you were bored at home alone and missing him a little, but you couldn’t admit that to him, he would just simply stop working to be with you. So you asked Seokjin to hang out with you, he had finished recording early and was free for the day. 

And you just had a very fun end of afternoon with Jin. He helped you a lot, he even cooked your dinner. It was instant ramen since you didn’t have much ingredients, but still. He even scratched your feet with an old pencil. And that’s when your boyfriend gets home, he would sure want to join the fun

“Hi, honey” you said with a huge grin “Oh my God, Jin, this tickles too much” You said laughing loud.

“Hi, jagiya. Good night, hyung” Hoseok said, very polite but with a very cold tone. His angry face was about to show itself and you and Seokjin knew it.

“Is that how you greet your hyung?” Jin started with a surprised expression

“What? I said goodnight!” Hoseok responds

“I was here taking care of your girlfriend, don’t you think I deserve at least a thank you?”

“Don’t you think that I wanted to be the one to take care of her?”

“You guys, stop. This is not heading towards a productive conversation” you meddled 

“Listen to your girlfriend” Jin says as he gets up to leave “We’ll talk next time we see each other”

You got to talk to Hoseok and convinced him to call Seokjin and clear things out, you two knew everything was going to be okay in the end.

kim namjoon

You went to spend his day off with him at the dorms, he said he didn’t mind your cold and you were really clingy these days. 

You two were taking a nap together and Namjoon wakes up to find that you're not with him at the bed. He doesn't think much of it until he hears your laughter and goes to check in on you and know where you’re at, finding you seated with Yoongi while he plays the piano.

‘Oh yeah? Bet’ he thinks. He knows it’s just his passive aggressiveness showing its colors, but he can’t help it. He feels like it’s his job to take care of you. ‘This is not a good color on you, Namjoon’

“Hey baby, are you having fun with Yoongi hyung?” he asks as he puts his elbows at the top of the piano.

“Oh yeah, we’re just playing random songs” you answered

“Have you taken your meds yet?”

“No, not yet, but I’m not-”

“I’ll go get them” he responded before you could finish the sentence and went running to the meds cabinet and came back in under a minute. “Here” he said, trying to catch his breath.

“I’ll take them later, baby, I don’t think I need them right now” you said with an apologetic tone.

“Sure, okay! What do you want to eat, we can order something, or I can talk to Jin hyung and see if-”

“Oh, it’s okay, we already ate” you said referring to you and Yoongi

“Oh…” He just stood there kinda staring at you both

“Are you jealous or something?” Yoongi asks, seeing Namjoon’s reaction

“Yeah” he responded with a barely audible tone. You got up from your seat and hugged him tight, leaving pecks on his face until he smiled.

“Ew” Yoongi said as he got up from the piano and went away.

park jimin

At the practice room, you and Jungkook were sitting on the couch. He had a bunch of markers, the cast of your broken arm was a blank canvas to him. He just went wild with his creativity and drew different things, making it colorful.

Jimin was not a fan of the sight, even though your attention was fully on him, he was bothered by Jungkook getting all the space on the cast. You were his girlfriend, shouldn’t he be the one to draw a lot on it? 

He didn’t understand why he was so jealous, neither understood why he wanted to practice the new choreography in front of you and describe all the times he was better than JK or when he got the moves quicker. He did it anyway.

Jungkook just laughed a little and sighed, shaking his head, deciding to leave you alone with Jimin “I'll come back to work on it when hyung is not jealous anymore, just text me when” you nodded.

You patted the sofa and he sat on your side. “So…” you started, trying to get him to talk, but he didn’t know what to say. He was part embarrassed, part angry at himself. “You don’t trust me and the members together?” you asked after a moment, trying to see his point of view

“I do, I really do” he started saying “I don't know what got to me… I'm sorry, jagiya” he went for a hug and you hugged him back as tight as you could.

“What can we do to make you feel more comfortable, then?” you asked him

“I don't know” he responded honestly

“What made you feel jealous in the first place?”

And after that an idea popped in his head. He would feel very comfortable if Jungkook wrote his name in the cast with very bold letters.

kim taehyung

Boy was so eager to get home and take care of you. He knew it was just a cold, but he just hated knowing you were in any kind of pain or discomfort.

He bought painkillers, a hot pack, coughing medicine, soup, and the whole shabang. All the thoughts running through his mind were how quick he could put you on the bed and place lots of covers on you.

But the sound of your laughter as he opened the door was as relieving as worrying. Who was here? He calmed down as he thought that maybe it was your best friend. But he was wrong.

As soon as he saw Hoseok giving you a glass of water, the “this is fine” meme was at the front of his mind.

“Hi honey,” you said as soon as you laid your eyes on him “what you got there?” you asked eyeing the shopping bags.

“I bought these things for you,” he said in a low tone “I even got you soup, but I can see you’ve already been taken care of” his smile was there but you noticed that it was sarcastic with a hint of pain.

Hoseok noticed too, “Get well soon, Y/N” he said as he stood up “I’ll see you later” he gave Tae a quick pat on the back and closed the door behind him.

You watched Taehuyng in silence as he put the bags on the coffee table in front of you. “Let’s share the soup” you spoke as he sat down by your side

“You’re the one who needs this more, my love” he said softly “Do you need anything else? I got pain meds, coughing meds…” he continued speaking, but all you wanted to do was to hug him, and so you did

“You know I love you, right?” you spoke to his ear

He smiled faintly as he hugged you back “I know you do”

jeon jungkook

You had your hand immobilized after a torsion while working out, it was nothing serious but the doctors wanted to make sure the healing would go smoothly and faster.

You thought you could use only one hand, but you were wrong. You still wanted to bake cookies for your boyfriend so it could be ready when he finished with his video game.

He was doing a lot of things for you and you wanted to thank him, and also wanted to feel useful again. But it wasn’t going as you liked so you asked for Namjoon to help.

“Really? Me?” he was surprised by your request, he says he’s not very kitchen help material.

“All you need to do is to hold things still so I can mix it up” you answered, and so the baking started.

Jungkook decided he was done with the games and wanted to hang out with you more, finding you in the kitchen stirring chocolate chips in a bowl with what looked like cookies from afar.

“Hey, what are you doing over here?” he asks

“I wanted to bake some cookies for you, I know you like them” you said after he pecked your lips. 

“Oh, jagiya, you didn’t have to” he went to help but Namjoon was standing still in his helping position “It’s okay hyung, I’m the boyfriend, I’m going to be the help from now on” he said to Namjoon in a playful tone but you understood the subtext, and so did Namjoon

“No need to get jealous, Kook”

“I’m not jealous, I’m just saying-”

“Hey, hey” you interrupted them “You two can stop the chatting and put the cookies on the baking sheet, since I can’t at the moment”

After they did as you asked, Jungkook placed the trays in the heated oven and started cleaning in silence, Namjoon helped him, keeping the awkward silence in the room. You just sat back and watched the tension build.

“I’ll see you guys later” Namjoon announced as he finished placing the bowls in the cabinets.

“Next time promise me you will interrupt me so I can help you” Jungkook said after taking the cookies out of the oven.

“Fine” you rolled your eyes “But you promise to go apologize to Namjoon”

“Promise” and with that you two interlaced your pinkies.

[unmanageable-day]

Can I Love?

CHAPTER 28

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Summary. Lee Y/N was the first love of one when he was a middle schooler. He never knew her name and he never saw her again. Several years later, he met her again …unfortunately under a disadvantaged circumstances.

TAGLIST. @boogyuu @samemagicpoint @anjiuniverse @lovingyu-04 @serenadesvt @naphthalene-ball @sensorivm @chaseyui @wonhaotrsh @jonashuji @skylions-den @niikipuff @renvibes @moonlit-willow @mimaisiomai @vxvshoshi @binniebutter @sweetsoonhan [ hit me up if you’re interested to be tagged for the next update ♡ ] - @jonashuji it seems i cant tag you properly

a/n: HI HELLO!!! it’s been ages i know!!!!!!!!!! and i dont even know if this kind of au is still a thing on tumblr. since i graduated, got married, and worked for 3 different projects (idk why im working 3 jobs help), i uninstalled tumblr apps in my phone (and the smau related apps too lmao so lets see what i can do later) so i really have no idea whats going on here. and i honestly already forgot how the plot of my own fic should be so i just wrote what i can remember. if some of you still read this, i sincerely thank you! it would be better if you could leave some feedback, or simply say hi so i know i still have at least one reader lol

“Do you hate being with me that much?” The older male suddenly asked, distracting Jihoon from the 96z group chat that was full of recent photos from Jun during the housewarming party at your house. Seungcheol probably just saw the younger’s tweets.

“No, not really,” Jihoon replied without putting away his phone. As his attention went back to the screen, he continued, “But it would be better if we could work on our neglected songs though. Instead of... you know, talking about her.”

Seungcheol didn’t respond to Jihoon’s words. He was aware of how often he rants about you. At some point he knew he was irritating others with his antics, yet it didn’t stop him from doing what he had been doing -- finding ways to get your attention, and making the others desperate trying to stop him.

“We’re throwing a surprise birthday party for Wonwoo. You coming?” Eventually Jihoon had to pick another topic.

“It’s not a surprise party. You know Wonwoo, he won’t be surprised.”

“Yeah, but it’s still a party.”

Seungcheol paused, his facial expression showed he was thinking about something. “Is Y/N gonna be there?”

Rolling his eyes, Jihoon sighed and answered vaguely. “Maybe.”

“But you guys must invite her, right?” asked Seungcheol again. He was getting a bit excited.

“Well, Wonwoo somewhat has a crush on her. So, yeah, he would appreciate it too if Y/N is invited.”

Okay, that was a piece of information that Seungcheol didn’t want to hear right now. He didn’t need a competition right now. He had enough with Xu Minghao being your guard 24/7. And he had enough with everyone being so protective over you as if he would hurt you in any ways.

“So, Y/N is invited,” Seungcheol concluded.

Wordlessly, Jihoon shrugged. He went silence again as his focus was back on his phone. He was indeed a silent reader. The 96z group chat was flooded by Soonyoung and Jun, and occasionally Wonwoo either exchanging memes, or not-so-important information. Until eventually he caught one specific topic that he was contemplating whether or not he should bring it up while he was with Seungcheol.

“What?” the oldest cynically asked when he caught the smaller guy looking at him since Jihoon could never be really subtle when he looks at people.

“You know, Soonyoung actually asked Y/N if you could come and join us at Wonwoo’s birthday party,” said Jihoon hesitantly. “Apparently Wonwoo also asked if she’s okay about it.”

Instantly, Seungcheol’s face got brighter and his eyes widened with excitement. “What did she say?” asked him enthusiastically, his hopeful doe eyes blinking.

Before answering him, Jihoon pressed his lips into a straight line. He read the group chat again just to make sure he didn’t misread what you told Wonwoo and Soonyoung. “Basically she said since it’s Wonwoo’s party, it’s up to him if he wants to invite anyone.”

“Does that mean I can come and join you guys?” he uttered excitedly. And doesn’t it mean I can see her? he thought happily to himself.

“No, don’t think about it,” told Jihoon firmly, as if he could read what was on his buddy’s mind. “You need to check your calendar first, Bro. Don’t you want to see this producer?”

“But it’s Y/N!” Seungcheol quickly replied. A wide smile was curved on his lips. His eyes was sparkly, at the same time he was trying to convince Jihoon to adjust all the work schedules ...which only would cause another catastrophic events afterwards.

[whatissleepeven]

Good day, Sleep! I sincerely hope you're alright. Might I trouble you for some hcs for the Obey Me! Brothers with an MC wandering the HoL late at night because they can't sleep? Take care and enjoy your day! 💫

Good day anon!! I’m going to have to cut this shorter than I would’ve liked, but I really wanted to get this out there! (I hope you take care as well, and thank you for your kind words!)

Edit: I lied, I think this is longer than the last ask, forgive me -

Demon Brothers’ Reactions to an MC Wandering the HoL Late at Night

Lucifer

He heard your footsteps before actually seeing you.

He was working late into the night again when your feet padded by his door, sounding listless. He checked the time: 1:07am.

What were you doing up at this hour?

You were about to turn the corner when his door opened, his head poking out. 

His eyes zeroed in on you. “What are you doing?”

You look to the side, shifting on your feet. Ultimately, you shrug. “Just walking, I guess.”

“Just walking.” He repeated blandly, and had to mentally count to ten so he didn’t explode. “You’re walking instead of sleeping? Tomorrow...well, later today I suppose, we have RAD to attend to. You should be in your room.”

Uneasiness flickered across your face despite you doing your best to hide it, and he noticed it. “Maybe I just want to clear my head for a bit? The halls are nice and quiet at night. It’s...calming.”

...Oh. So that’s what was going on.

Lucifer stepped out of his room, closing the door behind him and walking to catch up with you. “Then I suppose you won’t mind if I join you on this little excursion of yours.”

You looked like you were going to protest, but in the end you sighed. “Alright, let’s go.”

It was quiet as you two walked. Lucifer didn’t say a word, which surprised you; you thought he was going to scold you for wandering the halls so late.

“Oh, I will; however, that won’t exactly help you in this instance, now will it?”

- Wait, you said that out loud? ...Well then.

You grimaced. “Some things...are better left unsaid. “Let sleeping dogs lie” and all that.”

He wanted to press for more information, but the bags under your (interestingly enough) alert eyes stayed his hand.

He nodded. “I understand.”

Your late-night/early morning walk with him made you feel more at ease. For the first time that night, you felt tired enough to fall asleep.

You two pause outside your door. You had subconsciously found your way back here, as if you knew that this walk would tire you out. “Hey, Lucifer?”

“Hm?” He hummed, turning to you.

“...Thanks. For this, I mean.”

His eyes widened a fraction before a smirk spread across his lips. “Of course. If you have trouble falling asleep in the future, then feel free to knock on my door. I will always answer.”

It was a promise. You nodded, waving him off before flopping onto your bed.

You take him up on his offer every once in a while, especially when it seems like he’s overworking himself. (...Which is all the time.)

Mammon

You wandered the halls because you had a nightmare.

You woke up with adrenaline coursing through your veins, heart racing and breaths coming out in short gasps. A cry for help died on your lips as you became more aware of your surroundings, and you blinked to get the tears out of your eyes. You wished you could say that you didn’t remember it, but you did.

Lucifer. Levi. Satan. Asmo. Beel. Belphie. Solomon. Simeon. Luke. Barbatos. Diavolo.

One by one, they all left you. 

You couldn’t even reach your family in the Human Realm; they had left you too, long before the others did.

Mammon was the last to go, grinning as he told you that he played you like a fiddle. “Ya should know better than to trust a demon, y’know. Humans are so stupid! I already took all of your money; have fun livin’ now...if ya can.”

You...had no one.

You pressed the heel of your palm into your eye, letting out a shaky chuckle. You knew what it meant; monophobia. It was the same dream you’ve been having for the past month, and to be honest...you were starting to believe it. It wasn’t like you could confide in anybody, either; you lived in a house full of demons, after all.

I’m just an ordinary human with life experiences unique to me that make up my person. I’m...I’m alone.

Is that why I was hell-bent on befriending people down here? You asked yourself, but asking yourself made you feel worse and hyper-aware of your big, dark room.

It’s empty in here.

You felt like you were suffocating, so once you wrapped a blanket around yourself (because it felt like a hug, like someone cared enough to wrap their arms around you, but it was only a blanket and you had no one) you left your room.

You didn’t know where you were going; all you knew was that you had to go. You started out at a slow walk, speeding up into a fast pace, then a run, and then you were sprinting -

“OW!!”

You accidentally hit someone in your panic, the other almost falling over.

You took a step forward, berating yourself for not watching your surroundings better. “I’m sor- ”

You stopped once you saw who it was. Mammon dusted himself off, grumbling about “running into trouble no matter what he did” when he noticed you.

“What the hell are ya doin’ out here, so late at night? Don’t humans need their sleep or somethin’?” He looked you over, fussing about how “his human was a magnet for danger” and that he couldn’t even keep his eyes off for a second lest you walk into a life-threatening situation.

He patted your shoulders. “Not a hair out of place. If you’re goin’ somewhere, why didn’t ya tell me? I’m your first man, after all; I gotta protect ya!”

You blinked. Then, without warning, something wet trailed down your cheeks as you stared at him in silence.

Needless to say, Mammon freaked out. “Wh-What?! Hey, y-you don’t gotta cry over that! I’m fine! You didn’t even hit me that hard, see? N-Now stop cryin’, damnit!”

You let out a watery laugh. “It’s not that...you know what? Nevermind.”

Mammon trailed after you as you walked down the hallway. “Oi, don’t leave me hangin’! Why did ya start bawlin’? HEY!!”

You didn’t have to worry about a thing. Even if your family left you...

Even if the whole world turned against you...

Deep in your heart, you knew that Mammon would never betray you.

Leviathan

“Dun, dun, dundun dun, dun, dundun dun, dun, dundun- NUNUNUUU!!”

You whisper-sang the Mission: Impossible theme song as you crept down the halls, peeking the corners as if you were going to be shot at without warning.

You narrowed your eyes at a particular entryway, a grin spreading across your lips. 

“Target acquired.”

You stepped into the kitchen, slowly opening the fridge and wincing whenever it made a sound. Beel knew the noises the fridge made by heart, so he would no doubt run in if he heard that something was amiss.

You pulled out a slice of angel cake Luke had gifted to you earlier, your stomach rumbling in anticipation. You had waited oh so long for this moment, and now nothing was going to stop you from -

“...Uh.”

Levi stood in the doorway, headphones slipping off his ears as he pushed them down. He looked like he’d seen a ghost, and you looked like you’d seen a ghost, and oh diavolo this was awkward.

He gasped, pointing at you. “You!!”

You gasped, pointing at him. “You!!”

(You know the spider-man meme? Yeah that’s the one)

Levi’s next gasp was dramatic. It seemed that he saw your angel cake, his finger shifting to point at that instead. “STOP!! You have violated the law! You must pay the court a fine, or you shall pay the price!”

Your eyes narrowed. “Hoh?” You picked up your fork, holding it out in front of you like a sword. “I wonder if you’re all bark and no bite.”

Levi reached into a nearby drawer, taking out a fork of his own and pointing the prongs at you. His eyes flashed; a challenge.

“Maybe you should ask yourself that, outlaw!”

You both carefully hit each other’s utensils, mimicking light saber sounds with the occasional snicker.

After a couple of minutes, Levi leapt back. You gasped; was he readying his special attack?!

He held his head up high, his fork- no, his sword - raised above his head. 

“ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS!!”

You scowled, your own fork sword raised to copy his. 

“IF SHE BREATHES...SHE’S A THOT!!!”

You both screamed as you clashed, crashing into each other as your forks went flying. You were both laughing on the floor, imitating death cries.

You loved messing around with Levi.

“...So, why are you eating that now?” He asked, shifting to face you.

You grinned. “I was hungry.”

He laughed. “You’re a weird normie, you know that?”

“What is the meaning of this?”

Lucifer’s voice grew louder as his footsteps approached the kitchen, sounding irritated. It looks like you were too loud while battling...whoops.

You and Levi looked at each other, then at the forks, then back at each other, then at the cake, then at each other once more.

“RUN!!” He screamed, snatching his fork. You grabbed your plate and your fork before taking off after him, Lucifer’s yells fading as you escaped into the safety of Levi’s room.

You two ended up sharing the angel cake. It was delicious.

(You got yelled at by Lucifer the next day, but hey; that’s tomorrow’s self’s problems. Now, it was time to eat cake.)

Satan

He caught you just as he exited the library, a book tucked away underneath his arm.

“Ah- ” He said, letting out a soft whoosh of air as you bumped into each other.

Instead of greeting him or apologizing, you clutched his shirt. “Satan. Just the demon I wanted to see.”

He raised a brow. “...What are you doing up so late at night?”

You shook your head. “Not today, Satan! Can we go back to your room?”

He frowned. You looked frantic, to say the least, and if he could help, then... “Follow me.”

Once there, you took a seat on the floor. Satan placed his book (No Longer Human) on the shortest stack of books he could find, sitting on his bed.

He patted the spot next to him. “You can sit up here, you know.”

You quickly took him up on his offer, sitting cross-legged as you turned to face him. Your face was so comically serious that he would be laughing if he wasn’t so worried.

“What’s wrong?”

You didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Satan’s concern only grew once you started shaking, wondering which of his brothers he had to “have a chat with”.

“Did you know...that whales don’t live long enough to die of old age because they just don’t have the energy to make it back up to the surface anymore?”

Satan’s face went carefully blank. “...Could you repeat that?”

“They all drown!” You wail. “They suffocate in the ocean, which is their home! And that’s if fishermen don’t kill them or other animals do!”

Why did he ever think that it was anything serious when it came to you

He sighed. It was late, he was tired, you were tired, but...

He smiled. You got hung up on the strangest of facts, didn’t you? It was endearing.

“I see.” He said, holding out his arms. “All I can offer is some comfort, small as that may be.”

You launched yourself at him, and he fell back on the bed with a small oomph as you rapidly talked about how whales deserved better from this cruel, cruel world of ours.

He patted your shoulder. It seemed like he wasn’t getting any sleep soon, but...

As long as it was with you, this wasn’t so bad.

Asmodeus

Needless to say, he scolded you.

...Unless you were up because you had a sleepover with him. Then, you were fine.

But that didn’t apply to this instance.

“What in the world are you doing out here?!” He asked, grabbing your arm and practically dragging you to his room. “You do realize that you need your beauty sleep, right? Come; I’ll make sure you get the best sleep you’ve ever had!”

You were a little scared, but that was only because he had appeared out of nowhere. You matched his pace with a raised brow, trying to calm your racing heart. “Asmo, why did you jump out at me? I could’ve had a heart attack!”

He laughed. “The only heart attack I want you to suffer from is if it’s due to my stunning beauty.”

You smiled as the two of you entered his room. “So, what’s on the menu for tonight?”

He sat you down on one of his chairs, pulling out multiple bottles of...who-knows-what. The long brand names coupled with the loopy writing was enough to give you a stroke.

He stood behind you, a brush in one hand and a comb in the other. There was an excited grin on his face, which you could see from the HUGE impressively-sized mirror in front of you.

“Why, self care, of course!”

An hour or two later, and you both were relaxing on his bed with a content sigh. Asmo was a professional at self care, and you swear that you haven’t felt this good in...well, it’s been a while.

He shifted to face you. “Enjoying yourself?”

You nodded. “Of course, Asmo. You have the heavenly skills of a god.”

You both laughed at the irony of that statement, nestling underneath the covers.

Asmo threw his arm over you. “Well, as heavenly as my hands may be...it’s time to sleep. Beauty waits for no one, after all.”

You hummed in agreement, slipping your eyes closed. You could feel yourself drifting off...

“Thanks for this.”

Your breathing evened out, signalling that you were asleep. Asmo smiled, placing a small kiss on your forehead.

“Anytime. Come to me when you feel restless again, okay?”

Beelzebub

Beel was the one to have a nightmare.

He didn’t remember what it was, but when he came to his hand was outstretched towards the ceiling, tears dotting his pillowcase. He rolled out of bed, quietly padding out of the room so that he didn’t accidentally wake his twin up.

He rubbed his eyes. Even though he didn’t remember it, he could guess what it was about.

I’ve been having nightmares more often lately...

He saw the light of the fireplace as he passed by the entrance to the living room, and he wondered who else was up. Was it Lucifer? Levi?

Once he gaze fell on you fiddling with your D.D.D. on the couch, he stepped in.

“Aren’t you tired?”

His voice startled you, almost making you drop your device.

“Oh, Beel! What are you doing up?”

He shook his head, loosely grasping his left wrist as he frowned. “I just woke up and saw that the light was on,” He said as he sat down. “I was curious.”

You shifted to let him sit next to you, throwing a smile his way. “Funny coincidence, huh? I couldn’t fall back asleep either.”

A small smile formed at your words. “At least it’s the weekend.”

You stretched. “I know! Lucifer can’t yell at us for this!”

Beel looked off to the side in thought, giving a decisive nod. “He would still find something that we messed up on to yell about, though.”

Your snort of laughter made him feel lighter, erasing any traces of the mind-numbing fear and grief sadness his nightmare left behind.

You tapped his arm. “Something up?”

He shook his head, a smile blooming on his face as he looked at you. “...No, not anymore. Do you want to go grab something to eat with me?”

You leapt to your feet with a grin. “Beel, when will I ever say no to that?”

And so, you two raided the fridge of its contents and snacked on whatever you could find. You talked about anything and everything that came to mind, throwing out the garbage before huddling against each other in front of the dying embers.

You wrapped a blanket around you both, a yawn escaping you. “Thanks for being my hangout buddy, Beel.”

He beamed, its radiance slightly dulled by his tiredness. “We’re family. It’s the least I could do.”

You fell asleep against each other, and the other brothers couldn’t help but take pictures of the heartwarming scene once they found you two.

For the first time in weeks, Beel slept peacefully.

Belphegor

Belphie was en route to the planetarium when he ran into you.

“Going somewhere?” He asked with amusement in his voice, watching you compose yourself.

You jabbed a finger at him. “I am, actually. I was going...uh...”

He raised an eyebrow as you flailed to find an answer despite having recollected yourself moments prior, dragging it out before he decided to throw you a mercy line. “I’m going to the planetarium, if you want to come.”

You nodded, relief flashing across your features. “Thanks, Belphie.”

You two made a pile of blankets on the floor, pointing out constellations and making up stories for them. ...Well, you were, at least; Belphie was content to let you ramble, quietly chuckling at your elaborate depictions of each celestial body you pointed out.

“What are you doing up, anyways?” He asked, interrupting your recent tale.

You huffed. “Way to kill the vibe, Edgelord.”

He raised a brow. “...And the vibe happened to be you describing how Orion brutally skewed the Ursa Minor for his lover?”

You nodded sagely. “It’s a tale of love and betrayal, of sacrifice and ambition.”

He snorted. “Are you going to answer the question?”

You rolled over to face him. “I just...couldn’t sleep, I guess.”

“You can’t sleep?” He repeated, looking over at you in surprise. He shook off his initial reaction with a small, exasperated smile. “It looks like you came to the right demon, then.”

You flopped back dramatically onto the piles. “Please impart your wisdom on me, O wise one.”

Instead of scoffing at you, like he usually did, he placed a hand onto your head. “You won’t have to worry about any nightmares tonight.”

- And then you were out.

He sighed. “Just what am I going to do with you...?”

He now makes sure to check up on you from time-to-time, pulling you in for a dreamless sleep whenever he sees your fatigue. Despite himself napping the most in either the attic or the room he shared with Beel, he would lead you to the planetarium to sleep.

It was a sacred place for him, and who better to share it with than with you?

[veliseraptor]

having trouble unsticking my brain from being glitchy as hell so...150 words meme time I guess! sometimes you just Gotta.

pretty much all yi city this time, sorry folks. send me up to three numbers and I’ll write 150 words for each number I get, on your mark get set

1. “You tell me, Xingchen. Seems to me people just make up their own rules and it depends on if they’re powerful enough to back it up.”

“Maybe sometimes,” Xiao Xingchen said after a moment. “But that doesn’t make it right.” 

Xue Yang shrugged. “I’m not saying it does,” he said. “I’m just saying it doesn’t matter.” 

“Of course it matters!” Xiao Xingchen’s voice rose. “It always matters. Whatever others do–” 

“There’s your problem, though,” Xue Yang said. “That’s what fucked you over, isn’t it? What others do. You did what you thought was right and good and what did it get you, huh? What the fuck did it get you?” 

Silence. Xue Yang fell back again, forcing his breathing to even out. Xiao Xingchen was very still, almost frozen. 

“I can’t help their actions. Only my own.” His voice was quiet, though, and Xue Yang could hear the thread of uncertainty. 

“And that turned out so well,” Xue Yang said. (the backyard is full of bones)

2. She was having a hard time looking away from the man in black - the corpse, standing there, staring. She tried to pretend he was a statue. Or a normal person just standing very still. Just Xiao-ge’s friend.

“You don’t need to be scared,” Xue Yang said abruptly. “He’s not going to do anything to you. It’s safe. Watch–” and he walked over to the man in black, reached up, and flicked his nose. A-Qing flinched, but the man didn’t. Xue Yang turned to stare in her direction. “See? Harmless.”

“I’m not scared,” a-Qing said. 

“Liar,” Xue Yang said, but he sort of smiled at her, too. A-Qing didn’t smile back and it sort of stuttered and fell off his face. (the people are gone and the place is empty)

3. He heard a groan and immediately turned toward it, quickening his pace. “My friend?” he called, to no immediate answer. 

“Aw, fuck,” he heard, after a few moments, blurry and pained. He adjusted course slightly and closed what he thought was the last of the distance before crouching down and reaching out. It was a little further than he thought, and his fingertips barely brushed fabric before it vanished. “Don’t touch me,” said the stranger, a sudden and unfamiliar edge in his voice, not quite a snarl. 

He drew his hands back, holding them with his palms up. “It’s only me,” he said. “Xiao Xingchen. Do you remember me?” 

“Yeah, I remember you,” said the stranger, but it sounded angry, hostile, and Xiao Xingchen drew back further, something tickling at the edge of his mind like a memory just out of reach. (Bedrest)

4. “So,” he said, and then realized he didn’t really know what to say next. Xue Yang watched him with a look of wide-eyed innocence that said he knew Xiao Xingchen was struggling and wasn’t going to help him. A spark of annoyance had Xiao Xingchen pressing his lips together.

“So what do you do when you’re not…”

“Getting scraped off the road by nice boys?” Xue Yang said with a crooked smile, and Xiao Xingchen’s face heated up a little.

“I assume that’s not how you spend most of your time.”

“Not usually, no,” Xue Yang said. “Maybe I should try it more often, though.” (Redux)

5. Xue Yang laid out his sleeping mat and stretched out on the floor. He pulled out Xiao Xingchen’s soul, cupping it in his hands, then rolled to his back and put it on his chest.

“What would you say if you were here?” he asked. “You’d probably talk about how sad it was, or something. You’d want to try to lay everything to rest. Fix the whole Burial Mounds all by yourself. That sound about right, Daozhang?” He toyed with one of the tassels, listening to the wind outside.

“We could do that, if you came back,” Xue Yang said. “I mean, I don’t really want to and I don’t think there’d be any point but if you said you wanted to I’d be fine with giving it a go.” 

Nothing. The wind howled through the dead trees and Xue Yang caught, just at the edge of hearing, the sound of someone screaming. He cocked his head to listen better, but there were no words in it. It sounded like pain, though. The nasty kind that made you stop thinking about anything but wanting it to stop.

It melted away. (a symphony for the departed)

6. “Lianfang-zun doesn’t get rid of useful things, and I guess he thinks you’ll be useful. Makes sense to me. You’re supposed to be the best doctor in the world, right? Other than Baoshan Sanren, I guess, and who knows if the stories about her are true.” 

“How am I supposed to be useful?” Wen Qing asked.

“Beats me. If I were you I’d think of something, though. What do you know about what Yiling Laozu did to your brother?” 

Wen Qing’s heart stuttered. A-Ning, she almost said, what do you know about what’s happened to a-Ning, tell me-

She said nothing. Xue Yang’s mouth twisted a little.

“You’re not very chatty, are you,” he said, sounding genuinely disappointed. (fall apart, destroy, release)

7. “Go rest,” she said quietly. “You clearly need it. But I expect to see you in four days to report on your recovery.” Xue Yang started to make a face, and she added, “there might be something sweet for you.”

Xue Yang brightened, smile firming up briefly before it vanished in yet another yawn. “Okay, okay,” he said. “Whatever you say, jiejie.” He blinked sleepily, and then said abruptly, “I’d miss you too. If anyone did anything to you I’d string them up with their own guts.”

It was probably a bad sign that she was touched rather than unnerved. (this world is gonna break your heart)

8. Xiao Xingchen didn’t eat dinner. 

He didn’t even open his eyes to look at it. Ignored it, and Xue Yang, like he wasn’t there at all and it itched at him, sent his temper sour, and very briefly he almost said I guess I should’ve just let you die then but it didn’t make it as far as his throat before he choked on it. 

No. Things might be bad right now but dead was...if Xiao Xingchen’d killed himself it would’ve been really hard to bring him back, it’d take forever and there was always a chance it wouldn’t work. It probably would’ve, because Xue Yang was a fucking genius but still wasn’t worth the risk. 

It was so quiet. Xiao Xingchen wasn’t talking and Xue Yang wasn’t talking to him either because he’d just get pissed off again if he did, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d gotten used to the dumb brat’s noise until it wasn’t there anymore. (xxc survives and it isn’t fine)

9. I am not a dead thing, Song Lan said tightly, though questions were boiling up more quickly than he could ask them. Xue Yang glanced at him, brief and scathing.

“Yeah, you are,” he said. “Did you forget that part where you’re dead, Zichen? Cause I can think of a few ways to remind you if you need it.” 

I’m not a thing, Song Lan amended. Xue Yang snorted.

“Sure,” he said. “If you want. But a corpse is just a piece of meat in the end. You’re just smarter than most.” 

Song Lan’s left hand tightened around Fuxue’s scabbard. He wished it was around Xue Yang’s throat. (Walking Far From Home)

[flannels-and-fannypacks]

WTWT: The Sequel | Part 5/5 [Reggie Peters]

pairing: reggie peters x fem!reader

word count: 7.7k

warnings: angst, swearing

a/n: our last part to our sequel!!! from the bottom of mimi and my hearts we would like to thank you all for reading and commenting, reblogging, and sending memes. it honestly means the world to us, truly. we love you all! thank you again! -- drea :)

◤━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◥

Reggie drummed his fingers against his lap as he waited on the porch swing. You told him to wait outside while you got ready, but Reggie wasn’t too fond of the mosquitoes he had for company.

Finally, after about five bug bites later, you joined Reggie, hood up and covering your face.

Reggie turned to face you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You alright, Cookie?” he asked. He tried to pull down your hood, only for you to swat his hand away. “Okay, Cookie you’re scaring me now. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you squeaked.

“That doesn’t seem like nothing, you won’t even show your face-”

You abruptly pulled down your hoodie, showing your face to Reggie. There wasn’t anything wrong, necessarily, but you had a full face of makeup. Reggie couldn’t help but smile. From shoulders up, you looked like a bride. But from the bottom down, you were just his Cookie.

“Nana wanted to practice makeup again,” you whined. “Something about “being the perfect bride,” Flicka what does that even mean?”

Reggie only stared back at you, completely enamored with your smile and sparkling eyes. It was as though he were in a daze, lost in your eyes. He wanted to marry you right there.

“Flicka?” you repeated. “Did you hear me? Do you have something to do with Nana’s oddball behavior lately?”

Reggie’s face turned red. Earl told Tamara his plan last week, and the old woman hadn’t been subtle in the slightest. She had even gone as far as to show you pictures of homes for sale near the area, claiming that the guest rooms “could be a nursery.” It took everything in Reggie to not stuff her face with scones.

“Honestly no idea,” Reggie lord. “Come on, we’ll stop and get some make up wipes on the way,”

“You’re a saint,” you grinned, pressing a kiss to Reggie’s lips and giggled when you saw the cherry red mark it left. “I think Nana might need some better lipstick,”

He looked at you confused and you took your hand and wiped away his bottom lip with your thumb.

“There that’s better. It smudged a bit,”

Reggie was completely googly eyed looking at you. That smile got him every single time.

He took your face in his hands and pressed a smacking kiss to your forehead.

“I love you Cookie, come on, let’s head out,”

Reggie led you to the car he had rented prior, opening the passenger door for you. You sent him a pointed look.

“Just because I look like a fairy tale book vomited over my face doesn’t mean you have to treat me like a princess,” you deadpanned. “I’m more than capable of opening the door by myself.”

Reggie chuckled, leaning against the door. “You’re right,” he agreed. “You should be treated like a queen, because you’re my queen.”

Rolling your eyes, you entered the car. “What’s with all the sappy comments, Flicka?” you asked as he made his way to his side of the car. “Not that I don’t like them, but I’m getting a whole bunch of comments for a person that looks like a living Barbie doll.”

Reggie only pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I’m just in a sappy mood today,” he shrugged his shoulders. “My apologies, your majesty. And besides, you don’t even look that bad. I think Tamara did a good job on your makeup.”

“You’re only saying that to stay on her good side.”

“You know me so well,” he teased. “Now, come on, let’s get going.”

The ride wasn’t too long, and to be perfectly honest you weren’t even sure where he was taking you. You didn’t even know if he knew the area well enough to drive anywhere without getting lost.

“Are you sure you’re going the right way,”

“Positive, you can’t miss it,” Reggie grinned when he hit the highway. He was grateful when you nodded, not asking any further questions.

Wordlessly, you turned on the radio. As you hummed along to the music, it wasn’t until you started singing when Reggie registered the lyrics and recognized the song.

“You got a fast car, I want a ticket to anywhere…”

Reggie turned his head to see you singing softly as you watched cars drive by. Reggie couldn’t help but smile as he drove towards an exit. As the song continued, he found his hand drop down to your knee, squeezing it tightly. He hadn’t heard your singing voice in so long, he forgot what it sounded like. But as soon as you started singing, it all felt familiar to him again. Every word, every dance in your bedroom at night, every memory.

Your voice was beautiful in his opinion. Angelic, even. Reggie recalled sleepovers in your room when you’d sing along to whatever was playing on the radio. Even when Reggie was too shy to sing or dance, you always pulled him out of his shell. Funny how now, things were the opposite.

“You know,” Reggie mused. “I’m still holding you to it.”

You stopped singing, turning your head in confusion. “Hold me to what?”

Reggie smiled knowingly. “Hold you to singing at one of our gigs,” he explained.

“When did I say I’d do that?” you asked curiously. “Was I drunk? If I was drunk it doesn’t count,” you said adamantly.

“Nope you were 100% sober,” Reggie chuckled. “Come on Cookie, you’ve got such a gorgeous voice, and it would be so much fun,”

“Mm, I don’t think so,” you said stubbornly. “If anything, I’m average. You’re the musician in this relationship.”

Reggie glanced over at you once the car rolled to a stop at the stoplight. “I think you’re amazing at everything you do, Cookie.”

Rolling your eyes, you took his hand off your knee and kissed it gently. “I think there’s a little bias in that statement, Flicka. You’re just required to say that because you sleep next to me each night.”

Reggie laughed. “While that may be true,” he admitted truthfully. “And I definitely don’t want to be murdered in my sleep by the girl I love most in my life...” You snorted, shoving Reggie to hide the blush on your cheeks. “I do think you have a whole bunch of talent, no bias.”

“Definitely biased,” you shot back in a sing-songy tone.

“You’re a dork, Cookie,” he laughed, turning down a street.

Rolling your eyes, you looked out the window. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“If I tell you, it would ruin the surprise,” he told you. “We’re almost there anyway, so just wait.”

Reggie kept driving until he hit another exit, driving through the valley all the way until you saw the brightly coloured lights accompanied by jolly music.

“No way!” you grinned. “How did you know this was happening?!”

“Little birdie told me,” he grinned.

“My dad?”

“Yeah your dad,” he nodded.

As soon as Reggie parked on the side of the road, you grabbed his face, peppering kisses all over him. “Have I told you how much I loved you, Flicka?” you asked giddily.

“Yes, but I don’t get tired of hearing it,” he grinned, “Come on let’s go,”

You nodded and opened the car doors, leaving the vehicle and heading excitedly to the fair.

“We should go on all the rides first,” you quickly said, “And then stop by all the food stands,”

“Oh my God Cookie, you’re going to die of a heart attack before we get home,” Reggie told you. “I kind of don’t want to be murdered by your grandparents.”

“Only acceptable way to go, doing what I love,”

“Eating fried food?”

“Yep, and dippin dots,” You nodded, swinging your intertwined hands.

Reggie shook his head, a small smile on his face. “What am I going to do with you,” he murmured.

“Join me in my fried food bliss?” you suggested.

“You know, what maybe I will, can’t kill me if I’m already dead,” he joked and held out his hand for you to take. “Where too first Cookie, you’re the boss,”

“Maybe the ferris wheel, make it like old times?”

Without answering, Reggie quickly pulled you to the line, wrapping his arms around you from behind and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Can we stay like this forever?” you asked.

“I really hope so,” Reggie smiled.

You got lucky and the line moved up quickly and you slid into the seats, placing the safety bar in front of you while the ride whirred up to a start.

“Still afraid of heights, Flicka?” you teased as the ferris wheel began to turn.

Reggie’s face was slightly pale as his hand gripped yours tightly. “Never,” he answered, his voice slightly shaking.

“It’s okay, Flicka,” you laughed. “I’ve got you, knight in shining armor right?”

He nervously laughed, making the mistake of looking down and curled in tighter to you.

Once you reached the top of the ferris wheel, you nudged Reggie’s side. “We’re at the top,” you whispered. “You can open your eyes now.”

Hesitantly, Reggie opened his eyes. From that height, he could see the entire city. “Wow, Penticton is tiny!”

“I know,” you chuckled. “But it’s kind of nice. Easier to know someone in a town than a big city,”

“Here I have a question for you,” he said, turning to look at you and trying to ignore the great height. “If you could live anywhere, in North America,” he said, knowing your answer would be Vienna if he involved the whole world. “Where would it be?”

“I think LA,” you nodded. “Everyone’s there. Well aside from mom and dad, but as much as I love it here and will never get tired of this view, I think LA would be my place to settle,”

Reggie smiled, squeezing your hand affectionately. “I’m glad.” You raised an eyebrow, making Reggie cough awkwardly. “I mean, I’m glad that you think that because I think that, too.”

“What, you don’t want to go back to Wyoming?”

“Not if you’re gonna be in LA, maybe as a retirement plan,” he admitted. “I’ll always want those 30 horses,”

“Maybe we could have a farm one day,” you suggested. “We could name it Flicka’s ranch,”

Reggie chuckled. “Flicka and Cookie’s ranch,” he corrected. “We’re running it together.”

You raised his hand to your lips, kissing it softly. “Of course, Flicka.”

You two stayed in silence, taking in the scenery until your gondola reached the ground. Thanking the ferris wheel operator, you quickly pulled Reggie to the game stands.

“Play a game, sonny,” an older man called over to Reggie. “Want to win a bear for your girlfriend?”

Reggie’s face turned red. “Oh, um we’re not-”

You pressed a kiss to Reggie’s cheek. “I think we’re to a point where we can finally put a label on us,” you winked.

Reggie smiled down at you. “Well, girlfriend, he began teasingly. “Would you like a bear?”

You hummed in thought. “If you get me a horse plushy, I’ll be yours forever,” you replied.

Nodding, Reggie paid for the bean bags, preparing to throw them at the cans. His heart was beating out of his chest. It was no big deal, only his relationship on the line, right?

“Flicka, you look so pale, why are you nervous,” you chuckled, taking his hand in yours and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “You’ll do fine, I love you,”

That was all the assurance Reggie needed to chuck the bean bag, straight into the pile of cans, sending them tumbling down.

He beamed and so did you while the game operator took the horse plushie from the rack and handed it to you.

“For the lovely lady,”

“Thank you,” you grinned. “See Reggie you did-,”

Dangling around the horse’s neck was a necklace, your horseshoe necklace that you had given to Reggie before leaving to Canada. And linked on the silver chain was a small ring, a perfect fit for your finger, you could tell just by looking. It took you a moment, but your eyes finally managed to break their gaze and went to look at Reggie, only to be met with an empty space. You frowned and looked down to see Reggie, kneeling on one knee in front of you.

“Well, um, you willing to keep that promise, Cookie?” he asked.

Your hand flew to your mouth and you took a step back, tears flooding your eyes.

“Shut up,” you whispered. “Flicka, shut up.”

Reggie chuckled at your reaction. “Not exactly the reaction I was expecting,” he joked, making your face turn red. Reggie wiped his hands on his jeans. “Cookie, I-I don’t want to wait for the universe to bring us together, I’m tired of pushing you away. I want to do anything and everything in my power to make you the happiest person alive, because that’s all that matters. I’d give up the entire world for you and wherever you need to be I’m going to be right there with you, I don’t care if it’s Penticton, LA, or some random town in the middle of nowhere Wyoming, as long as I’m with you. Cookie, I-I-I-,” Reggie’s voice cracked and you shook your head, telling him he didn’t need to go on, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing a firm kiss to his lips.

“Yes, yes, yes,” you cried once you pulled away. “We’ve had one hell of a life, Flicka. We’ve had too much sadness to last a lifetime. I’m ready Flicka, no more waiting, no more doubt.”

Reggie stood up, pulling you into yet another kiss while spinning you around. He beamed at you, tears streaming down his cheeks as his green eyes sparkled with complete adoration.

“Oh my God we have to tell my parents! Your parents! My grandparents! The guys and Rose!”

“Woah, woah, calm down Cookie,” Reggie laughed. “And I totally agree we should tell the family, but I think you should probably put the ring on, first.”

“Oh my God, yes!” you exclaimed, taking the ring off your necklace and placing it on your ring finger.

“Also, I don’t know about you, but I think after all the lies from the gang, maybe we should have some fun with them too,”

“Flicka I like the way you think,” you grinned mischievously. “See, that’s why I said yes.”

Reggie raised an eyebrow. “Not because you love me?” he asked, feigning hurt.

“Mm, that too, I guess,” you teased. “Okay, now what do you say we just grab a bunch of food and get out of here?”

“And spend the rest of the night with my future wife? Sign me up,” he grinned.

Damn you liked the sound of that.

The ride back home was a blur. You were incredibly giddy, arms full of candy and fried food. You couldn’t stop looking down at your ring, sparkling in the moonlight.

You were engaged. To your childhood best friend, the boy you loved most in your life. For once, everything felt right, and all your worries slowly melted away. All because of Reggie, and you were grateful for that.

When you opened the door to your grandparents home you saw everyone sitting anxiously in the living room, probably already aware of the situation.

“Hey guys,” you greeted awkwardly, trying to slowly ease the topic in.

Tamara stood up abruptly. “Oh, none of that nonsense,” she cut in. “Show me the ring!”

Without letting you take a moment to set your things down, your grandmother grabbed your hand and examined the ring, readjusting her glasses to look closely.

“Nana!” you exclaimed. “Careful!”

“So it’s official?” Eloise asked curiously, standing up from her seat.

“Pretty darn official,” Reggie grinned. “We’re getting married!”

Eloise’s hand flew to her mouth as she tried to hide a few tears of joy. Mateo and Earl both came to give Reggie a pat on the back, now he was one of them and they wished him good luck on that. Being married to a Brandanowitz was no walk in the park.

“I made a special batch of scones just for you guys,” Tamara smiled. “I’ll go grab them, fresh out of the oven,”

“Reggie should you call your parents?” Mateo suggested. “Tell them the good news?”

“Actually yeah,” Reggie nodded. “(N/N) do you want to come? I’m sure they would love to talk to you,”

“Sure, it’s been a while,” you nodded, “Guess Darcy was right after all,”

You gave your mother your things before taking Reggie’s hand and guiding him to downstairs to where the telephone was. Reggie quickly took the phone off the hook, dialing his parents’ number.

“Hello?” a voice finally picked up.

“Hi Mom, Dad,” Reggie greeted with a soft smile. “I, um, wanted to tell you-”

You took the phone from him. “We’re engaged!” you exclaimed into the speaker.

You could hear Diana squeal excitedly. “Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you!” she told you. “Tell me all the details, I want to hear it all.”

Setting yourself down on the sofa, you giddily spilled all the details of your night to Reggie’s mother. The grin on your face made Reggie’s heart do a flip. You were absolutely perfect to Reggie. You’d fit in perfectly in his family, he knew it.

As you continued to talk to Reggie’s parents, your hand found Reggie’s on his lap. Squeezing it tightly, you flashed him a grin.

“I love you,” you mouthed to him before continuing your conversation.

Reggie kissed the corner of your mouth. “I love you, too.”

“Well (Y/N), what did I tell you, it was a when after all,”

“Yeah you were right Darcy,” you chuckled. “And I couldn’t be happier that you were, really. I’m so excited to be a part of your family,”

“And we’re happy to have you in it,” Diana assured you. “You’ve always been like a daughter to us (N/N), and you’ve always been there for Reggie so we couldn’t imagine a better pairing,”

“Thank you,” you said into the phone. “I’m glad to have Reggie in my life. You raised an incredible son, Diana, Dacy.”

Reggie playfully rolled his eyes, leaning his head on your shoulder. “She’s only saying that because she’s on the engagement high,” he joked.

“That’s not even a real term, Flicka,” you shot back. “It’s true. You’re an amazing son and boyfriend. Or should I say fiance?”

“Neither,” he murmured into your neck. “Husband sounds much better, Cookie.”

You flicked his forehead. “We have months of planning first, Flicka. Then I can call you husband all you want, okay?”

Reggie pecked your lips, smiling up at you. “Perfect.”

You heard Diana and Darcy laugh on the other end. “Well, we won’t keep you love birds for too long,” Darcy said. “Have a good night you two.”

“Goodnight,” you chirped back before putting the phone back on the ringer. You let out a deep sigh, falling onto Reggie’s chest as you pushed him down on the couch. “We’re engaged,” you sang into his shirt.

Reggie laughed, placing his hands on your waist. “We are,” he said back.

“You know what that means, right?” Reggie let out a hum in response as you grinned. “I think that means we should get an upgrade on our nicknames.”

Reggie raised an eyebrow. “You don’t like Cookie?”

“Oh no I love it,” you reassured him. “But I think that once we get married, a little change is in order.”

Reggie drummed his fingers against your waist, making you giggle at the ticklish sensation. “Okay then, Cookie, shoot.”

You hummed in thought, biting your lip as you thought. “Well I didn’t think I’d get this far,” you confessed truthfully. “But, I think those cute couple names are nice. Darling, love, Mrs. Peters.”

Reggie sent you a small smile, pressing a kiss to your lips. “Okay, darling,” he kissed you once more. “Love,” and then another kiss. “Mrs. Peters.”

Before you could even process it, you found yourself pushed against the couch as Reggie pressed dozens of kisses all over your face. “Flicka, stop!” you shrieked. “It tickles!”

“Never,” he pressed a kiss to your nose and you squealed.

“Reggie seriously, if you stop I’ll move back to LA with you,”

“W-Wait what?”

That got his attention.

“Well I’d do it even if you didn’t stop. I-I want to go back and if we’re getting married I think there’s no better reason,”

Reggie sat up, you following him. “Really?” he asked. “I thought you wanted to stay here? I-if the reason why you want to go to LA is for me, don’t. I’m willing to stay here and settle down, get a job, buy a cookie factory-”

“A what?” you questioned. You rolled your eyes at Reggie’s flustered expression and decided to continue. “Reggie, I’m not going to force you to stay here and forget everything you love back in California, that’s asking too much of you. Besides,” you cupped the side of his face affectionately. “I want to go home, too. I miss them a lot.”

“We can move into my place, and then look for something a bit bigger, the band’s coming into some money soon,” Reggie explained.

“A house by the beach?” you suggested. “With a nice garden and not that crappy balcony we had in our other apartment?”

Reggie scrunched up his nose. “I happened to like that balcony, Cookie.”

“Fine, a nice house by the beach with a garden and a crappy balcony,” you said sarcastically.

“With many bedrooms,” Reggie added. “For our kids, some day.”

“Four,” you grinned. “So the boys don’t have to argue about who’s going to be the godfather.”

Reggie kissed the top of your head. “And a guest room, for when our parents visit.”

“And a music room?” you asked.

“Of course, Cookie,” he reassured you.

You couldn’t help but smile as you leaned forward, your forehead resting against his. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Reggie weaved your hands together. “Me too, Cookie,” he whispered. “Me too.”

—

“(Y/N) come on please just try it on,” Rose begged.

“I move back and I’m barely here a week and you’re already forcing me into your potential wedding dress,” you rolled your eyes. “Why am I not surprised,”

Rose shoved the dress into your hands, pushing you towards the dressing room. “Go on, the boys will be the judge, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, yeah,” the guys muttered, far more focused on the free alcohol.

“Hey!” Rose snapped her fingers, making the boys jump in surprise. “This is my special day, so if I turn out looking like the cake instead of a bride, I will end all of you.”

Bobby whined as he leaned against Luke’s shoulder. “I didn’t expect this plan to go for so long,” he muttered, making Luke shush him.

“I’m ready!” you called from the dressing room.

Rose squealed excitedly. “Well, come out!” she yelled back. “We’re all dying to see!”

Sighing dramatically, you pushed the door open, walking towards the center of the room.

“Cariña,” Rose gushed. “You look like a princess straight from the fairy tales!” She glanced over at the boys, all of them murmuring in response. “Guys!”

“You look amazing, (N/N),” Alex told you kindly. Ray wordlessly agreed.

“Like a royal bride!” Luke added.

Everyone turned to Bobby, who was drinking the last of the champagne. “Hot,” was all he said as he downed the drink. Alex, Luke, Reggie, and Ray all slapped him upside the head for that.

Rose rolled her eyes. “Why don’t we see what Reggie thinks?” she suggested, looking over at the black haired bassist, who was staring down at the ground.

“Yeah Flicka, what do you think?” you asked, twirling in the floor length gown.

“Eh I don’t think it’s a good idea, it’s bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding,” he shook his head.

“THE WHAT?!” everyone exclaimed.

Luke’s drink flew out of his hand, Ray had to catch Rose when she almost fainted and Bobby and Alex’s jaw’s were practically on the floor.

“Can you repeat that?” Alex asked, eyes widened in shock. “I think I must be hearing things.”

Luke nodded repeatedly. “Yeah, because I could have sworn Reggie said wedding,” he agreed.

“Then I must be having hearing problems, too,” Bobby muttered. “Or maybe it’s the alcohol. What did they put in this?”

“Definitely the green fairy drink,” Alex said, pushing his champagne flute away.

“Okay, first off why would they serve absinthe at a bridal shop?” you frowned, walking back to the dressing room to take off the wedding dress.

“Maybe so they spend a shit ton of money on these dresses,” Reggie nodded and the gang just stared at them.

“You’re seriously NOT gonna comment on that?!” Ray asked. “Ay dios mio, pasa el champán-” He leaned against the wall, fanning himself before reaching for his Rosary.

“Come on you guys give us something!” Luke exclaimed. “Bunny I’m your mom,”

“Okay but first, what’s with this fake wedding?” Reggie commented. “I knew something was off from the beginning but you guys really dragged this out,”

¨Because we were trying to get you all buttered up and drowned in marriage fever!” Rose whined. “But you guys were engaged all along?”

You finally emerged from the dressing room, wedding dress hanging on the door. “Not all along,” you answered, setting yourself down on the couch next to Reggie, swinging your legs over his. “Just in Canada.”

“And you didn’t think to give your friends a call?” Luke asked, pouting. “We’re the ones that have been rooting for you all this time.”

Reggie shot him a look. “To be frank, you guys were the ones that made this stupid plan.”

“We just decided to play along to see how high your patience levels were,” you added, wrapping your arms around Reggie’s neck.

“I told you it was stupid,” Bobby sang in a low voice.

“Shut up Bobby, you came up with the wedding dress bit,” Alex shot back.

“It was a genius plan that came with free champagne!” he exclaimed, gesturing to the flute in his hand.

“Bobby you really need to go to some AA meetings,” Ray sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You all,” he pointed to everyone. “Can suck my-,”

“Okay! So you’re all invited to the wedding!” you interjected before turning to Rose. “Be my maid of honor?”

Rose squealed. “Yes!” she answered giddily. “We can just take all your notes from when we were planning my fake wedding. It’s going to be the wedding of the century, I’m telling you.”

“The wedding of the century on a college student budget,” Reggie mused. “I’d love to see that.”

“If you think we’re doing this on just our budget you’re sorely mistaken,” Luke said and you raised a brow.

“Yeah how are my unemployed parents going to pay for this?” you asked.

“Reggie, your mom is a freaking lawyer,” Luke exclaimed. “I’m sure you could ask for some cash, and (N/N) your grandparents are decently well off and my parents can pitch in cause they’re not gonna get a wedding out of me anytime soon,”

“Guys we don’t want a big thing,” Reggie explained. “Just something by the lake maybe? At night and just close friends and family.”

Rose frowned, crossing her arms on her chest. “You’ll still wear the wedding dress, right?” she asked you. She rolled her eyes at your uncertain face. “Come on, (N/N) this is your moment to shine. I don’t want you to look back and regret not wearing one!”

“Maybe not that dress,” you said, cringing at the layers of tulle. “We’ll figure something out,”

“And you bet I’m helping you,” Rose told you firmly.

“Of course,” you nodded. “Now let’s just hope life doesn’t throw us another shit show,”

—

“Oh my God, I’m totally freaking out! Does anyone have a paper bag? I need a paper bag! Guys!”

“Rose calm down!” you exclaimed. “It’s my freaking wedding day and you’re the one having a melt down,”

“But what if-,”

“Don’t you even dare Rose. Don’t. You. Dare.” you warned and she quieted while you straightened out your sleek white dress.

“Kind of ironic, the person who was pushing you together this entire time being the one breaking down,” Luke chuckled, taking a sip of wine.

“Shut up Patterson, you were crying in the bathroom for like 45 minutes. I'm not the only person having a crisis,” Rose shot back, finally finding a paper bag in the back of her car.

Luke’s face turned red as he moved closer to you, only for you to jerk back. “Mm, no you don’t,” you told him, keeping a distance away. “I know how you get when you’re emotional and tispy. Stay away from the dress, mom. We don’t need any abstract painting on my shoulder.”

Luke sighed dramatically. “You wound me, Lady Bunny.”

“It’s going to be Lady Peters any minute now,” Alex announced, approaching you. He looked down at you, grinning. “You look amazing, (N/N). Reggie’s going to love it.”

You smiled, going on the tippy toes to kiss Alex’s cheek. “Thanks, Alex,” you said. “I’m glad somebody has their head on straight.”

“Yeah you might not wanna go see Bobby then,” he said, sucking air through his teeth.

You winced. “Please tell me he hasn’t found the wine yet.”

“He brought his own.”

Rolling your eyes, you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Dammit,” you groaned. “Just make sure he makes it to the vows, okay?”

Alex saluted to you. “Of course, (N/N).”

“I’m really starting to second guess singing at the reception, that’s got me more nervous than getting married,”

Luke shook his head at you, setting his glass down. “Really?” he asked. “You’re not scared the groom might up and run at the last minute?”

“Ha ha,” you deadpanned. “I know Reggie, he wouldn’t-”

“Guys we can’t find Reggie,” Ray came running in. Rose let out a cry, starting to hyperventilate into the paper bag.

“I swear to fucking God this better be a joke!” you yelled, pushing everyone out of the way. “Reginald Peters, when I find you I’m going to murder you!”

Alex ran, close behind you. “(N/N), I love you and wholeheartedly agree, but I think in order to have a wedding you should have a groom-”

“Get out of here with your technicalities!” you snapped. “Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting!” Alex let out a squeak in response, but remained silent. You pulled your hair in frustration. “I’m supposed to get married! And my future husband isn’t even here! I think I have the right to freak out!”

“I’m here! I’m here!” you heard a quick call and you looked up seeing Reggie running in your direction, dressed in his suit and tie, waving something in the air.

“Reggie the dress!” Rose screeched from behind you. Instantly, Reggie covered his eyes with the hand that wasn’t holding the box.

“Reginald Darcy Peters!” you yelled, marching up to him and promptly slapping him across the face. “Don’t you dare pull that kind of shit with me,” you warned. “Thin fucking ice Flicka,”

“I’m gonna pretend that didn’t just happen,” Reggie groaned, rubbing where you had slapped him. “I needed to get the ring from the shop. You want to get married without a ring?”

“But Alex has the rings,” you said with a frown. “Don’t you?”

Alex’s eyes widened before patting down his suit pocket, sighing in relief. “Yes, it’s here,” he informed you.

“I know,” Reggie sighed. “But this ring is different. Just trust me, okay?”

You scowled, crossing your arms on your chest. “As long as you don’t run off again. Pull that shit one more time and I’m calling Nana to bring the scones.”

Reggie paled. “Of course, darling,” he reassured you cheekily.

“That’s Mrs. Peters to you,” you flicked him.

“Okay, let’s get this guy out of here,” Alex said, dragging Reggie away.

You laughed breathlessly as Reggie almost tripped over a rock, eyes still closed.

“Of all the boys in this band you had to choose that one?” Rose asked, walking behind you. The paper bag was still in her hands.

You simply shrugged your shoulders. “He’s the one for me,” you laughed softly. “My Flicka.”

“Your stupid Flicka,” Rose shook her head. “Now come on, you. You have an aisle to walk and people to wow.”

You were pushed towards the area in front of the lake, where the ceremony was to be held. At that point, everyone had walked down the aisle. Alex’s little sisters as the flower girls, Bobby, Luke, and Alex, Rose and Ray, and yours and Reggie’s family members. Well, Tamara more so strutted with Earl by her side.

“Ready, sweetheart?” you heard your dad ask you.

You grinned up at your dad, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “As I’ll ever be.”

Tears began to pool in Mateo’s eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You’ve grown so much,” he told you, his voice cracking. “It feels just like yesterday when I first held you in my arms. Now you’re getting married?”

“Time really does fly, huh?” you said back, reaching up to wipe away his tears. “I’m still your little girl, I promise.”

“I know,” he sighed, still smiling. “Just, remember to call from time to time, okay?”

“Of course, Dad,” you laughed. “Every minute of every day if I have to.”

“Lord knows how high your phone bills will be,” Mateo shook his head with a light laugh. “Let’s go?”

Nodding, you took your dad’s arm as you walked down the aisle. You couldn’t help but grin so hard that your cheeks ached. Everyone turned around to see you, gushing quietly. But your eyes were only on Reggie’s.

He stood at the center of the altar, his cheeks already tearstained. No matter how often he wiped his eyes, the tears kept flowing. He couldn’t help it. You were beautiful, angelic even. Your smile and laugh made him feel just as Ray said all those months ago. Like everything was right in the world. It was only just him and his Cookie, his darling, his love. And that was all that mattered. That you were his.

You finally reached up to him, your bouquet held tightly in your hands. “Hi Flicka,” you said in a quiet voice.

“You look even more gorgeous than I had ever imagined,” he whispered to you, completely in awe.

“Cheesy dork,” you shot back. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“I’m your cheesy dork,” he said before turning to your dad. “Sir,” he greeted, cheeks reddened.

Mateo only smiled at the two of you talking. He knew Reggie was the one for you. “What did I say about calling me that?” he asked in a playfully stern voice. “Keep her safe, okay? And love her every day of your life.”

“I promise,” Reggie reassured him.

Mateo patted Reggie’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t want anyone else for my daughter to spend the rest of her life with,” he told him before formally passing you on to Reggie. Turning back around, you quickly mouthed “I love you” to your dad before taking Reggie’s arm.

The two of you turned back to where the officator was, only to see Bobby holding the minister’s book in his hand. “Hey, dorks,” he greeted with a snort.

You raised an eyebrow. “Reggie, I thought you called to get um...an actual minister.”

“I did,” he whispered back. “I just saw him like, a second ago. Where did he go-”

“We’re gathered here today to celebrate these fuckers finally getting it on,” Bobby continued, pretending to read from the book. “It took some time but damn they’re finally together. (N/N)’s Canadian, Reggie’s from Wyoming, everything’s a fucking lie but their love is real, so it works out-”

“Young man, leave the altar immediately!” a voice yelled. Everyone turned to see a much older man shooing Bobby away. The minister took the book, opening it and sighing. “I’m sorry, where were we?”

“Just about to marry the love of my life,” Reggie grinned.

“Yes of course,” the minister nodded and opened his book, starting to officiate the ceremony. Many tears were shed, mostly from Luke, almost all from Luke, and finally it came time where you and Reggie could take the lead.

“I believe the happy couple have prepared individual vows?”

You and Reggie both nodded, holding each other’s hands tightly and only looking into each other’s eyes.

Reggie went first,

“Cookie, we’ve had --to be honest-- a shit hand given to us. But despite all of the things thrown in our path, obstacles that forced us to stay apart, you continued to put your faith in the universe. That optimism, that complete faith in something you can’t see or feel, I admire that. Even as kids, I knew that you were exactly the kind of girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I promise that I will protect you with my life, and shower you with a million compliments and kisses every day, just to hear that laugh of yours that you hate so much. I promise to cherish every second of our lives together like my life depends on it, but if I’m being honest, if I didn’t have you in my life, I wouldn’t be living. You’ve brought a whole new world to me, and I swear to you I will never let you go.”

You fought back the urge to just kiss him right there and instead fought back your happy tears while you tried to deliver your vows, only to be interrupted before starting by Alex who nudged a tissue box near you making you and the rest of the group chuckle while you quickly dabbed away your tears and took a deep breath.

“I- I love you so much, Flicka. You are the love of my life, my partner, my best friend, and I could never find anyone as brilliant as you. I promise to love you with everything in me, despite the obstacles life throws at us. I want to wake up every morning with you by my side, laugh with you by my side, even cry with you by my side… I mean let’s be honest that last one happens more often than not,” that earned a chuckle from the boys and Rose especially. “Because let’s face it, everything in this world is always better with you, by my side. I promise you, that I will love you unconditionally throughout our lives, through every adventure, and throughout every hardship. I love you for you.”

“JUST KISS ALREADY!” Luke yelled from the side and everyone burst into laughter while the minister shook his head,

“Why did you even bother with me?” the minister asked and you and Reggie apologized. “It seems as if the most popular opinion would be to get this over with so the rings?”

Alex passed Reggie the new ring from earlier and Rose passed you the one you and Reggie had picked out.

Reggie pulled out the ring and you gasped quietly looking at the stunning ring.

“Oh my God Reggie how did you afford that?” you whispered as he slipped the ring on your finger.

“It’s passed down in the family,” Reggie explained. “My mom and dad wanted me to give it to you,”

You looked over at Darcy and Diana, mouthing thank you and slipping Reggie’s ring on his finger.

“By the power vested in me by the State of California I now pronounce you husband and wife-,”

“You may now kiss the bride!” the boys yelled and the minister threw his hands up in the air and nodded.

“Go ahead, kiss her,”

You and Reggie were both grinning like idiots while he pulled you into his arms, pressing a full kiss to your lips while your guests cheered loudly.

“Now food?” Reggie asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah I guess, Mr. Peters,” you sighed and he grinned.

“Why thank you Mrs. Peters,” he kissed you once more and everyone whooped and hollered again.

Damn, (Y/N) Peters, you liked the sound of that.

—

“No guys I don’t want to,” you whined, trying to run away from the microphones.

“Cookie you promised,” Reggie pouted.

“Yes get your ass up on that makeshift stage right now (Y/N), or I swear to God I’m pulling out the rosary-,”

“Okay! Okay! I’ll do it, just leave the rosary out of this!” you begged and hopped up onto the stage with Reggie’s help.

He handed you a microphone and you bit your lip looking at him as if you were asking if you were really going to do this.

“Embrace your awesomeness Cookie, you’ve got this,” he grinned. “And don’t worry all the guys and even Rose are backing us up,”

“Even Ray?”

“We put him on tambourine,” Reggie nodded and you let out a small laugh.

“Ladies and gents can I have your attention please,” Luke called out and your guests all turned to the front. “The bride and groom would like to share a special song with you, accompanied by Sunset Curve,”

“And company!” Rose added and there were small chuckles heard through the area.

“You ready Cookie?”

“No, but hit it,” you nodded and Reggie looked at his band mates, counting them in and singing,

“I don’t give a damn about the way you touch me when we’re alone. You can hold my hand if no one’s home. Do you like it when I’m away? If I wasn’t here in my body baby would you love me the same?”

You were hesitant at first, only adding in your harmonies quietly while Reggie took the lead as planned. Then the chorus came, and not only were you joined by Reggie, but Bobby, Luke, Alex and Rose.

“Oh baby I am a wreck when I’m without you. I need you here to stay.”

Reggie winked at you, taking your hand in his and squeezing it. You swayed together, quietly singing along until the second verse came. Again your voice went quiet, but Reggie turned your face to his and you locked eyes, giving you the push to raise your volume and get into it,

“Oh, oh, oh, oh and I know that you know listen close and move slow I can't speak fast or else I'll crack. It's the price I pay for going back and I've dreamed to be seen now I've got it, do I want it?”

Rose was looking over at you with the proudest face you’d seen since you had given her the news of the engagement. There wouldn’t be any death by rosary today.

As soon as the song ended, you were met with a deafening applause, but none of that mattered to you. Reggie passed his microphone over to Ray before cupping your face with his hands and kissing you softly.

“I knew you could do it,” he joked, pulling away.

“Shut up,” you laughed quietly. “I didn’t mind singing, now that I think about it. It was fun.”

Reggie raised an eyebrow teasingly. “Does that mean you’ll be joining our band-”

“Don’t even think about it, Peters,” you shot back.

“Of course, Mrs. Peters,” he told you with a smile. “Man, I’ll never get tired of saying that.”

“Good,” you grinned. “Because I’ll never get tired of hearing it.”

—

After the rush of wedding planning, it felt incredibly refreshing to finally relax. No more planning who’s sitting where or writing up a “family friendly” setlist, it was just you and Reggie.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Unlike anything I could have ever imagined.”

You ripped your eyes away from the beautiful buildings to smile at your husband. Reggie stood by your side, staring up at the scenery.

“Does this top Wyoming, Flicka?” you teased.

Reggie rolled his eyes, taking your hand in his and kissed it softly. “Anywhere is Wyoming when I’m with you, Cookie.”

You made a sour face. “Are you calling me Wyoming, Flicka?” you asked.

“I thought it was more romantic in my head,” he shrugged his shoulders. “But what did I say, this place waited for you didn’t it?”

“It really did,” you smiled. “And I hate it when you’re right,” you leaned your head on his shoulder, looking back out at the city again, admiring the opera houses and ancient architecture of a once prosperous empire.

Silence filled the air, aside from the occasional passersby. Reggie sighed, kissing the top of your head.

“You know,” he mused. “I hope to bring our kids here one day. You know, see the place their mother loves more than anything in the world?”

You bit your lip to hold back your grin. “Really?” you said in response.

Reggie hummed. “Well, this place makes you happy, right?” he asked you. “I’d like to show our kids around here. Share a piece of our story with them, too. Our adventures, all of it.”

“No problemo my dude, already done,”

“E-Excuse me?” Reggie coughed, turning his body to fully face you.

You couldn’t hold back your smile any longer. “I found out a couple of weeks ago,” you told him honestly. “I thought it would be best to tell you here.”

Reggie looked down at your stomach, his hands gently grazing your shirt. “T-there’s-” he stammered. “Our baby’s in there? As in, yours and my child?”

“No, Alex is the father,” you deadpanned. “Or wait no is it Bobby? Or Ray? Or maybe-”

Reggie cut you off, pulling you into a deep kiss. As soon as he pulled away, you looked into his eyes. They were filled with tears, and his smile was incredibly wide.

“You’re pregnant,” he whispered. “Oh my God, you're pregnant! I can’t breathe, I-”

You grabbed his shoulders. “Are you okay?” you asked, concern starting to seep in.

Reggie swallowed loudly. “Of course, I’m just-” he took a deep breath. “We’re going to be parents. I’m going to be a dad!”

“Hey you don’t know that,” you teased. “I never told you who the father is.”

“Shut up, Cookie,” he laughed, kissing you once more. “You’re carrying my little chocolate chip,”

Giggling, you shook your head. “You’re ridiculous when it comes to making up names.”

“Then our entire family will have to deal with them,” Reggie insisted. “All four kids, when the time comes.”

“Lord, I pray for them when they have to go to school,” you laughed.

You and Reggie sat down on a park bench. His hand immediately found its place on your stomach. There wasn’t any bump, but Reggie didn’t care. His child was there. His little chocolate chip.

The chocolate chip to his Cookie. He liked that. He liked that a lot.

general taglist: @katrina765 @glowstick-lesbian @well-hes-just-too-cute @slytherhoes @notasofti @sunsetcurving @kmsmedine @dxrling-neptune @mystic-writings @kmsmedine @acunamatata56​

will they won’t they taglist: @lil-lex1 @cookiecakeslive @ifilwtmfc​

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remember to like, comment, reblog, and send memes! <3

[azucanela]

7. SNEAKING SOMEONE OUT | SHINSOU HITOSHI

1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: Shinsou finds himself craving chicken nuggets, and Y/N’s presence, at 2AM. So naturally, he comes over and helps her sneak out so that they can get food and hang out, much to Y/N’s dismay. 

WORD COUNT: 2K

WARNINGS: crackfic turned sad boy hours but also fluff

A/N: this got deep and is basically pure self indulgence of my emotions 

Y/N really should’ve expected this. She really should have.

Shinsou had a tendency to simply, not sleep, he was a certified insomniac. No matter how many solutions Y/N had offered him, none of them worked. Which is why Y/N tended to wake up to about 75 messages from Shinsou each morning, varying from memes, to tik toks, to philisophical rambles, to the stupidest questions he’d ever asked her.

He’d never texted her this much though, her phone nearly falling off the nightstand because of how much it was vibrating whilst on silent, rousing her from sleep. Y/N groaned into her pillow, hand extending to her right in search of her phone as she patted around the nightstand with no success. Inhaling deeply, Y/N rolled onto her back, bring her hands up to rub her eyes before stretching her arms upward as she sat up in bed and turned to her side. Y/N picked up her phone, squinting at the ridiculously bright light that met her eyes as she read the time.

2:03AM

Y/N couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her lock screen, a picture of her and Shinsou, taken at a school festival they’d had. It had taken a lot of convincing to get him to agree to a photo, much to Y/N’s dismay, but he relented eventually. The memory only served as a reminded of the messages displayed on her screen, a lot of messages, most of which were from Shinsou. But Y/N only found herself looking at the most recent ones. 

shinsou <3 y/n wake up

y/n

y/n get up 

im coming over now, and no you don’t have a choice in this matter

you better be awake by the time i get there or i will egg your window

we are going to get food by the way [1:34AM]

shinsou <3 hey loser im here

climb out your window

are you even awake

y/n i swear [2:01AM]

In a perfect world, Shinsou would’ve been joking, and Y/N would’ve been able to go back to bed and text him again in the morning about a weird video she saw online. However this was Shinsou and the world was far from perfect. Meaning the boy was definitely parked outside her house. Y/N moved to slip out of bed and peer outside her window, only to see Shinsou was already standing on the grass of her front yard, fingers typing furiously against his phone as Y/N felt her phone vibrate in her hand once more. 

She found herself glaring as she threw the phone onto the bed to free both her hands and open the window. Pushing the window up, Y/N bent down slightly to put the upper half of her body outside as she called out to Shinsou, “what the hell?”

The boy looks up almost instantly, and Y/N can practically see the panic in his eyes, though it fades when he realizes it was her who spoke, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Are you ready?” He calls back in a hushed whisper, eyes narrowing as he scans the surrounding area.

“Shinsou—” Y/N brings a hand to her temple as she exhales deeply, “we are not going out to eat, it two in the morning!” She cried out, one hand making vivid gestures in an attempt to get her point across, while the other supported her weight on her slanted roof.

He rolled his eyes in response, “there’s a reason that some fast food restaurants are open all day long. This is the reason, now let’s go.” Shinsou has that same apathetic tone he uses everyday, as though this is something completely normal that they do everyday.

“I am not sneaking out of my house so that you can get some— some chicken nuggets!” 

Shinsou falters, face falling temporarily as he presses his lips together, “if you really don’t want to Y/N, you don’t have to.” His voice is soft enough that she can barely hear him because of the distance between them, but she does. Y/N can tell he means it, this isn’t an attempt to guilt her into going with him, and yet she can’t help but feel horrible for not going along with it. 

Which is why Y/N was now dressed in sweatpants and a tank top, trying her hardest not to fall off her roof as Shinsou called out to her, “Y/N. Don’t make me use my quirk—”

“You wouldn’t dare.” They both knew he’d never use his quirk on her, he had far too much respect for her. And he’d explicitly told her, more accurately, promised her during one of their rare late night talks, that he’d never try. 

He doesn’t reply, simply glaring at her as he comes up from under the edge of the roof, where Y/N had been sitting for the past few minutes, in fear of jumping off. “Just jump.”

“No.” She practically hissed, scowling as she peered over the side of the roof once more, viewing the drop, which wasn’t that far. Shinsou also stood below, meeting her glare with his own annoyed stare. 

“Y/N, come on.”

“You should be grateful I am even accompanying you, i could easily just go back to the safety of my room and have a simple and quiet night but you insisted—”

“I’ll buy you whatever you want, just come on.”

Looking back on it, Y/N really didn’t think this was worth it. Her parents would very likely end her life should they discover her... late night escapades alongside Shinsou, but at the same time, this was odd behavior for him. Texts in the middle of the night were normal, yes, but randomly deciding to come over because he wants food at 2AM? Weird. 

But Y/N couldn’t deny the that this was fun. Driving down practically empty roads, phone plugged into the aux so she could play whatever music she wanted— though Shinsou judged every song she played rather brutally. The windows were rolled down all the way and Y/N had never felt more refreshed as she sat beside Shinsou in the passenger seat of his car, watching as he ordered their food through the drive through.

A comfortable silence fell between them as he paid and thanked the cashier at the window, retrieving their food and wordlessly handing it to Y/N before driving to the parking lot of the establishment. She found herself taking sips of her milkshake and absentmindedly eating fries.

Yet Y/N couldn’t help but feel concerned as she looked over at the boy, hand on the wheel as he quietly hummed along to the playlist they shared. Drives with Shinsou weren’t rare, seeing as he drove Y/N to school practically daily, especially since he didn’t trust her driving skills.

Her brows furrow as she leans back in her seat, folding her arms before speaking, “are you okay, Hitoshi?” Y/N looks away from him, “answer honestly.”

She can feel his eyes land on her when she finished speaking, Y/N can’t help that she floods with anxiety as she awaits his answer, only to look to Shinsou to see a small smile on his face as he parks in the parking lot of the brightly lit restaurant. “Yeah. I’m good actually.” Y/N tilts her head at his words, awaiting for him to continue, he seems to consider what he says next carefully, “are you glad you came here, with me?”

Though Y/N feared the repercussions should they get caught, she already knew her answer, “yes. I’m happy to be here.” Y/N fidgets with her fingers as she inhales deeply, eyes drifting to her window, “I think— I think I would’ve regretted it more, if I hadn’t come with you actually. And I don’t want to regret anything.” She bites her lip anxiously, picking at her fingernails, “I wish I was more adventurous sometimes, I guess?” 

Y/N couldn’t explain the feeling well, the one that made her wonder if she was missing out on certain parts of life, parts that she might’ve experienced if she had been just a bit more bold. In the moment, yeah, it seemed horrifying, but Y/N couldn’t help but wonder afterwards if she should’ve said yes. She couldn’t help but feel regretful as she wondered what could’ve been. 

Sitting there with Shinsou made her feel like a hypocrite though, seeing as she’d had feeling for the boy for longer than she cared to admit, and would likely regret never telling him. Though Y/N was fairly sure she would regret it more if she did tell him and he rejected her, so hiding her feelings was far more ideal. But the small part of her that wanted to tell him, to just come forward with her feelings, regardless of the outcome. 

Y/N tries to push away these thoughts, bringing her attention back to the moment at hand as Shinsou rests his head against the seat, fingers tapping at the wheel of the parked vehicle, “I get it.” Comes his reply, and he seems to be rather deep in thought as he sits there, hand reaching into his bag for some fries.

Y/N feels compelled to speak, to tell him that he does make her happy, because she can tell that a small part of him doesn’t believe her, so when she opens her mouth the words just begin to fall out. “You make me happy, you know.” Y/N doesn’t know how else to explain it, and she doesn’t see his eyes widen a fraction as he shifts in his seat to look at her, “I never would’ve done something like this before I met you. But...” Y/N turns to meet his eyes, offering him a smile, “well, I’m really glad I met you Hitoshi. You make me feel like I’m living—”

“And there’s a difference between living and just being alive, you know?”

Y/N can’t help the way her cheeks warm, feeling as though she overshared as she watches Shinsou nod slowly, “I get it.” He repeats, brows drawing together, he opens his mouth just to close it immediately after.

“What?” 

Shinsou straightens at her words, clearing his throat as he brings a hand to the back of his neck, “I don’t... I don’t want to regret anything either.” His lips press together in a tight lipped smile as he looks up at the roof of the car for a moment, cursing quietly before returning his gaze to Y/N. 

Their third year would be starting soon, and Shinsou had considered this for a while. No matter how close he and Y/N were now, he couldn’t help but wonder where they’d be after graduating from UA. Both of them would be heading out in the world to become heroes, something that would likely take them in two very different directions. Maybe they’d never speak again after graduation, or maybe their friendship would fade, but Shinsou had a feeling his feelings never would. Y/N’s words just served as a reminder of just how finite their time together was.

Shinsou didn’t know when he fell for her, maybe it was right now, watching her take a sip of her milkshake as she watched him curiously, flustered under his piercing gaze. Maybe it was that time in class when she’d let him fall asleep just to wake him at the end and hand him notes she’d taken just for him, or maybe it was when she hugged him for the first time because he’d gotten in the hero course. He decided that didn’t matter, because he did know that Y/N L/N wasn’t going to be one of his regrets.

"I’m in love with you.”

A/N: this is unedited and the product of my brain at 1AM so i sincerely hope its not bad jkashdjkashdkjh

TAGLISTS:

BNHA: @shawkneecaps​ @beifongsss​

[lambourngb]

First line meme - "So what did you think about my song?"

This is the 4th - starting here, here, and here [one more planned!]

"So what did you think about my song?"

Michael didn’t look up from where he was tuning the second guitar, “Which one? You played a few today.” He tightened the heads, then ran his fingers down the long neck of the guitar. The callouses from his garage work were all in the wrong spots as he pressed his fingertip pads down on the fretboard, but the sound from the Martin 19 was still loud and sweet. He had almost refused the guitar when Alex had offered it, expecting to play the older Yamaha or the electric Gibson, but Alex had insisted, picking up the Gibson to play.

“Would You Come Home.”

Ah. That song. It was a popular closing song for Alex to play now that he had gained comfort in performing and a more loyal following than just co-workers and his brother. He could now stretch his set from one or two songs, to a modest six song set at the end of the night, and always finishing with that song.

There was no escaping it, Michael had learned, after the first blind-sided experience. In total, he had heard the song in completion at least six times now, the repetition hadn’t dulled the sharp cleave to his heart hearing their past sung to Roswell proper after years of secrecy but watching Alex step off the stage into Forrest’s arms each time kept any ridiculous impulse he had doused into dead embers. It also helped that by the end of the night, he was usually warm with alcohol and numb from the crowds around him, able to mimic the joyous noise with an armored smile. 

What did he think of that song? It was both the dictionary definition of what he loved about Alex, and an annoying file-not-found entry in his brain.

“I liked it,” Michael answered lamely, keeping his gaze carefully down at the high polished wood in his arms as he touched the tension in the bridge. “When you’re done with the Air Force, again, you should take it on the road.”

Alex made a considering noise in his throat as he adjusted the tone control on the Gibson. “Is that what you want?”

“For you to be done with the Air Force? Hell yeah, you’re too talented to play local bars, Alex.” Michael squirmed on the stool, his arms feeling both too small and too awkward to wrap around the guitar, or perhaps it was the conversation he couldn’t hold onto. “So what’s the song you want to play that you need another guitarist?”

Taking the subject change smoothly, Alex made another small adjustment to the machineheads before strumming the guitar with a satisfied smile. He looked up, finally meeting Michael’s gaze. There was a flicker of nervousness in his dark eyes before he answered, “Bruce Springsteen? It’s a song called ‘If I should fall behind’, starts in D. Come in, whenever you’re ready.”

We said we'd walk together, baby, come what may

That come the twilight should we lose our way

If as we're walking a hand should slip free

I'll wait for you, should I fall behind wait for me

Michael sat dumbly on the stool, his hands clumsy on the strings but the muscle memory of finding the pattern of the notes came back to him quickly even if his mind blanked over the words. Alex was singing a love song. A fucking love song, and this is what he wanted Michael’s help with? However cruel the voice in his head was toward himself, he refused to assign such malice toward Alex.

We swore we'd travel, darling, side by side

We'd help each other stay in stride

But each lover's steps fall so differently

But I'll wait for you, and if I should fall behind wait for me

Alex opened his eyes as he sang, looking over to Michael with a shy smile as he continued, the electric guitar singing in a high register, like a violin in a lightning storm. His dark eyes, this time full of promises, stayed on Michael. From the comfort in his voice with the lyrics, it was clear the song was well practiced, a firm part of Alex’s repertoire. 

Now everyone dreams of love lasting and true

Oh but you and I know what this world can do

So let's make our steps clear that the other may see

And I'll wait for you, and if I should fall behind wait for me

A glancing drop of water splashed over the body of the Martin guitar. Michael didn’t know when the tears started, just that the weight in his eyes kept building, block by block, as the air in his lungs escaped with more and more ease. Was he breathing at all? Did he even need to?

Licking his lips, Alex paused in the middle of the song and used his normal voice, “I um, changed the next bit, but I don’t think the Boss will mind at all, okay?”

Now there’s a universe before you, to travel instead,

We found each other once, trailing behind while you led,

But should you look my way again, can you hear this plea-

I'll wait for you, should I fall behind wait for me

Darling, I'll wait for you, and should I fall behind wait for me

Alex’s voice trailed off, long before the soft siren call of the guitar grew quiet. As if there could be quiet again, considering how loud Michael’s heart was pounding from hearing that song. His hands had gamely followed the chord progression easily enough during Alex’s performance, it was after all such a simple melody, that the second guitar was superfluous. The request was Alex’s own ruse to hold Michael in the chair for the totality of the song.

“So um, what about that song? Did you like it?” 

Michael looked down. There were a few more tear marks on the honey gold body of the guitar, shining brightly under the house lights. Carefully he rubbed the corner of his shirt sleeve over the body to mop up the stray water droplets, and then he unfolded his arms from around the Martin D to place the guitar gently in the deep blue bed of crushed velvet. “Alex…” Michael began, he looked down at both hands, bare and whole and capable of anything, and then the words dried up in his throat.

“It’s okay.” Alex got up from his stool, stiff and brittle. “I get it.” He coughed out a bitter laugh, “different song, same result. Well, I had to try at least once more-”

Michael waited patiently until he had stored the electric guitar before he stepped into Alex’s space, startling him into stillness. “You don’t get it at all,” he declared before seizing both sides of Alex’s face between his palms to kiss him in silence.

[Hiding, as I commited song fic in my old age lol]

[bloodhidden]

❝ It’s okay — you’re going to be okay! ❞

ANGST ! // SECRETS OF @xnctafraid

           she’s spent nineteen years keeping this secret and it was so easily torn from her. ❛ it’s not okay ! ❜ PANIC GRIPS HER CHEST, making her breath deep and uneven. her mother gave up everything she knew to keep her safe, so no one would ever know what she was. ❛ you don’t—- you don’t know what this means—- what they’ll do to me ! ❜

[chaotic-wanda]

Don’t Let Me Know

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Prompt: “Can I hug you?” “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Please?”

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: angsty angst, little bit of fluff, maybe on curse?

A/N: This is for @aesthetical-bucky​ 1K Writing Challenge! It’s also based off the song “Don’t Let Me Know” from SMASH which I’ve been rewatching a lot in quarantine. It’s not my best work but hey, practice is what makes you better 🤷🏻‍♀️A million thanks to @film-enthusiastt​ for reading over it for me, you’re the best! Constructive criticism is welcomed. Hope y’all enjoy! 

Soft music played in the dimly lit bar as Y/N sipped on her whiskey. The burn of it sliding down her throat started to make her feel numb. She doesn’t know why she agreed to this, why she keeps agreeing to this. After all, Bucky was the one to break things off, claiming the spark had just died between them. So why did she meet him every time he came calling when something was wrong? Even now as she was waiting for him, he was a half hour late. Finishing her third drink of the night, she motioned for another to the bartender before checking her messages. Nothing. Y/N knows she can’t keep doing this, but holding onto him is all that she can do until she finally learns the hands around her throat, the reason for all this torture, are her own. 

Another hour passed and still with no sign of Bucky. She lets out a heavy sigh, admitting defeat before she asks for her check. The weight of her own self hatred drowning her along with the copious amount of drinks the night brought. Hatred for being so pathetic over someone who treated her so poorly. Quickly wiping at her eyes before anyone could notice, she grabbed her things to leave. She mumbled a quiet thanks before striding towards the door. 

Y/N shrugged on her jacket before she stepped out in the chilly air. As she started walking home, she pulled out her phone to call her best friend. She seemed to always know what to say in these situations. After tapping on Wanda’s name, she lifted the phone to her ear as it rang. Once. Twice. Three times.

It wasn’t until the fourth ring that she answered, “He stood you up again didn’t he?” It amazed Y/N how Wanda always seemed to know what was happening. She gnawed on her lower lip as she tried to think of a response without showing her true emotions about the night. Sighing into the phone, Wanda spoke again, “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Y/N. I might not be able to see you right now but your silence speaks louder than anything else.”

Y/N laughed bitterly before responding, “Sadly my brain knows that, I just need to get my heart on board as well.” She kicked a rock along the sidewalk as she slowly made her way home. “I don’t know why I constantly continue to do this. It just hurts, but I don’t know how to let go, yanno?” She paused from walking for a moment to take a deep breath, “I wish he had done something unforgivable that way it would be easier to cut him off. But he was so nice about it and I guess I keep hoping the spark will reignite. Instead he just keeps hurting me and I keep letting him.”

Wanda’s heart broke for her friend but she didn’t know how else she could help. With encouraging words, she kept telling Y/N it would get better but it would just take time. Y/N agreed with a sigh before calling it a night and telling her friend goodbye. 

Hours later after making it home and washing the dried tear stains off her cheeks, she had finally made it to the point of exhaustion. She slowly pushed herself off the couch and was getting ready to throw away the bottle of wine she consumed when there was a rush of knocks at her door. She stared at her door for a few moments as if unsure if someone was actually at her door or if it was her imagination. Another burst of knocks at her door brought her back to her senses as she made her way over. 

She opened the door, wine bottle still in hand, to see Bucky leaning against her door frame. “Doll, I’m sorry but I can explain.” Y/N rolled her eyes and if she could without making a huge mess, she would have thrown the wine bottle at him. Instead she just opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. He pushed himself off the door frame and hesitated before striding through the door. 

She closed the door behind him before harshly speaking, “You better make it quick because I’m done wasting my time on you Barnes.” He flinched at the sound of his last name, knowing that she only used it when she was livid. 

He sat on the chair next to her couch and gestured for her to take a seat. She begrudgingly did as she was asked but sat on the opposite end so he couldn’t reach out to touch her. The unspoken tension between them was suffocating, neither one wanting to break the silence. 

Bucky finally gave in after a few minutes, gulping down a breath before stuttering out, “It was real shitty of me to leave you hanging at the bar. I ran into this girl from SHIELD and we got to talking and I just lost a track of time. I’m really sorry, I honestly didn’t mean to leave you waiting.”

Y/N laughed bitterly while crossing her arms over her chest, something she always did when upset as if it would protect her from falling apart in the moment. Bucky knew the nervous tick very well. He’d seen a lot of it towards the end of their relationship. 

“You can release the death grip. I promise you’ll stay in one piece,” he jokingly spoke, trying to lighten the mood. Instead, she seemed to go stiff and crossed her arms tighter. 

He’d hit a nerve and before he could apologize she replied softly, “I wish you didn’t know me so damn well.” Her eyes seemed to look at everywhere but him. 

Everything in him was screaming to reach out for her but he couldn’t seem to move his body. All he could do was look at her and wish that she could read his mind. “Y/N, I really am sorry. Please don’t let this one mistake ruin our friendship.”

She jerked her head in his direction at that comment, staring at him with a coldness he’d never felt from her before. “We’re not friends Bucky, we’re exes who can’t seem to let go of each other,” she hissed between her teeth. She felt her blood boiling, feeling the frustration of the night build up. “You didn’t want to be with me anymore and I was too stupid to walk away. But I don’t want to be your friend that you turn to anymore. I can’t do it anymore,” the hot tears were slowly streaming down her face now as she let all the pent up anger off her chest. 

Bucky frowned and moved to sit next to her on the couch, his only goal to comfort her. However, she jumped up before he could and pulled away. “You always keep me at arms length, you won’t pull me close, which is fine now that we’re not together, but you can’t let go either.” 

He could feel his insides twisting, afraid of what would come out of her mouth next. “What are you saying, Y/N?” he stammered out. 

She looked at him with a heavy sadness, knowing what she had to do. “I’m saying that I’m done Bucky. I’m letting you go so that we can both move on.”

He quickly jumped out of his seat and rushed towards her. He grabbed her hands while desperately trying to change her mind, “You can’t do that. We work in the same building and we have the same friends. You can’t just not talk to me. And despite all that, you’re one of my best friends. Who am I supposed to go to when I’m having trouble?”

Looking down she shook her head as the tears kept coming, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be that for you anymore. I have to do what’s best for me at this point. I wish I never met you, cause now I gotta forget what life is like without you again” She slowly pulled her hands out of his and took a step back. “I think you should go. . . please.”

Bucky could feel his own tears fighting to make their way to the surface. “Can I at least hug you, one last time?” he choked out. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she responded before gnawing on her lip. She knew she’d fall apart if she was in his arms.

“Please?” he asked with desperation in his voice as he tried to keep the sobs at bay. 

Y/N seemed to really look at him for the first time since he had arrived that night, having an internal fight over the situation. She let out a huff before lightly nodding. Bucky took a step closer and enveloped her into his arms, clinging onto her as if she was his lifeline. They both knew this was goodbye.

It had been a month or so since she had decided to cut Bucky out from her life. She wouldn’t lie and say it had been easy. In fact, it was really hard. She found herself constantly wanting to send him a text when she saw a funny meme or to call him whenever she had a bad day. But, she did feel more free, as if she wasn’t holding onto him desperately. She knew it would take time but it was time she was willing to take the time she needed. 

Y/N had really thrown herself into work and into her platonic relationships. She knew she’d been a crappy friend to Wanda and Natasha in the past months but was working on making it up to them. The start was having weekly girls night on Thursdays. It was her turn to host and she rushed around to finish getting ready when she heard a knock at the door. 

Confused, she made her way over. It was at least a few hours before the girls were supposed to show up. She was floored by who was on the other side. The time hadn’t been kind to Bucky. His hair was disheveled, the bags under his eyes reached a new level of dark, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. She hadn’t seen him in this state since she first met him.

“Buck, what are you doing here?” she whispered out. Part of her wanted to pull him in and hold him tight but the other part of her was terrified that everything she had worked on would crumble if she did. 

He let out the best smile he could muster that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to see me but I had to see you. I felt like I was going crazy.” He hesitated before looking back up at her, “Can I come in?”

She lightly nodded and stood to the side while he made his way inside. The deja vu of it all hit them both in full force. “I was just about to make some tea. Would you like some?” He nodded hoping the time it would take for her to make it would help calm his nerves and figure out exactly what to say. She came back a few minutes later and motioned for him to sit on the couch before handing him his mug. He smiled softly noticing it was his favorite mug of hers that he used whenever he came over. He rubbed his thumb over the chipped paint getting lost in the memories. Y/N slowly sat by him with her own mug in hand, tucking her feet under herself. “Are you ok Bucky? You don’t look so good,” she asked, the worry evident in her voice. 

He turned his head towards her before laying it back on the couch. He watched her for a few moments before finally answering, “I just miss you so much and I know I don’t have the right to, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. I just feel scared now that you’re not here.” He looked down, playing with the tea bag as he dunked it further into the water. 

She felt her chest tighten at his words. If he’d said this to her a month or so ago, she would have dropped everything for him. She so desperately wanted to be there for him but she knew she wasn’t at the place where she could support him and take care of herself yet. In a moment of weakness, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry you feel this way and I wish I could make it better, I truly do.” He flinched knowing there was a but coming. She took a deep breath and exhaled before continuing, “But I can’t open up my heart to you again. It’s still trying to heal from the first time you shattered it. And that’s my fault because I let you keep doing it which shattered it more.”

 He squeezed her hand in an attempt to keep her close. Bucky still couldn’t bring himself to look at her as he mumbled out the next words, “I fucked up and I should have never let you go. I realize that now and I want to give us another shot if you do.” He slowly dragged his hope filled eyes to meet hers as if trying to read her thoughts. 

She gnawed on her lips and closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears back. Her actions spoke volumes to Bucky and he slowly let go of her hand. Moving to get up, the words rushed out of his mouth, “I shouldn’t have come here and dump this on you.”

Before he could run out, she jumped up, catching his arm, “Bucky, wait!” He turned to look at her, the pain clear on his face. “I want to be able to give you what you want, but it’s so hard. I’m not sure how to trust you with my heart now. If I had known there was a chance you could fall again, I would have told you to not let me know.”

He slowly moved his hand to cup her face and slowly pulled her closer, explaining “I’ve tried and I’ve failed to stop loving you for months now.” He drew her into his embrace and she slowly wrapped her arms around him. Neither of them are sure how long they were in that position, but both knew they didn’t want to let go. 

Her phone started to ring and Y/N grumbled as she begrudgingly separated herself from him. She sighed as she read the messages letting her know the girls were on the way, wanting to stay in this moment. Still, she knew if her and Bucky were ever going to stand a chance in the future, changes would need to be made and she didn’t want to backtrack on all the work she had done. 

Looking up at him, she gave Bucky a soft smile, “I really want nothing more than to stay in this bubble with you.” His smile grew at that before she kept going. “But it’s girls night and I’m hosting so we will have to resume this later. I won’t cancel on Natasha and Wanda.”

He nodded in understanding, “Maybe we could go for coffee or I could take you out for lunch tomorrow?” 

Her smile grew into a grin that stretched across her face, “Only if it’s that bistro I love. I haven’t been in so long. It reminded me too much of you.” He let out a laugh before agreeing. Y/N bit her lip and looked down as she played with her fingers, the nerves setting in. “If we do this, there has to be a lot of changes. I refuse to lose myself again.”

He hooked his finger under her chin, bringing her gaze to meet his, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, I swear.” He placed a quick kiss on her forehead and she looked at him with such delight. Even though there was still a lot of work to be done, they both had a feeling of hope for the first time in a long time. And sometimes hope is all you can ask for.

[kimvvantae]

puzzle; 6 (m)

➜  you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, unprotected sex (use condoms y’all kids)

rating: 18+

word count: 13k wooohoooooo

A/N: i listened to the same 4 songs over and over again while writing and i think it kind of sets the mood for this chapter so hm if you guys like listening to music while reading here goes a small playlist:

Jungkook - If you (read the lyrics pls)

Whitesnake - Is This Love

BTS - Jamais Vu

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

enjoy!

➜  Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

“You’re acting weird.”

You finally look up when you hear this, just to see Hoseok frowning at you.

“I’m not.” You’re quick to say, shrugging.

“You’re really acting weird. Is everything okay?” Hoseok insists, crossing his arms.

Hoseok is not what bothers you the most, though, but another pair of eyes watching you like a hawk.

Jimin knows why you’re acting weird. Since that day at Joy’s house, he has been staring at you like this constantly - half judging, half worried. 

It’s very annoying, to be honest.

“I’m just… a little bit stressed.” You admit, shrugging again. Fortunately, Hoseok isn’t as observant as Jimin, so he seems convinced.

“So, what did you guys want?” You ask, changing the topic. They came after you in the cafeteria while you have lunch after all.

“Ah! I almost forgot,” Hoseok starts. “You quit your job at the coffee shop, right?”

“Yes. It was way too stressful and my boss was a bitch.” You huff. 

“So you’ll be free this weekend?” He asks. You nod, but if he’s about to invite you to a party or something, you’re ready to say no. “The thing is, you know that me and Jimin have this job as waiters, right? There’s a wedding this weekend and they’re needing staff. So, if you’re interested, you can come with us on Saturday night. The payment is decent and it’s just easy stuff to do.”

Your mood lightens up at this. “Yeah, sure! I’ll go. I really need money right now.”

Hoseok smiles and claps his hands together. “Alright! I’ll send you all the information later. They’ll give you a uniform, so don’t worry about clothes. I have to go now. Bye!”

He leaves.

Jimin stays.

You just keep eating quietly, Jimin’s heavy gaze on you, until you finally get annoyed.

“Jimin, what do you want?” You cross your arms and glare back.

Jimin slowly quirks one eyebrow. “Won’t you ask me if Jungkook’s going?”

“Why would I ask if he’s going or not?”

“Because you guys aren’t talking anymore.”

“Thank you so much for reminding me of this, Jimin." 

He realised that he went a little too far just by seeing your clenched jaw and the anger in your eyes. Jimin sighs and shrugs. "Anyways, yes, Jungkook is going. But not to work as a waiter, he’ll take pictures instead.”

“So what?" 

Jimin swipes his hand over his face and shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing. "I think you’re so stupid. Both of you. My fucking God.”

“You know what, Jimin? That’s none of your business.” You finally get up and take the tray rather roughly, walking away without looking back.

Maybe you were a little too rude with Jimin, but he’s being unbearable these days. 

It’s been one month since that day at Joy’s house - one month since you and Jungkook have been avoiding each other like the plague.

And maybe you were a little too rude with him because deep down, you know he’s right.

As usual.

tae: wyd?? 👀👀

you: working

tae: ??? didn’t u quit ur job

you: yea

you: it’s one night thing

you: i need the 💸💸

tae: oh

tae: ok

tae: i’ll ask later then

you: wAIT

you: ask what??????

tae: later

tae: u should work first~

you: but im curious

you: i can’t work if im curious >:(

tae: 🙊

you: tae????

you: taeeeeeeee

you: TAEHYUNG

He doesn’t reply anymore.

You groan, shoving your phone on your back pocket again, and leave the restroom. The guests hadn’t arrived yet since the wedding ceremony is still ongoing, but the kitchen is already a mess: people yelling orders, the delicious scent of good food in the air, cooks cooking (duh) and waiters getting ready. The boss has already given you the last instructions, but it’s not as if working in an event like this is a difficult task: serve the guests, smile, be polite, walk around the hall, try not to break the crystal glasses that cost more than what you can pay.

The hotel is pretty fancy, actually. You were expecting a smaller wedding. Not that this is a problem, of course. The only problem here are the heels that all women are forced to use; it’s not too high, but walking around endlessly the whole night in these will be painful for sure. The rest of the uniform is that standard - black pants, white button shirt, black vest and bow tie, hair tied in a perfect high bun, simple makeup. 

You walk to the hall to make the last adjustments in the decoration. Pretty much everything is in place, so there isn’t much to do. The tables are organized, the floor is pristinely clean, the white flower bouquets are in place. A DJ will be in charge of music tonight.

You stand at the back of the hall, almost hidden, just to check your phone once more; no new texts. Now, you can’t stop thinking about what Taehyung wants to ask. He knows you’d get all curious. You and Taehyung have grown closer these days: late phone calls, endless texts, random memes at random times. You hadn’t gone on a proper date yet, though - and you don’t think you want to.

Taehyung is a nice guy and a good friend, but you don’t want to take things to the next level - even though this seems to be Taehyung’s intention since the beginning. He has been insisting in you for quite a long time now meanwhile all you do is keep a certain distance. You didn’t really give him any real hopes yet and you’re afraid that Taehyung might be reading your actions in the wrong way. Truth be told, it’ll be so shitty of you to keep his hopes high when you won’t go anywhere with this.

Your feelings are all messed up. 

Because you shouldn’t even be feeling anything in the first place.

Ironically, you’ve never been friends with benefits with anyone before. You did have some fuck buddies in the past, though - but you were never friends with any of them. You never got involved with any of your actual friends. Sure, there was that night when drunk-you and drunk-Jimin made out at a party (you don’t talk about it), but at that time, you had just joined college and neither you nor Jungkook were close to Jimin yet, so it doesn’t really count. Also, you and Jimin never had sex - you just kissed, nothing more.

But of course dumb you had to be friends with benefits with your best fucking friend. Of course you had to destroy your friendship like that. Everyone knows that sex is a friendship destroyer. Everyone!

One month without Jungkook felt like being in the desert without rain. You have good friends, but none of them are that special person that’s somehow able to read you mind and understand you even if you don’t say anything. None of them know the type of meme you’d laugh at, none of them sent you random snaps at random times of the day. Worst of all - you didn’t watch Endgame together, when you’ve been watching every Marvel film together ever since you both started obsessing over heroes years ago. Every. Single. Marvel. Film.

You didn’t get to see Jungkook crying during the last scenes of Endgame. Jimin didn’t say if he cried or not, but you know he cried.

That’s devastating.

Truth be told, you don’t even miss sex. Sure, you and Jungkook are the perfect match in bed, and you caught yourself masturbating at night wishing it were Jungkook’s fingers inside of you instead (touching yourself has never been so depressing), but what you actually miss to the point it hurts your chest are the small, familiar things. The comfortable silence. The funny banter. Going to Burger King together late at night after a party or when none of you want to cook. Showing each other funny videos or discussing about the latest chapter of the manga you’re both reading. Jungkook ignoring your texts for hours because he’s too focused on playing Overwatch. You even miss the way he never lets you eat the last slice of pizza, goddammit.

You simply miss him.

What leads you to another thought - something that has been growing stronger in your mind.

After days of self denial, you finally admitted that you were jealous of Jungkook and Joy.

There’s no other explanation for the way you acted that day at her house. You were mad that she was touching him and getting too close. That’s weird. You’ve never really been the jealous type. You never minded when people tried to flirt with Jungkook.

You’re not jealous of friends.

Even so, you had a jealousy attack and didn’t rest until Jungkook’s attention was yours again.

Being totally honest with yourself, you’ve been jealous of Joy ever since you found out she was interested in him.

…what the fuck?

Something inside of you have changed, and only now you’re brave enough to admit. Somewhere along the road, you stopped seeing Jungkook as just a friend. He’s currently in that blurry and confusing level - not only a friend, but at the same time, not more than a friend. You don’t know what the fuck he is anymore.

More importantly… do you want to be more than friends?

If you and Jungkook make up, will you be able to go back to what it was - just friends?

Or are you just being possessive? Did you start seeing him in a different way just because you realized you’re about to lose him?

You don’t know the answer to none of those questions. What you know at the moment is that being away from him fucking hurts. You have the same friends, go to the same places, study at the same university, but barely see each other anymore. What’s that thing people say? You just start valuing things after you lose them.

Jimin asked you not to play with Jungkook’s feelings. What he doesn’t know, though, is that you’re so confused about yours that you don’t have time to play with his feelings.

When you realize the guests are about to come, you force your brain to focus on your current task. You stand back with the rest of the waiters as, slowly, the elegant guests get into the hall, sitting at their respective tables, and soon the place is filled with conversation, laughter and music. 

After everyone took their places, the main couple finally come.

The lights change. The DJ plays a special song. Guests stand up and applaud when they enter the hall, smiling, and walk to the center to have their first dance as a married couple.

You could have noticed how the bride’s dress was beautiful. You could have noticed how her front teeth was dirty with lipstick and how the groom tried to discreetly tell her about this. You could have even noticed how one of the kids was starting to have a tantrum and his mother half-screamed, half-whispered, if you don’t be quiet you’ll be grounded for one month!

But you don’t notice any of that, because the photographer enters the hall right after the couple does.

Your heart flutters in a funny way.

Jungkook is wearing a suit (you don’t even remember the last time you saw him in a suit); black and simple, but it fits him so well. He isn’t much different from all the other man, except for his long hair - his black hair is so long he can probably tie it now - and his ear piercings. He holds his camera to eye level, capturing every moment he can from the couple’s first dance, a backpack with other tools hanging from his shoulder. 

Everyone else is focusing on the couple - but you can’t look at anything else but him.

He looks so handsome and focused and hot and-

Hey, you’re here to work!, you remind yourself angrily, shaking your head and walking back to the kitchen.

Drink after drink, tray after tray - you and the other waiters and waitresses walk around the hall to serve the guests. It’s not a difficult work, but still tiring nevertheless. It’s also hard to balance yourself and the trays with these high heels. Soon, you’re immersed in the work and momentarily forget about everything else, although (unconsciously) you try to avoid being seen by a specific someone.

Time passes by and the party goes on. Parents make heartfelt speeches, everyone cries. The DJ plays popular songs and soon the dancefloor is full. Alcohol already starts to get into their heads. Men are either speaking and laughing too loud or crying, hugging the groom. Women already forgot their high heels and their elegance, twerking shamelessly and screaming. Kids do the usual - run, yell, fall and cry - and they almost throw you on the ground twice. Someone spills champagne on the floor; you rush to clean it before someone ends up slipping. There’s the eventual noise of glass breaking. A certain dude has asked for your help far too much and you start to avoid him, noticing that he’s staring at your ass. Another guest pukes and is taken to the infirmary. As usual, you hear old women complaining about the food, how the decoration is ugly, how one waiter was rude, how the DJ doesn’t play the songs they want-

“The photographer is so hot! What’s his name?!” You hear someone giggling.

You gulp.

Jungkook is just doing his job, but that boy can’t go unnoticed, not even when he tries. You don’t know if he saw you yet, and honestly, you hope he didn’t.

Just do your job. Just do your job.

The night goes on. Your left foot hurts and you need to pee, but gladly most of the guests have already left - the groom and bride left first and the party went on without them -, the hall is almost empty, which means it’s almost ending. Now, you busy yourself with cleaning the hall.

“Man, I’m dead,” Hoseok groans, stretching his back. You nod, putting some empty glasses on a tray to take them back to the kitchen.

“Now imagine bearing it all in heels,” you say, not being able to keep your nice posture anymore. Not that there are many guests anyway - most are too drunk or sleeping on the tables. The DJ is still diligently playing, though. 

“The night was productive after all,” Jimin chirps happily, approaching you two with a smug  grin on his lips. You see he’s holding a small paper between his fingers… someone’s phone number.

“Son of a bitch,” you say under your breath. Jimin just shrugs and smirks. Much obviously, you apologized for your rudeness before you came. The fact that he forgave you so easily made everything worse, honestly. Jimin is a nice guy with his friends (way too nice for his own good sometimes) and it just shows how he doesn’t deserve to be treated in a rude way.

“I’m just taking the chances life gives me!” He chirps again, making you roll your eyes.

“Anyways, what’s wrong with Jungkook?” Hoseok wonders, crossing his arms and frowning. “He didn’t come over the entire night. Is he avoiding us?”

You gulp.

Instantly, your eyes travel to where he stands in the nearly-empty dance floor. He smiles politely to some women that stand around him. Everyone’s obviously too drunk and they’re probably talking nonsense.

He’s avoiding me, you realize sadly. 

“He’s working, Hoseok. His job won’t end if the guests keep asking for pictures.” Jimin is quick to say, what indeed makes sense, but Jimin also knows very well why he has been keeping his distance. Hoseok is the only one that doesn’t notice the strange tension in the air.

When you notice you’ve been staring for an embarrassing long time, you immediately shift your gaze to the dirty plates in front of you, organizing them in a pile to take them to the kitchen. You came here to work. That’s it. Focus-

An excited scream tears the air.

“I loooove this song!” One of the girls on the dance floor scream, the one that has been clinging on Jungkook ever since the crowd started to dissipate. Much obviously tipsy, her eyes were glued on him the entire night (not that you’ve been noticing the people checking him out. Of course not). “Jungkookie, dance with me!”

You almost gasp.

Jungkookie?!

That’s when you finally notice the face Jungkook is making - and you try your best not to laugh.

He has that look that means oh my fucking God someone please take me out of this situation.

The two boys by your side don’t try to hide the laughter as well as you, watching the desperate Jungkook try to turn her offer down - an awkward smile, eyes shifting from her, a muttered apology (I still have some work to do…) but the thirsty girl is surprisingly insistent (you can stop for a little bit, come on!).

“I feel sorry for him,” Hoseok almost chokes as he tries to stop his giggles. You kind of feel sorry, too. He can’t be rude to a customer, otherwise he’d be punched by her relatives - not that Jungkook would be rude anyway. He steps back, scratches the back of his neck. The girl is almost climbing him. He looks around desperately, trying to find a way to escape-

“Why don’t you help him, Y/N?” Jimin says sweetly.

You side eye the sugar-coated snake you call friend. “Jimin.” Is all you say in a warning manner.

Someone that doesn’t understand the situation wouldn’t think anything weird, because you’re actually used to save Jungkook from crazy girls. The thing is, sometimes he’s too nice to turn girls down - and yes, girls do chase him. When he’s not interested in them, you’d usually understand the situation and run on his rescue, most times pretending to be his girlfriend so the girls would stop bothering him. It’s something funny and you’d always laugh your asses off right after.

Not now.

You definitely don’t want to laugh now.

Jimin is being far from innocent. He just wants to push you two into each other. He may have good intentions, but he’s not considering the fact that you don’t feel ready to face Jungkook - not when your feelings are so messed up. This ain’t happening.

“Yeah, Y/N. Jungkook looks pretty desperate,” Hoseok remarks, again, oblivious to the tension lingering in the air.

“Jungkook can handle himself very well. He doesn’t need my help.” Even though Jimin feels your menacing glare and sees your jaw clench, this boy is very brave and insists:

“Come on, Y/N! It won’t hurt.” He says innocently.

Yes, it will hurt. It already hurts, dumbass.

“Did you guys forget that we’re here to work? I don’t want to be reprimanded.”

“The hall is near empty. There’s literally nothing to do anymore.” Hoseok doesn’t understand why you’re glaring at him now.

You’re trying to control your nerves, but it’s getting hard not to feel your stomach jump in a weird way and your fingertips tremble. Just the idea of approaching him makes you weak, and not in a good way. Why these people can’t just leave you alone?!

“Do you think that avoiding him forever will work?” Jimin hisses on your ear, low enough so only you can listen, finally showing how pissed he really is.

What he says gets you.

Avoiding each other isn’t working, you know this very well. You remember the way you used to deal with things in the past - talking. Sure, you won’t be able to really talk right now, but at least you’ll have a chance to approach him.

You don’t want to. You really don’t. But at the same time, you want to. You miss Jungkook. 

Besides, he can’t run away from you in this situation.

You take a deep breath and gulp, trying to ease the tension. Come on. I know Jungkook. He’s the same bastard I’ve known my whole life. Stop being a pussy. I’m not a pussy!

“Just to make clear,” you whisper back to Jimin. “I fucking hate you.”

“You love me.” You wish you could rip that triumphant smirk off his face.

You walk over to the dance floor.

The few couples dance slowly and intimately. Because of course it had to be a slow dance. Of course it had to be a romantic song. Haha. Of course. The Universe must be playing some trick on you. 

Jungkook managed to run away from the girl, trying to hide in the corner of the hall, and she’s searching for him like a hawk. You wonder if she’s this drunk or if she’s just stupid. A guy literally running away from you isn’t already a message enough?

You walk quickly to where he stands, and the moment Jungkook turns around and lays his eyes on you, shock covers his features.

“Y/N-?”

“Quick, dance with me,” you say hurriedly, placing his hands on your waist. “She’s coming.”

Instead of questioning, Jungkook immediately starts to play along as you place your own hands on his shoulders. You discreetly watch when the girl finally finds you.

She stops on her tracks.

“She saw us?” He asks without looking back.

“Yes.”

“And?”

You see fire in her eyes.

“If she had a gun, she’d probably shoot me.” The girl looks outraged that you stole her chance to grind on him. “Oh, she’s turning away.”

Jungkook sighs in relief. “Thanks God. She’s been bothering me all night!” You can’t help but giggle.

For a millisecond, it feels like nothing has changed.

But then you look at each other for the first time.

It might be dramatic, but you almost feel that the temperature drops around you.

Oh shit.

You avoid each other’s gazes at the same time. It feels so tremendously awkward to be in front of him again - especially when you’re slow dancing in the dim light of the hall, almost hidden. It feels uncomfortably intimate. Especially because you’re both keeping a distance that normal couples wouldn’t. You probably look like a weird couple at a prom party that were forced to dance together.

It feels foreign.

The way you touch each other doesn’t feel right. You have touched each other in the most intimate and obscene ways, yet the simple touch of his hands on your waist doesn’t feel right. Despite this, you feel your blood boiling with a strange type of excitement; you missed him so damn much. Even in this uncomfortable situation, you can’t help but feel a little bit happy. You didn’t know you’ve been craving for his touch so much up until now.

What’s weird is that you don’t even feel like this in a sexual way. You’re not aroused. Considering how your relationship became strictly sexual these past months, your lack of arousal to be around him is weird.

The butterflies in your stomach and the way your hands are shaking a little bit is also weird.

For some moments, you just sway from side to side in an overwhelming silence. You have no choice but to listen intently to the song being played. As if you already don’t feel fucked up enough, you’re forced to listen to a love song - an 80s love song on top of that. Of course it has to be Is This Love by Whitesnake. Of course. Haha.

“Uhm… thanks.” Jungkook finally breaks the silence. His voice lacks confidence. He probably never talked to you like this.

“Just helping out a friend,” you say and instant regret smashes you. You don’t know if he’s still your friend. 

Jungkook looks scarily annoyed for a second. “A friend. Sure.”

Is it inappropriate to notice how he looks handsome when he clenches his jaw?

Honestly, has Jungkook always been this handsome?

Sure, he has always been like this. Maybe not seeing him in a long time made you feel this way. His hair has grown a lot. He looks extra fine in this suit. Every man looks better in a suit, but Jungkook looks like a deity. 

The butterflies in your stomach are going crazy.

You did miss him a lot. 

The silence makes you pay attention to the song again.

Wasted days and sleepless nights

But I can’t wait to see you again…

Hah, I know how it feels, you think - what makes you widen your eyes, shocked with your own thoughts. No. You won’t suddenly relate to a cliche 80s love song. 

Right?

“H-How’s school going?” You stutter. Are you trying to do small talk? For real?

“It’s doing fine,” he simply says. Oh fuck. Not good. He sounds so uninterested in your weak attempt at engaging a conversation it hurts. You came here to try and talk about what really matters, but you don’t feel ready to do it yet. Can’t he understand it?!

It looks like your presence bothers him, honestly.

That’s new.

Wow. Your heart suddenly feels clenched.

Awkward.

Why am I feeling this way?

A heavy silence weighs on you again. This isn’t going as planned - not that you planned anything in the first place. You’re going through a lot of weird sensations now.

Why is that?

You look at Jungkook timidly (timid and Jungkook are two words that used to not make any sense together in the past), but he doesn’t look back. You avoid his gaze again.

Being hit by a truck would hurt less.

What’s happening?

Why are you so damn confused?

When the song hits its chorus, you start to think the Universe is definitely playing with you. The deep voice of the singer floats in the air:

Is this love 

That I’m feeling?

Is this the love

That I’ve been searching for?

Fuck you, Whitesnake. 

For real. 

Fuck. You.

“Did Taehyung ask you?”

This brings you back to reality in an instant.

“What?” You look at him, confused. Why is he talking about Taehyung of all people out of nowhere?

You’ve always been very good at reading Jungkook, but right now, he’s unreadable.

“So he didn’t.” He says blatantly, devoid of any emotion. “I thought he would have already.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He talked to me about a double date.” Jungkook replies, looking back at you for the first time - again, a blank face. “You and him, me and Joy.”

Your blood honestly feels like frost.

It’s like you lost the ability to move or talk for a moment. You blink and gulp, trying to keep composed.

“What? Why?”

“Because he said it’d be fun. And less awkward, since I’m not very close to Joy yet and you’re not very close to him.”

Again, you don’t say anything for long seconds.

“But we’d just be cockblocking each other during the whole date,” you say.

“I know. I think the idea of a double date sounds weird, too. It’s not as if we don’t know them.”

You remember what Taehyung texted you earlier today; he said he’d ask something later. Is he going to ask you out?

He thinks that, since you and Jungkook are best friends, you could ease the tension and even help each other out.

This is so fucked up.

The immediate answer that comes to your mind is no. You don’t want to go on a date with Taehyung when you’re not interested in him. It’d be cruel; you don’t want to keep his hopes high. 

But as you’re about to say it, you stop.

What if Jungkook wants to go?

All this time, you’ve only been considering your feelings. Your confusion, your wishes - it’s always about you. You don’t know if you want to be just Jungkook’s friend, but you don’t know if he wants to be more than a friend - or if he wants to be your friend at all. The fuck buddies thing started because you asked. Not even once did you think about him.

Is this what Jimin meant when he asked you to not play with Jungkook’s feelings?

How selfish you’ve been acting all this time?

What if he’s been developing feelings for Joy and now decided to try something? He’s probably feeling hurt because you’ve not been acting like a good friend. You’re always putting yourself first.

That’s why you hear yourself asking:

“Do you want to go?”

It’s scary how every tiny little piece of you wishes he’ll say no.

But Jungkook tilts his head and says:

“Yes. I know it sounds weird, but we can part ways as soon as we get there.”

And this is the moment you feel as cold as you’ve never felt in your life.

It’s as if your ears got obstructed for a moment, because you can’t hear anything but your heartbeat. You can’t even see properly for a second. Yet, you ignore all that, gulp and nod.

It’s time to be a good friend for once.

It’s time to put Jungkook’s wishes first - even though it crushes your heart.

“Okay.” You say quietly.

You’re coming to the conclusion that you’re a walking disaster.

You’ve never been so nervous before a date in your life - but this is not the usual type of nervousness, when people are excited to meet their crush and impress them etc etc. You’re nervous because you don’t want to go. You thought of coming up with a thousand excuses (from the classical “I’m sick :(” to “Seulgi’s sick I gotta take care of her :(” to “my cat’s sick :(” but then you remembered you don’t have a cat to “I’m being chased by the police and I gotta leave the country :(”), but in the end, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie.

Not when Taehyung sounded so painfully happy when you said you’d go.

That’s why you should have said no: Taehyung doesn’t deserve this. He’s a good person and he will certainly get hurt when you tell him you’re not interested. Who cares about Jungkook? That fucker can go on a date by himself, he’s not a kid anymore.

But…

There’s something very tiny and mean inside of you called jealousy that didn’t let you simply text an honest apology to Taehyung.

And now it’s too late, because he’s standing at your door.

Handsome as always, Taehyung wears casual clothes: it’s almost as if he didn’t put much thought on it, but he still looks drop dead gorgeous on his black baggy pants, white shirt and black beret (no other man in this planet can manage to not look stupid in a beret other than Taehyung). As usual, your brain malfunctions as it tries to process his beauty.

He has a small, beautiful smile on his lips.

Shit.

“You look beautiful,” he says, and he sounds like he means it. You did put some effort on your clothes, makeup and hair after all. Being complimented by him feels nice.

Shit.

“Thanks. You too, but that’s just your usual self,” you say thoughtlessly and instant regret slaps your face again. Yes, bitch. Flirt with him. Make things more difficult.

Taehyung looks shy for a moment. The sight is endearing.

S. H. I. T.

“You’re just being nice to me.” He tilts his head. “So, let’s go?" 

It’s too late to go back now, so you have no choice but to take his arm and show your most plastic smile. "Yeah.”

You’re definitely a walking disaster.

You two arrive in the park first and, instead of just showing your tickets and getting in, you’re forced to wait for the bastard and his hot date.

An amusement park of all places.

Not that you hate amusement parks, it’s pretty much the opposite. It’s just that everything feels so wrong. Especially how Taehyung is making a lot of effort to keep the conversation alive while you wait. It’s not hard to talk to him, though, because he’s an interesting person, but seeing his efforts hurts.

What hurts more is the sight of Jungkook and Joy arriving with locked arms.

You hope Taehyung didn’t notice you holding your breath.

Joy looks hot as always, but you don’t even look at her (yes, it’s not nice to be mad at someone that didn’t do anything wrong), eyes glued on Jungkook instead. Just like Taehyung, it seems that he didn’t put much thought on his clothes, only their styles are completely different: Jungkook wears an oversized grey t-shirt, black pants and sneakers. It might seem simple, but he can manage to look good in anything. Joy surely didn’t mind his choice of clothes.

You lock gazes for one second and proceed to avoid it.

The four of you greet. It’s hard to act natural, but you try to; you don’t want the two others to notice the weird tension between you and the black-haired bastard. Joy looks happy, too.

…

Shit.

Soon, you get into the amusement park. As expected, it’s crowded with kids, families and couples. The weather feels nice this afternoon.

“It’s been a long time since I don’t come to an amusement park,” you confess. 

“Really? Then this was a good choice. I was worried if it’d be too cheesy…” he also confesses sheepishly.

“It’s not!” You reassure him. Joy agrees with you. Jungkook keeps silent. “I just have some traumatizing memories about amusement parks.”

Taehyung quirks one eyebrow. “What?”

You sigh.

You and Jungkook end up saying in unison:

“5th grade.”

You look at each other and avoid your gazes again.

“What? What happened on 5th grade?” Joy asks excitedly.

“Our school came to an amusement park that year,” Jungkook explains.

“Why was it traumatizing?” Taehyung still seems confused.

“Because… well…” you hesitate to say.

“Because she was so short back then that they didn’t let her go on the rollercoasters. And she cried the whole trip,” Jungkook suddenly says.

You glare at him.

He has a playful smirk on his lips.

“Oh, so what about you?” You can’t help but smile, too.

“What happened to him?” Joy asks.

“He laughed at me because I couldn’t ride, but he puked his lunch after he went on the coaster and spent half of the trip in the infirmary,” you reveal. 

“You’re still bitter that you stayed with me in the infirmary?” He inquires.

“Of course I am! Also, you puked on my shoes!”

“I already apologized. Besides, I paid you banana milk for two entire weeks. Isn’t it enough?”

“It isn’t!”

“Are you saying that banana milk isn’t enough?!” He gasps. “You psycho.”

You both giggle.

Again, for one moment, it feels that everything is back to normal. You feel comfortable having these old memories, as if you never stopped being best friends, as if you have the intimacy to play like this again.

But it’s only for one moment.

You avoid gazes. It feels so out of place. 

At least the sadness in Jungkook’s eyes shows that he feels the same about this all.

Before the tension between you two can become too strong, you change the topic and engage both Taehyung and Joy in the conversation - during that moment, you two forgot about them. As wrong as it is, Taehyung is your date for the night. He’s the one you should pay attention to.

So you try to completely ignore Jungkook’s existence for a while.

You only look at Taehyung and don’t even touch your phone. You answer his questions and ask things about him. It doesn’t feel like a punishment, though, because he is an interesting person and you genuinely enjoy his company.

But you can’t help but look at Jungkook from time to time.

You can’t help but notice his smiley-eyes as he looks at her.  You can’t help but see their closure.

You can’t help but feel your heart clenching.

And then, you see yourself locking your arm with Taehyung’s.

“What’s that?” You say excitedly. “I wanna see it!”

You drag Taehyung away from the other couple until they disappear in the crowd. Only then you remember how to breathe again.

Considering all the odds, this going better than you expected.

You tried your best to completely erase Jungkook’s and Joy’s existence from your mind, and at some point it finally worked. Taehyung is a funny guy to be around. There’s something very particular and endearing about his personality that captivates you; he’s obviously trying to impress you, but he’s still being very honest. He has some type of innocence that makes you realize that this guy is seriously one of a kind. You can’t think of a single sign that he might be a bad person.

You’re genuinely enjoy this.

But not in the way Taehyung expects you to be enjoying it. 

As wrong as it is, you unconsciously end up comparing him to Jungkook. 

If Jungkook was your date, the first thing you’d both want to do is try all the rollercoasters and the wildest rides in this park. But Taehyung is scared of heights. You didn’t want to make the boy vomit his own stomach, so you ended up avoiding it - even though you really wanted to go on that orange coaster that looks high as fuck.

Taehyung didn’t really get your jokes. The fact that he still laughed politely is cute, but still - Jungkook and you have the same sense of humor. You two like the same stupid type of meme. It felt strange when you had to explain more than once a certain joke so Taehyung could understand. 

Taehyung didn’t know your favorite ice cream flavor or your favorite soda. He doesn’t know the kind of movie you like, nor your favorite series, nor your favorite singers. You know you’re being stupid - the whole point of going on a date is to get to know each other, but every now and then you end up remembering how Jungkook knows every dumb detail about you…

What makes you realize that, as much as Taehyung is an amazing guy, you are too different from each other. 

What also makes you realize that, maybe… you don’t really want to get to know anyone else.

And suddenly, an image starts to build in your mind - an image you try very hard to erase, but it’s already too strong to be forgotten.

Instead of Taehyung, you arm is locked with Jungkook’s. You’re both laughing and having fun, just like things used to be. Only now you’re not just friends. 

It’s the first time in all these years that you see yourself dating Jungkook clearly. Painfully clearly.

The cotton candy you’re eating suddenly tastes like iron on your tongue. You feel your throat tightening. All of this became painful. The fact that you’re trying so hard to forget Jungkook for a few minutes, yet he’s everything you can think of. The fact that he’s in the same park as you having a date with another girl - said girl that is a friend, by the way, someone you encouraged to be with Jungkook, and now you’re hating her existence even though she did nothing wrong, all because of jealousy. There’s also the fact that Jungkook is much obviously avoiding you.

And the most painful fact of all-

“Are you okay, YN?” Taehyung asks, the smile vanishing from his lips the moment he sees your expression. 

The fact that this incredible person likes you much more than you expected. It’s obvious now that you look at his eyes. He really likes you - a funny, smart and special guy, someone that didn’t check his phone not even once ever since this date started, someone that has been trying his hardest to make sure you’re having fun, a guy that is usually very confident, but at the moment looks very uneasy around you.

He’s the perfect guy. He wasn’t disrespectful, wasn’t trying to get into your pants, treated you very well. You went on dates that were far worse than this. There was nothing wrong with him. You’re also sure he’d be a loving and caring boyfriend.

But all you can think of is Jungkook. 

And even though you knew this date wouldn’t work, you still accepted to come anyway. You kept Taehyung’s hopes high. Just because you were jealous.

You’re definitely the worst person on this planet.

But this has to end before Taehyung gets more hurt.

“I’m not feeling very well,” you hear yourself saying. Worry covers Taehyung’s features. “What’s the problem? Was it something you ate? Do you want to go to the infirmary?”

Damn. It hurts to see him like this.

“No. Can you… can you just take me home, please?” You ask sheepishly. 

If Taehyung feels disappointed, he doesn’t let you see; he just nods instead. “Okay. Let’s go.”

And this is how you managed to destroy a perfectly fine night.

You still try not to think of Jungkook and Joy on your way back home; you don’t want to know if they’re still in the park or if they went somewhere else. The idea of what they must be doing makes your stomach twirl in a bad way. It feels like a weight installed itself on your shoulders. Everything seems too oppressive and suffocating. You can’t wait to be alone and peaceful to process all of these feelings. Fortunately, Seulgi isn’t home - she went to sleep at a friend’s house to finish a project. 

For the first time, being with Taehyung feels awkward as you walk to the front door of your apartment. You can see he isn’t exactly glad. It makes everything worse.

You stop in front of the door and you turn around to face him. Everything you have to say must be said now.

“I’m so sorry, Taehyung.” You say in an embarrassed tone, scratching the back of your neck. “I ruined everything.”

“What? No!” He’s quick to reassure. God, his eyes are beautiful… “It’s not your fault. People feel ill, that’s normal.”

You gulp. Oh Gosh. He believed what you said. This is getting worse and worse… “I had a lot of fun today. Really.” You sigh and tilt your head tiredly. “Honestly, it was the most fun I had in a long time…”

“I had a lot of fun, too.” His smile is able to melt any frozen heart. “I noticed that you had a lot in mind, so I’m glad I was able to distract you at least a little.”

It gets you off guard. 

He’s way more observant than you expected.

“You noticed…?” You gulp, even more embarrassed. He nods. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine. Everyone has a bad day every now and then. I just have to admit that I’m kind of worried about you.”

You stare at each other in silence for a while.

“Are you?” Why suddenly all you can do is make stupid questions?

Taehyung tilts his head. “Yes. You’re always such a bright person. Seeing you being quiet these days makes me sad.” First of all: did people start to realize that there’s something wrong with you? Are you acting this weird?

Second of all: that was adorable. He’s so honest about his feelings.

“To be honest, Taehyung… I’m not really a bright person,” you end up confessing in a quiet, weak voice. You don’t know why you’re saying this. You were supposed to push him away, not pull him closer. “I think I’m just used to pretend I am.”

“You don’t have to,” your eyes widen when you feel his fingertips brushing on your cheek as he gently tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. To suppress this type of feeling… it hurts. Believe me, I know.” For a moment, you feel your breath hitch. The skin where  his fingers touched feels warm. He’s mesmerizing. His voice sounds like a sweet melody on your ears: deep, silky. “So, if you ever feel like opening up… I’m here, okay?” He widens his eyes for a second. “I-I mean- you can open up to Seulgi or Jungkook or Jimin, sure… anyone.”

This moment of shyness coming from him makes you giggle. “I don’t feel like opening up to anyone right now,” especially not to you, you think. “but thank you, Tae. It… it makes me really happy. I’m glad I went on this date with you.”

You shouldn’t have said that.

You shouldn’t have called him Tae.

Even though you’re saying the truth and there’s no second intentions hidden, Taehyung hears something else. 

His hand is still resting on your cheek.

And he says nothing.

He just… stares right into your eyes.

You can’t move.

You clearly see when his face starts coming closer and closer to yours, slowly but surely. You see his heavy-lidded eyes, his clouded gaze, his parted lips. You feel the thick tension in the air around you - the electricity. 

That’s when you should have pushed him away.

But you can’t.

Instead, you unconsciously close your eyes. You feel his lips ghosting over yours for a second - until his lips finally touch yours.

The kiss is suave - gentle and delicate. He doesn’t move his lips at first, merely pressing his against yours. Your body warms up in a way you haven’t felt in a long time; not because of arousal. It’s the pure excitement of being kissed.

Maybe that’s why you let him kiss you. You had forgotten how it feels like to be touched without any sexual intention. Kisses are too intimate, so you and Jungkook didn’t really kiss that often - and when you did kiss, it was always heated and obscene, tongues entangling wildly until both of you could barely breathe. It’s been a long time since someone kissed and held you like this: with gentleness and care. Taehyung isn’t treating you like a sex toy.

You melt.

Your lips part as he deepens the kiss; he is undemanding, careful and delicate. His lips taste like lip balm. No one is fighting for control, no one is desperate. It’s slow and synchronized. It’s sweet and innocent. Most importantly - it’s way different than you ever expected it to be. You never thought he’d kiss like this.

When Taehyung pulls away, the purest smile adorns his features.

“I’m sorry.” He says quietly, but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. “I should have asked permission.”

“It’s okay.” And it really is. You shouldn’t, but you liked it. 

“I'll… I’ll get going.” He says, the smile never disappearing. His eyes are also smiling. He stands there awkwardly in an adorable manner. “Can I text you later?”

“Sure.” You nod. “Good night. And thank you again.”

Taehyung grins. “Good night.”

Before leaving, he presses his lips on yours quickly one last time. 

You watch until he disappears inside the elevator, entering the apartment and standing there alone in the dark for a few seconds.

Then you unceremoniously slam your forehead against the wooden door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You hiss between gritted teeth. “What have you done?!”

You were supposed to push him away. You should have told him the truth - that you don’t have feelings for him, that you’re confused and almost certainly in love with another guy. Instead, you just stood there and let him kiss you. You not only kept his hopes high, you increased them.

How will you get yourself out of this situation now?!

You throw yourself on the couch, grab a cushion and scream into it. I’m the worst of the worst. I’m a walking catastrophe. 

For a long time, you just lay there and torture yourself with bad thoughts. Taehyung is the nicest guy you’ve met in a really long time. If you gave him the opportunity months ago, you’re sure you’d be dating right now - and the idea isn’t even unpleasant. He’s hot and smart and funny and sweet. It’s even hard to believe that someone like him is interested in you.

But…

No. Don’t think about him.

You want to punch yourself and scream and eat tons of ice cream and cry - all at once. You’re the queen of taking bad decisions. You’re the heart crusher and friendship destroyer-

There’s someone knocking on the front door.

You sit up in a jump and frown. Is it Seulgi? Did she forget her keys?

You walk slowly around the living room, defeated as if you’ve just came home from war, your hair a mess and shoulders shrinking. You turn the doorknob and open it-

And gasp.

Because standing at your front door is the person you least expected to see.

Jungkook is casually leaning on the door frame as if his presence didn’t make you burst a lung. He looks down, eyes avoiding yours; although the hallway is considerably dark, you can see his expression well. You know him too well. You see sadness and guilt and fear in his eyes.

Your heart beats so fast that you’re afraid it’ll stop suddenly. Nervousness crawls over your skin and makes your stomach feel cold.

“J-Jungkook? What are you doing here?” You’re brave enough to stutter. You completely forgot that Jungkook used to come over so often that you gave him full permission to enter and leave the building whenever he wanted.

He doesn’t say anything.

Instead, he lifts his left hand and shows you what he’s carrying: a plastic bag full with a pack of…

Banana milk.

“I think we really need to talk.” He says quietly, his eyes meeting yours for the first time.

You inhale sharply.

He’s right. You need to talk.

The cold night breeze makes you tighten your coat around your body. Yours and Jungkook’s hairs sway softly with the wind. You can hear the sounds of the city from up here, in the empty terrace - cars, sirens, voices. A glowing map of endless streets and buildings extends itself in front of your eyes.

You’re both leaning on the railing side by side. You’re hyper aware of the distance between you - both physical and… spiritual. You’ve been standing here in silence for quite some time now, quietly drinking the banana milk he brought, and none of you were able to engage a conversation. The tension is heavy. It overwhelms your whole being. Nervousness makes your nerves tense. You can’t even look at him.

Dozens of questions float around your mind; what is he doing here? Why did he decide to come in the first place? What happened to his date? It’s still very early, he could have stayed with her much longer…

You also can’t help but feel helplessly excited that he is here. With you. Not with Joy. He took the initiative to meet you. 

You can’t lose this opportunity.

“It’s kinda cold.” Is the first thing you say. It doesn’t even sound like you.

“Yeah.” He agrees, and he also doesn’t sound like him.

The awkwardness is almost solid right now. Things used to be so different… you can’t remember one moment in the past when such an uncomfortable feeling lingered between you. 

“Hm…” you cough. “What, hm… what about you and Joy?”

Why the fuck are you asking this?, you yell at yourself.

Jungkook looks down and shakes his head. “Let’s not talk about Joy or Taehyung right now, okay?”

You shrug. “I’m just trying to start a conversation.”

“That’s not how you do it.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to do it anymore.”

Jungkook goes silent with this, the quick aggressiveness disappearing as soon as it came. He gulps and looks down at the banana milk between his fingers again. 

More silence.

“Can I… can I ask you something?” Jungkook says after a long while. His voice is quiet, hesitant, almost being carried away with the wind.

“What?” You feel your body heating up in anticipation. 

He finally looks up to you, and in the moment your eyes meet, you have this weird feeling that everything except him looks blurred.

“Why did you start dating Mike?” He asks. “I warned you about him. I mean, you used to listen to me in the past.”

Oh.

Certainly not the type of question you were expecting.

What a mood killer, Jungkook.

You avoid his gaze again, trying to hide your disappointment. “Why are you asking me this now?”

“I just really want to know.” He takes one more sip of the banana milk.

A sigh escapes through your lips and you stare at the shiny city ahead. You didn’t think you’d have to bring up memories of Mike. It’s been a long time, but it still hurts to remember him.

“I… I just…” you start, trying to organize your thoughts. “You know that Mike had like a… bad relationship with his parents, right?” Jungkook nods. “Mike opened up about this to me. I saw how much it hurt him. He was lonely, broken. And I…” this is being way harder than you expected. You shrug, shake your head. “I don’t know. I was just being my stupid self. I thought I could… I wanted to fix him. I realized that I have this heroine complex, you know?” You side eye him sheepishly. “But there are a lot of things I can’t fix… I’m better at breaking things, not fixing them.”

“Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help people.” The confidence in which Jungkook says this makes, yet again, an odd sensation set in your stomach. 

It is probably the first time Jungkook managed to make you blush in your entire life.

A little more silence.

“Did you actually like him?” You can barely hear his voice.

You have no idea why he’s making this questions. Why is he bringing up Mike after so long?

“Well… yes.” You can’t lie right now. “I did.” You make sure to reinforce the did. It’s in the past.

Jungkook nods and says nothing. He takes another banana milk from the plastic bag and opens it.

You inhale, building up your courage to ask something you’ve been wanting to know for a long time. He touched this subject anyway.

“You asked me something, now it’s my turn to ask you something.” Jungkook nods. You have the feeling that he already knows what’s coming. “Why did you break up with Yeri?”

“She broke up with me.”

Oh.

“Why?” You repeat. You can see that Jungkook gets clearly uncomfortable, but you’re not letting him go without an answer - and he already knows how stubborn you can be, too. He shifts, tilts his head, exhales heavily.

“It just didn’t work out.”

“But you liked her. And she liked you, too.” It was pretty obvious to anyone that saw them together. 

Jungkook takes a long while to speak again. “I did like her. A lot.” The way his voice sounds fragile surprises you. Seeing him like this is very rare. Jungkook isn’t one to get all emotional too often. It seems that confessing this to you is important to him, somehow.

It also scares you a tiny bit. What if Jungkook still likes her, just like you suspected in the past?

“I didn’t want things to end the way they did.” He continues. His eyes are far away, watching old memories. His shoulders seem tense. He fiddles with the small banana milk bottle between his fingers. “But… some things aren’t meant to be, it doesn’t matter how much you want them to.”

This answer sounds… way too vague. Not what you want to hear. You know there’s more behind their break up, but just by looking at Jungkook you see that he isn’t telling you anything else. Well, this is the most he ever said about his past relationship in almost one year. It’s better than nothing.

And back to silence.

You want to push this awkwardness away. But how? You don’t feel as close to Jungkook as you always were. It’s not as if you could simply say anything in this moment… especially because, somehow, you feel that Jungkook expects you to do something, even though he came all the way to your apartment just to talk.

Say something, goddamnit!

“I’m sorry.” you blurt out.

Jungkook looks at you, but you’re not strong enough to look back at him. You hold the tiny bottle so tightly that it might get smashed at any moment; that’s just how nervous you are.

“Sorry for what?” he asks quietly. You hear the expectation in his voice… almost as if he’s holding his breath.

You can’t help but gulp. I’m not good with this type of thing. 

“For everything.” you hate the way your voice sounds so damn fragile. Being sincere like this is somehow… painful. But that’s what Jungkook expects of you: sincerity. So you keep talking, although you don’t know the right words to express yourself. “I… I don’t know why things got like this between us…” you almost gasp. “I mean, I know why. We know why. And I feel very responsible.”

“You have this habit of taking the blame to yourself, isn’t it?” He murmurs. Jungkook shakes his head softly and passes his hand on his hair.

“But I was the one to propose it in the first place.”

“And I agreed.”

“Okay, but…” you have to stop for a moment to recover your breath. “I don’t know, I just feel sorry. I didn’t think of anyone except me all along. I’ve been an awful person to you… and awful friend. Also…” you need to stop again. Why is it so hard to speak? It feels as if there’s something obstructing your throat; the words hardly come out. “What I did that day at Joy’s house… it was wrong. I’m sorry that I made you upset that day.”

Jungkook sighs heavily. You’re still scared to look at him. 

“I’m sorry about that day, too. I was rude to you.” Is he apologizing for calling you a slut while you had sex in the bathroom? Well, you definitely didn’t care about that. “I feel sorry too, Y/N. The way we drifted apart from each other…” he gesticulates with his finger between you and him. “The fault is on us both. I already told you, you shouldn’t take all the responsibility to yourself. We were both stupid.”

“Very stupid.” you both chuckle. You feel your heart lightening up for a moment; that strong tension still hovers around you, but now it feels like a different type of tension. Seeing that tiny smile in Jungkook’s lips makes your heart race. 

You finally look at each other.

The shadows of the night paint Jungkook’s face. His hair sways with the wind softly. His dark eyes shine as much as diamonds. You never really understood the expression “to get lost in someone’s eyes…” 

Well… now you do.

The small moment you two share feels fragile… featherlight. You’re scared that if you say or do something wrong, it’ll break and disappear. You’re scared to break him. To break yourself. This makes you remember that, ever since you were kids, Jungkook has always been the most fragile of you two. He has always been the most sensitive, the one to get hurt easily. Jimin was right all along. How could you do this to him? Why did you let this happen between you two? 

“I missed you.” your voice is barely a whisper. Admitting this makes you feel exposed and relieved at the same time. Your throat feels even tighter.

“I missed you, too.” he confesses. 

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

You smile at each other.

That’s the moment you almost confess something more… your confused feelings for him. You feel the urge to say that you don’t see him as just a friend anymore; that you don’t want to be just a friend anymore.

But something holds you back.

This is maybe the moment when you’re finally being able to reconcile. You don’t know if Jungkook feels the same about you; you don’t want to push him away by throwing your feelings over him. This might destroy you friendship forever.

Then, you decide to keep it all to yourself. At least for now.

“So,” Jungkook says, sighing. “What about that group project?”

You quirk one eyebrow up. “I’m pretty sure you know about the group project.”

Jungkook giggles. “Jimin has been annoying you, too?” you nod. He shakes his head. “He’s a little shit, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He had good intentions, at least.” You shrug. 

“He could be a little more subtle, though.” You can’t help but agree. “Congratulations for getting the highest grade.”

“Thank you. Jimin also told me that you’ve been talking to some important people…”

Jungkook smiles beautifully with this. “Yes. It’s a director. He said that he likes my work and that I have talent. I think he’ll invite me to work with him as a trainee for a while.” Your eyes widen in a surprised expression.

“Really?! That’s great, Kook!” It feels so nice to call him Kook again after so long. Slowly, you feel that unbearable tension vanishing and all that’s left is you and him. Two people that know each other better than you know yourselves for most of your lives. In a matter of seconds, the distance that put you apart for months seems to disappear. 

Suddenly, you feel a cold drizzle start falling over your heads. Jungkook frowns. “I think we should get down there.”

“Yes.” Before you can think better, you blurt out: “You can sleep here if you want.” Perhaps you shouldn’t have said that, because Jungkook’s frown deepens as he stares at you with suspicion. A shiver of fear runs down your spine. “Hey, that’s not what I mean.” You’re quick to say, waving your hands. “Before this sex thing started there was just us, remember? I… I miss us.”

Jungkook thinks for some moments, his eyes never leaving yours. 

Then, a tiny smile makes its way to his lips - and you’re happy to see that the smile reaches his eyes, too. “Okay.”

“Wait- so Irene and Jennie made up?” Jungkook asks from the kitchen, surprised.

“That’s what it looks like. I mean, they did post some photos together on Instagram.” you say while adjusting the pillows and blankets on the mattress you placed in the living room. Yours’ and Seulgi’s friends come to sleep over a lot, so you’re used to do it - you even bought some spare sheets and blankets for this occasion. 

“But you can’t be sure that they are together just because of some photos.”

“Yeah, but you know Seulgi. She jumped to conclusions. Being honest, they don’t look like a couple in these photos… but I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will change her mind at this point. I tried everything.”

“I don’t really think that they’ll make up this time.” Jungkook admits. You walk over to the kitchen and lean on the counter, opposite to him.

“I feel bad for her. Seulgi still loves Irene and she can’t get over it. I think it’s the first time she spends the night out in a long while… and it isn’t even to have fun. I’m worried.”

He pouts and shrugs, eyes focused in building up his sandwich. “Maybe we should just let her figure things out by herself.”

“But she’s doing nothing.”

Jungkook stops adding ketchup just to stare at you and quirk his eyebrows. “Y/N. I think I already said that you should stop trying to be a cupid, like… a million times.”

“I didn’t say I’d do something!” You do your best to sound offended. 

“I know you, woman. I’ve seen this face many times. You look like an evil gremlin.” 

“I don’t!” you cross your arms. You forgot how annoying it is that Jungkook knows you so well, because you did think of doing something to help her. You’re so tired of seeing you friend being sad all the time. All she does these days is watch Netflix and complain. She already started to look like a zombie at this point. No one can blame you for being concerned. “Besides, gremlins are cute.”

“You’re the only person on this planet that thinks this.” He shakes his head slightly, his hair waving in the process.

“Why did you let your hair grow so much?” You ask, resting your chin over your palm. 

“Because I look good with long hair.” Jungkook shrugs, a smug smirk on his face. 

“You cocky little shit.”

“Am I wrong for telling the truth?” He looks up at you again, playful. You can’t even tell he’s wrong: that long hair really matches his looks and personality. 

“Hey, are you still helping Namjoon and Yoongi?” you ask when Jungkook starts to make a fourth sandwich. Yes, you guys do eat a lot.

“Yeah. I haven’t been to the studio in a few days, but they still call me whenever they need me.” Jungkook presses his lips together and shifts a little: nervousness. “I… I kind of helped them write a song.”

“Really? But you said you were just ‘lending’ them your voice to record demos.” 

“Yeah, but I felt kind of inspired. It was just for fun, though.” He shifts his eyes to you then back to the sandwich very rapidly. “Maybe I’ll let you listen to it any other day.”

“Aw, come on! I’ve been wanting to listen to your songs for so long!” you whine.

“I said maybe. When the right time comes.”

You don’t really get what he means with it.

For a while, you just sit there and watch Jungkook. He looks so carefree and relaxed; he moves around the kitchen as if it’s his own house. He knows where everything is in the cabinets. In a way, this really is his second house considering how often he comes… even when he used to come just to fuck during these past months. It feels so nice to see him not being all tensed up and uncomfortable around you anymore. He even starts to sing quietly, his voice as sweet and smooth as cotton candy filling up the entire house.  You’re one of the few people that Jungkook feels confident enough to sing around. It’s almost a privilege.

You have been staring at him unceremoniously for so long that Jungkook frowns and looks back at you, frowning. “What?”

“Nothing.” You shake your head. “It’s just that… Namjoon is right. You could’ve been famous with this voice.” Jungkook smiles shyly. “And this face.” He turns around to open the fridge. “And this ass.”

He frowns. “Seriously?”

“What? I’m being honest. And don’t act like you don’t stare at my ass all the time.”

Jungkook chuckles and shakes his head in that way that means I can’t stand you.

“Done.” He claps his hands together. Four giant sandwiches, coke, popcorn and m&ms (let’s say that you and Seulgi don’t have exactly the healthier type of food at home). 

“Okay. I’ll take these, get changed first if you want,” you say while taking the plates to the living room. Of course there would be some of his clothes at your place.

When Jungkook sees the clothes you chose, he stares at you with an outraged expression. “My grey hoodie!”

“…yes.”

“You said you didn’t know where it was!”

You stop and click your tongue. “…funny how I found it at the bottom of my drawer tonight, huh?”

He knows you’re lying. But you won’t tell him that slept wearing his hoodie some nights because it smelled like him. He doesn’t need to know this.

“Hoodie thief.” He says and taps your head jokingly, making his way to the bathroom. You’re wearing sleeping clothes as well - and you made sure to choose your ugliest and largest ones. You don’t want Jungkook to think you asked him to sleep here just to end up having sex. 

He comes back and throws himself on the mattress by your side. You’re very aware of the immense space between you; another person could fit in here. “What are we going to watch?”

“I think I’ve watched the entire Netflix catalogue at this point because of Seulgi.” you admit, shoving popcorn inside your mouth. Jungkook takes your phone and scrolls down the Netflix page. 

“There’s always something more to watch.”

You end up arguing about what movie to watch. Actually, you spend more time arguing and scrolling down through the Netflix endless catalogue than watching something. 

You don’t touch each other not even once. The physical distance almost feels like a living being.

You end up giving up on Netflix and watching Avengers Endgame for the hundredth time anyway.

And yes - Jungkook cries at the ending of the film.

You wake up with the sunlight touching your face.

It’s awful. You close your eyes tightly and yawn, a little bit confused at first. What am I doing in the living room? You search for your phone to check the hour: it’s seven in the morning. Shit. Whenever you can sleep until late hours, you end up waking up early…

You turn your head to the side and freeze.

It’s Jungkook.

Now you remember everything. The TV is still on, which means both of you fell asleep while watching it. The empty plates and glasses are placed over the coffee table. 

You never slept together before.

There was only one time when it happened - the first and only, when you two got wasted and the whole story started. Other than that, you never slept together. First, because you had more interesting things to do other than sleep. Second, because sleeping together feels way too intimate. It didn’t matter how tired you were after fucking, when you finished cleaning up, you’d both put your clothes back on and walk back to your respective homes. You vehemently avoided doing anything that might feel too intimate - kissing, sleeping together… after a while, you even avoided looking at each other right in the eye while having sex. 

You’re not touching; there is still a great space between your bodies. Yet… just the thought that you slept with Jungkook makes your heart race.

You don’t move a single centimeter. You just lay there and… look at him.

His long hair is a mess. His face is adorably puffy, lips slightly parted. He looks peaceful. The way his chest moves up and down as he breathes is hypnotizing. 

He’s seriously so beautiful.

But now, you don’t think of it in a sexual way. Back then, you’d always admire how hot Jungkook is, his godlike physique, how lucky you were to be having sex with a guy like him… not now. You just feel mesmerized by his features. The long eyelashes touching his cheeks. The tiny moles on his face and neck. Some old acne scars. 

It’s odd, but right now, you realize just how much you’ve been missing him. It doesn’t make sense - Jungkook is right here, barely an arm apart from you. You made up last night and it seems that everything is back to normal. Still, you desperately miss him. 

Your chest fills up with something strange and unknown. It’s sweet and painful. It makes your heart feel tight, your nerves feel like burning and your eyes well up with tears. 

This is the face of the person that has been with you during most of your life. 

He’s a part of you.

The most important part of you.

In this moment, your feelings for him are so great that it seems that they can’t even fit inside of you anymore.

You watch him sleep for a long time, too scared to move and wake him up. But eventually, he sighs heavily and moves his head, indicating he’s about to wake up.

His eyes finally open and he yawns.

“Good morning.” He says when his eyes focus on you, smiling softly. Jungkook’s voice sounds deep and raspy. He stretches his arms over his head. “I mean… if it’s still morning.”

“It is,” you say softly.

He stares at the ceiling with heavy-lidded eyes. “I dreamed that babies came from eggs. Like ostrich eggs.” He chuckles. “And women gave birth to the eggs like chickens.”

You don’t say anything and just keep watching him instead.

Jungkook finally turns his head at you and frowns, still smiling softly. “What?”

“Nothing.” You say so quietly that he can barely hear.

He gazes back at you.

Slowly, the smile on his lips disappears.

You feel the tension building up around you - but this time it feels different. It’s not a bad tension like what you experienced last night at the terrace, nor is it dense like when you two were aroused and desperate to find a place and please yourselves. This time, it feels delicate but heavy nevertheless. It makes your blood boil and your heart race.

Jungkook’s eyes are serious, heavy and intense over you. All the playfulness is gone. None of you say a word. You don’t even know if you have the power to move considering how heavy the tension is.

He extends his arm and his fingertips touch your cheek. Your skin feels burning hot. Delicately, he puts a strand of hair behind your ear. It’s strange how he’s doing the exact same thing Taehyung did, but with Jungkook, this simple touch made you feel like exploding right there. 

Jungkook is the one to come closer. Closer and closer and closer. Your breathing is heavy. He caresses your cheek his his thumb. Soon, his face is right in front of yours - noses touching, eyes locked and burning with something you can’t quite name.

You stare at each other like this for a moment until his gaze finally drops to your mouth.

You both lean in for the kiss at the same time.

You have already tasted these lips multiple times before - but now, it’s different. The kiss is slow; you move your lips unhurriedly and sweetly. Yet, this kiss feels much more intense than any other you have shared before. None of those times when you kissed him desperately with luxury being the only thing on your mind comes even close to the intensity of this kiss.

It almost feels that this is the actual first time you kiss Jungkook.

Your breathing gets even heavier as the kiss deepens. His hand rests on your waist, while yours hold his neck. The sloppy sounds of your lips and tongues moving together are the only audible thing in the apartment. Your whole being screams in excitement and anticipation when Jungkook moves his body to hover over yours, not even once breaking the kiss. Your right hand grabs his smooth hair while the other travels up and down his back; your body is getting burning hot. Jungkook moans very softly. You start to feel the familiar wetness on your panties.

Jungkook leans away for a moment; his lips are red and swollen, his hair is even messier now, his dark eyes are clouded with want and something you can’t name - something so strong that he’s able to make you shiver with that look alone. He leans down again and starts to kiss and suck your neck very slowly, making soft moans escape through your lips. His hand sneaks under your baggy shirt and he squeezes your breast. Soon, his lips are on yours again and the kiss becomes much deeper. You can already feel sweat forming on your forehead. Jungkook starts to grind on you; you can clearly feel his clothed erection rub against your own core, what makes more and more strangled moans come from both of you.

This is the hottest make out session of your life. The entire atmosphere is not what you’re used to; it’s not playful, none of you say a word. No teasing, no dirty talk. All you do is try to touch each other the best you can, never once breaking the kiss. It’s as if, with this kiss, you’re having a conversation… you’re telling each other everything you’re not brave enough to say out loud.

Soon, the desperation becomes too big. There’s no time to play, you just want to have him inside of you and feel his warm skin against yours. Unceremoniously, you start to undress yourselves, kissing every spot you can find in the process - neck, chest, stomach. Your clothes are thrown around the living room. You lay on your back again and Jungkook hovers above you once more, your legs entangling around his hips as he positions his hard member on your entrance.

You always avoided this position because it is too intimate; you’re forced to look at each other like this. This time, though, it doesn’t matter. You want to look at him - and the sight of his face contorting in pure pleasure, lips parted and eyes closed tightly as he eases himself inside of you, is almost as good as the feeling of being stretched after a long time.

Jungkook doesn’t move at first. He knows he’ll hurt you if he goes too hard right from the beginning. Instead, he waits until you call his name quietly in a strangled moan - the sign he needs to start thrusting. He rests his head on your shoulder and grabs the pillow under your head tightly as he picks up his pace, slow and steady, soft groans coming from the back of his throat that make you feel goosebumps. You hold his back with both hands. You can’t shut the moans anymore.

Sweat makes your skin slippery as he thrusts faster. Jungkook licks and bites your ear, moaning right into it, and it feels that this alone could make you cum. He then leans away for a moment, creating some space between your bodies to have a better angle to keep smashing himself into you - faster and faster, stronger and stronger. The usual sound of skin hitting skin, heavy breathing and moans is all you can hear. 

You said that you didn’t ask him to sleep here just to have sex - and you weren’t lying.

But this doesn’t feel like just sex.

This isn’t fucking.

The pleasure is getting unsustainable and you both feel it. You close your legs around him even tighter and pull his face with both hands, sealing your lips in another intense, desperate kiss. It’s sloppy and unsynchronized. It’s raw and rough and so full of emotions you can’t comprehend that you feel your eyes tearing up again.

What you’re experiencing right now isn’t just two people finding pleasure in each other. It isn’t simply carnal instinct. 

It is the deepest and most sincere way to connect with another being - without any words, through touches only.

You never felt anything like this in your life - not with Mike or any of your past boyfriends and hook ups. This is beyond lust. This is beyond sex.

Jungkook breaks the kiss apart for a second  to look at you. Your gazes lock. God, he’s beautiful. Not only his appearance, but everything about him is beautiful.

And it is right now - stating deep into his eyes - that you come to a conclusion.

Jungkook has always been a part of you. But, in this exact moment, it feels like more.

It feels that you two became one.

He leans down and kisses you again. Your lips are tightly sealed when you both come at the same time.

Your trembling fingers still hold the strands of his damp hair tightly. You caress his face softly, putting some hair away from his eyes. Jungkook kisses you again. And again, and again, and again, and again.

You’re glad when he rests his head on your shoulder again, because like this, he can’t see the tears trickling down your temples.

It’s still hard to understand what just happened. Honestly, you think you’ll never fully understand.

But one thing you do understand, one thing that became as clear as the morning sky, is that your feelings for Jungkook are deeper and stronger than you ever imagined. He’s so much more than a friend.

Yet, you don’t know if he sees you the same way.

You don’t know if he felt the same things you did or if this was just one more time having sex with you. You don’t know if he still has feelings for Yeri or if he’s developing any for Joy.

You know nothing - and this fact makes your heart hurt as if it is being stabbed…

Because Jungkook, the best and most important part of you, might never be truly yours.

[emerald-amidst-gold]

*kicks door in* Did I hear OTP asks?? Is it a chance to be nosy about the dragon and his wolf that I sniff in the air?? *dumps box full of questions on the floor*

Who has the most nightmares and how do they deal with them?

Thoughts on each other’s family?

Who has awful taste in music?

And

The most important question: Who can rap better?

💖

*jumps up from the couch and gasps* Nosy?! Oh, friend! You can be nosy all you want because you couldn't be nosy when faced with a wolf and a dragon who act like lovestuck fools?! >:D

Who as the most nightmares and how do they deal with them?

Eheh, I can safely say that both and Solas and Fane are pretty equal when it comes to the amount of nightmares that they each harbor. Fane's nightmares are just more...volatile due to how tangible they get. Solas, I believe, is so used to enduring his own that he's able to conceal just how unnerved they make him, but there would be moments where he'd split.

Fane usually deals with his nightmares by reaffirming solidity to his teetering mind. He searches for shapes (squares, circles, rectangles, triangles, etc.), and he'll rip open his balcony windows to literally gulp in as much frigid air as he can muster. He does the latter to try and stave of either a panic attack or a bout of retching. Sometimes it works, but most times, Fane can't stop his stomach from expelling what's inside. His nightmares do die down in intensity once he and Solas start to share quarters, but the first several weeks are...rough.

---

“Nightmares?”, Solas’ voice finally came in a murmur, tone laced with sleep even as stormy, moonlit orbs shone with awareness and gentle sympathy.

Fane grimaced a bit before nodding. “...Yeah.”, he said after a bit of hesitation, shifting his gaze away as the sight of more concern made him even more tired. Why couldn’t he get through one night without an interruption or seeing the sky reflect sorrow and guilt? “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

The command was brusque, mildly clipped and he cringed a bit as he heard his own tone echo. He needed to sleep, damn it! He knew he was being harsh, being childish, but he couldn’t take everything that was going on right now. In short terms, he was overwhelmed and for once, he didn’t know how to mitigate what was flowing through him! He never knew how to control this blighted form! He never knew anything beyond whining and--

More shifting of the covers had Fane’s ears twitching and sticking a wedge between his thoughts and the spiral they wished to delve into, but not turning his gaze back, keeping it glued out the frosty windows. Maybe the sight of ice and snow would help get his mind to shut. up. Not likely, but it was worth a shot at this point. Anything was worth a shot. Anything, anything, any--!

“Vhenan.” A gentle call, one used for moments like this and one that once again pulled his mind back from the edge, but Fane still kept his gaze turned, beginning to trace shapes along the stained glass of the upper windows. Maybe his ritual would work if he kept trying. He just had to keep trying. Try, try, try!

“Why are there always so many squares?”, Fane asked rhetorically and with a dry air, eyes slowly darting along jagged patterns and equally as jagged lines. “I should change the design. Maybe the Qunari one?” He sneered a bit. “...No. That one has more squares. I’m tired of squares.” The word for exhaustion made his eyelids feel dry and unfathomably heavy, but they still wouldn’t close. He really wished they would close. Why wouldn’t they close?! Why wouldn’t his mind be sil--!

“Fane.” Another call, this one more firm, but still just as well meaning as a warm hand came up to touch his cheek, beckoning him to look back at the sky. “Look at me, ma’isenatha.” A light stroke of fingers against his jawline made Fane shiver, even as his body rose in temperature.

“No.”, Fane said, even as he subconsciously leaned towards his beacon of comfort and warmth, the palm softly coming to cup his cheek. “Just go back to sleep, Solas.”, he practically begged, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

Solas was as stubborn as he was clever, and more prone to worry than Fane was in regards to the other. They often butted heads due to their collective protectiveness, each arguing that the other needed to be more concerned about themselves whether in battle or not, but grudges were never held once they explained the situation or what made them panic so severely. Knowing that, Fane wanted to look to the sky, he did, but yet, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t bear to see more worry. Not right now. However, another warm sensation, not from a hand, against his cheek had him almost abandoning his squares. He was so, so childish…

“Ma’isenatha..”, Solas murmured against where he had placed a kiss upon his cheek, gentle concern making a normally smooth voice somehow smoother. “Talk to me.” A plea with a double meaning that had Fane sighing.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Solas.”, Fane muttered, gaze shifting downwards to the floor. “It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t puke, I didn’t tear from bed like a madman, but I can’t sleep. End of story.” The dismissal curt, but sufficient. For him, anyway.

---

This is a little snippet kind of showcasing how Fane deals with his nightmares when Solas is around. This is kind of early on, when they just start sharing quarters, so Fane is highly dismissive, but only because he doesn't want to keep worrying Solas about things that he thinks doesn't matter. *bonks the dragon on the head*

I think Solas would be very much the same way in terms of dismissing, but would be more likely to cave when faced with the fact that Fane understands. Cue crying!Solas because the world needs more of it! >:3 Fane would definitely offer Solas a sanctuary, opening his arms and silently waiting to see if the mage would take it. If Solas does opt to seek shelter, then Fane wouldn't utter a word, knowing that he can't say anything that man hasn't said to himself. Really, all Fane does is reassure Soals that he isn't alone.

Thoughts on each other's family?

Sooo...does the Evanuris count as family for Solas? I like to kind of think they do in some capacity! As such, Fane fucking despises them! Especially Elgar'nan! :D

Elgar'nan: "So this is a mighty white dragon? How disappointing."

*Fane slams his massive tail upon the palace floors, shattering the marble and crystal with a hard expression*

Solas: "And now?"

Yeah, fuck that guy! :D Seriously though, Fane's feelings towards Elgar'nan are...justified. I mean, his feelings towards all of the Evanuris are justified, but Elgar'nan was the one that made Fane leave his sky. *smiles*

Solas and Mhairi start of a bit...rocky. Mhairi tries to reach out, tries to connect with him due to being highly intrigued by his knowledge of the Fade and the elves, but since Solas is...Solas, he does the whole, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you would wish to regale me with luminous tales of the elves. You are Dalish.' Solas actually tried that line on Fane and Fane just goes, '...Presumably. Who knows?'

But back to Mhairi and Solas! Mhairi and Solas eventually warm up to each other after Adamant, around the same time Fane and Solas become an item, and he begins to teach her how to control her magic a bit better. There's actually a mini short story I want to write that shows a huge development between Solas and Mhairi where he literally becomes another brother to her. Get caught by templars and having to think of clever ways to survive and use your magic without getting silenced would endow two mages to grow close. You get me? Especially when one becomes extremely terrified from the mere sight of the Templar insignia due to a traumatic incident where they were silenced. *smiles again*

Solas ends up caring for Mhairi very much, as much as Fane does actually. And obviously, Fane is extremely happy by that. Even if betrayal is in the future, it's nice to see his sky take every moment of joy that he can.

As for Fane's father... *laughs nervously* I'll just say this: a wolf's bite is worse than their bark. I'll let you envision that because fuck does Solas want to let the beast within take hold and tear until there's naught but bones left. It'll be the one time that the Dread Wolf comes out to hunt, to kill. And if I play the 'power couple' card? *sips teas delicately* Then I'll play it in earnest. >:3

Who has awful taste in music?

I think both Fane and Solas are fairly good about choosing music! They both lived during the time of Elvhenan, so gentle cadences and calming refrains would only make them both long for what they lost. Fane enjoys Maryden's songs, too! He'll stand up with Cole in the tavern and listen to them with the spirit, humming each note under his breath since he'd be a fool to try and sing.

Also, Fane can actually coax a melody or two from Leliana if she isn't too closed up. Solas ends up giving his dragon a tiny, tender smile when he comes waltzing down the stairs with a look and smirk that asks, "How'd you enjoy that show? Pretty good, hm?"

...They are such dorks. I'm awful. *cackles*

Who can rap better?

*stares at this question like the pikachu meme*

I...honestly don't know, to be honest! X'D Like if I had to really, really choose I would say Solas because the man already speaks in iambic pentameter, so he's got a flow going already! PFFFT! I know it's not anywhere close to the same thing, but it's all I can think of to justify why! X'D

Fane isn't...wordy enough for rapping. He would seriously short circuit at a request of such a thing and just go, 'No. The fuck?' He's 5,000 years old. He don't roll with the kids and their words. *cackles before coughing violently*

*neatly shuffles all your questions and places them back in the box with the answers* There you are, my dear friend! Thank you so much for stopping by the mailbox for the dragon and wolf! Do come again! >:D

[famouslastwordsinmexico]

Suggested for You

     You think to yourself, I shouldn’t have looked that up online.

     You’re now staring at a bunch of banner ads that frame your email inbox. Each one is attempting to entice you to purchase succulents from flower shops near and far, small and conglomerated. The bright, animated images boast to you about how their store’s succulents will set you on the path to self-care while reconnecting you with nature. You know these ads are suggested to you and tailored specifically for you based on your search history, but, really, you just wanted to know how to spell “succulent”.

     To be fair, you probably shouldn’t be looking up non-work related curiosities while actually at work, but it’s been a slow morning. And yet, right as you excuse yourself for the trivial indiscretion, you’re called into your manager’s office. You lock your computer and worriedly head over to where they wait for you. Upon entering the room you see that there is someone else here for this impromptu meeting. Or, rather, someone has video-called in, their face on your manager’s monitor, which has been turned to meet yours.

    “A representative from HR will be joining us remotely,” your manager informs you. They then sit on the front edge of their desk, not behind it, in a manner you suspect all managers unironically believe comes off as cool and relaxed.

    “Huh. Is something wrong?” You cautiously take your seat, looking between them and the digital HR rep.

    “Oh, no, not at all. It’s just a small request.” They fold their hands in front of them. “That presentation you’re working on for Friday; I wanted to ask if you would give it over to Robert.”

    “Robert? Why? I thought it was supposed to be my project.” You worked hard on that presentation, and even harder on that project. It was something that was going to get you noticed by the higher-ups, a first step towards bigger things.

    “It is. Or, it was. It…” They stop themselves, physically appear to reset, and adopt a concerned face. “We’re simply worried it might be putting too much stress on you.” They lean in. “How are you feeling? Is everything alright with you?”

    “Uh… I’m doing fine?” You’re progressively less certain about what’s happening.

    “You sure? You can be honest with us.” They lean back. “We’ve heard you’ve been depressed.”

    The shock of this gives you mental whiplash.

    “‘Depressed’?” you echo. “Why would you think that?”

    “Well,” they begin, affecting the concerned yet distant tone in which only senior managers are capable of speaking, “it’s come to our attention that you’ve been sharing some pretty troubling sentiments.”

    “I only really talk about work-related stuff with people, honestly.”

    “No, I’m referring to the stuff you share online.”

    Dumbfounded, you blink.

    “You see,” your manager explains, “we recently employed a service that keeps us up to date with our employees.” They seem mildly pleased with themself over their technological ability. They speak to you but look at the HR rep on screen. “Of course, it’s only because we care for the well-being of everyone here in the office. And their software told us that you’ve been feeling quite down lately. They even highlighted some examples; is it not true that you recently posted about how nothing really matters?”

    You don’t recall using those words for anything. As you confusedly shrug, they pull out their phone and hand you it, showing the post in question.

    “Wait, what?” you ask. “Those are song lyrics. To a very popular song! I shared them for a ‘Throwback Thursday’.”

    “Hmm, no,” they say, taking their phone back. “I’m still seeing a cry for help. Like, what about this one: ‘All I want is to sleep and pizza and do nothing and sleep’? That sounds pretty depressed.”

    “That was one of those online things where people let auto-complete write a post for them.”

    “Sure, then how do you explain this post, where you describe how you wish the food truck across the street would ‘run you over’ if you ‘tipped extra’ for your burrito before you got back in from lunch?”

    “That’s a really old post I made when I was at my old job. The one I left for this job! I made that joke to vent. Other people liked it.” Specifically two people: a friend, and the food truck’s company (which you presume auto-likes any mention of their brand).

    Your manager sighs as they shake their head.

    “Come on, now, you don’t have to hide. You can be honest.” They lean in again. “This is sophisticated software; it wouldn’t lie. Its algorithm combed through your life and crunched the numbers. You are depressed. And, if you’re feeling depressed, we want to make sure the company isn’t placing any undue stress on you. Wouldn’t want you turning around and saying we’re unfair, or that we torment you with public speaking, huh?” No one laughs at their non-joke. The HR rep briefly writes something on their notepad. “Right. Well, when we ask you to hand the presentation off to Robert, it’s not just because we want it to turn out well, it’s because we want you to be well, too.”

    “You’re punishing me because of memes?” you ask, unsure of how much incredulity you can show without further risking your job.

    “Oh, no, of course not,” they reply, “we would never!” At this point your manager doesn’t even try to hide that they’re assuring the HR rep more than they’re talking to you. “This company does not punish depression. In fact,” they add, turning back to you, “why don’t you take the rest of the day off? We’ll mark it down as a sick day, a day for ‘personal care’, even.” They nod to themself, satisfied. “I’ll mark it down in your time sheet right now.”

    They pull out their phone and begin typing, finished with this meeting. You want to tell them not to do that, since you only have a limited number of sick days, but feel there’d be no use arguing. You stand up, at a loss for words. As you slowly turn to leave you find the HR rep is pointing towards the printer in the room. It prints off something you deduce they sent remotely. It appears to be a pamphlet. The person in the monitor motions for you to pick it up, their face set in the textbook definition of a polite smile. The pamphlet is titled Dealing with Depression.

    Your smartwatch pings as you grab the pamphlet and the screen displays an ad for succulents. You turn the watch off.

    You don’t feel like going home right away. You instead head to a nearby cafe and order the kind of sugary latte you know isn’t worth the high price and higher calorie count, but you could use the comfort. There are no real baristas here, only machines that charge you extra to print a picture of yourself onto the latte foam. You pay the extra amount. You then sign on to the free wifi, checking off the terms and conditions you didn’t read, and take a picture of your cup to share online. Not five minutes of browsing later you get a call from your mom. You plug in your headset and answer.

    “Are you alright?” she asks.

    “Yeah, how do you mean?” You wonder why everyone’s asking you that today.

    “Because you’re not at work!” You realize now that the picture you just posted is location-tagged. “And I know what kind of drinks you like when you’re feeling sad; I’m your mother, after all.” You should’ve never accepted her friend request.

    “No, it’s not that, it’s just… I’m alright. Working from home today, but I figured I’d grab a coffee. That’s all, I promise.”

    You don’t think she believes you but her silence tells you she won’t push if you don’t want to tell her the truth. You instead get a notification on your phone that your mom has sent you a “poke”, a feature that only moms still remember exists. She breaks the silence first.

    “Well, okay then,” she offers, “if you say so. Anyways, there was something else I wanted to ask you about.” Her tone gets conspiratorial for her next question. “Are you and Jamie dating?”

    “What?!” You nearly choke on your latte. “No! Why do you think that?”

    “Your aunts told me,” she answers plainly. “And, apparently, some of their friends told them first. They’re still not used to, you know, those kinds of relationships.” As progressive as your mom can be, her age and upbringing still show from time to time.

    “I don’t even know my aunts’ friends, why would they think I’m dating Jamie?”

    “They saw your picture online.”

    You rub your eye, annoyed.

    “What picture, mom?”

    “Well,” she starts, and if phones still had cords you could imagine your mom twirling hers now, wrapping her finger as she shares the gossip, “you see, one of your aunts’ friends was online and saw you as a suggested friend.” You never understood what algorithms determined those suggestions. “She was curious, so she went in and browsed your page. There it was, a photo of the two of you, looking pretty close and cozy.”

    You check your account on your phone. There’s no way someone randomly looking you up online could’ve seen that photo. Although, how many times did the site tell you they were updating their privacy policy and you opted to skip the details of what that meant?

    “Mom, didn’t you see that picture yourself before? That was just Jamie and me playing around. You know we’re just friends.”

    “Yes, I thought it was nothing. But, those friends of your aunts talk a lot, and they do seem very convinced. I looked at the picture again and it got me thinking.” Her tone gets conspiratorial again. “Are you dating Jamie? I’d have nothing against it. Your father, though…” You block the headset mic to hide your exasperated sigh, and then interrupt before she can finish the thought.

    “We’re not close, mom, not like that. My aunts and their friends are making up stories.” You wonder how scrutinized any future pictures you post will be. Maybe you should restrict how much of your profile your mom can access. You’ll have to figure out the new privacy settings first.

    “Yes, fine, you’re right. I’m simply saying they sounded convinced, is all.” You can almost picture her busying herself with some chores at home to prove that she’s over it. And yet she adds, “I will say, though, that if you were with Jamie, I’d be very supportive. Jamie’s lovely, and would be lucky to have you.”

    You hide another exasperated sigh and change the topic. When she’s had her fill of catching up, your mom says goodbye and you hang up.

    You sit in the cafe, your mouth contorted in contemplation save for when you sip from your cup. You thought you were good at keeping your personal and online lives separate, but thanks to dubious algorithms and out-of-touch inquirers, your agency at work has been diminished and your sexuality is being questioned by people who’d be less than understanding. Even if you restrict who gets access to your information, what little slips through the cracks is still interpreted without context. Is that what the internet is now? For people to be data-mined so other people can make assumptions? Who wanted it that way?

    Your phone sets off with another notification, informing you that a local indoor plant store has followed you online. They specialize in succulents.

    You almost laugh out loud at the insanity of it. Of course; this hunt for data is mostly the hunt for ad revenue. While it’s a marvel how fervently someone on the other side of the screen wants to believe they understand you, advertisers are the ones who set the system up. And even they can’t seem to get it right!

    The fever of frustration breaks, giving way to a fever of defiance. Why leave room to be misinterpreted? You decide to live your online life unabashedly and unafraid to share all. Will someone be tracking your moves? You don’t care, but if they are you hope they can keep up.

    You grab your phone and browse with fury and determination. You share news articles and let your political leanings lay bare as you never had before. You hit “publish” on every dumb joke and inane thought you had previously hid shamefully as drafts. You post all of the pictures in your phone, and when you’re done with those you take a couple more. You follow musicians, actors, and influencers alike, so that no one would have to guess what your tastes are. You join in as many forum conversations as you can, and only stop when a person you’re arguing with, who has an anime-girl profile picture, threatens to dox you. You log off.

    When you finally get home you’re bleary eyed from unblinking browsing and shaky from the excess of caffeine. You want nothing more than to decompress. As you turn on your TV to search for something to stream and zone out to, you call out to your virtual assistant device and say, “Play something soothing.”

    Though your command was vague, as the speakers turn on they start playing exactly what you only now realize you had in mind. You love this band, even if you hadn’t thought of them in a while. Your phone goes off with a notification that this band has a concert coming up soon. As if on instinct triggered by serendipity, you click the notification to buy tickets.

    While browsing various streaming services on your TV you come across several documentaries that you’ve heard confirm a lot of opinions you’ve had on the state of things. While you’d love to be proven correct, you’re more in the mood for something light. You wonder if they have this one funny movie that’s a reboot of a movie that’s based on a book. Before you can remember the title you see it listed. You hit play.

    Ultimately, modern movie watching entails being on your phone, so you scroll through whatever new content was uploaded on your commute home. While you idly browse, you find another tailored ad, this time for a t-shirt boldly claiming that people born the same month as you are kind yet shouldn’t be messed with, each line in a different garish font.

    “Ha,” you laugh to yourself, “what a stupid ad.” Even after all the data you gave them, advertisers are no better than your manager or your aunts, thinking they know you and what’s best for you.

    Suddenly the page you’re on refreshes. What loads first is the ad, this time for a different shirt that’s admittedly more your style. The tagline reads, “Your life, your look.” Unsettled by the coincidence and feeling like you’ve found yourself in a conversation with your phone you didn’t know you were having, you try to click on a different link. More content loads just at that moment, though, shifting the layout of the page and leading you to click on the ad instead. Surprised, you fumble with your phone to close what’s popped up, but as your panicked fingers slip your phone decides you mean to go through with the order. You adjust your hold on your phone but somehow manage to set off a biometric scan that confirms the purchase.

    As if queued by your consumerist momentum, an ad interrupts the movie you’re watching (since when did this streaming service have ads?). The volume seems to increase on its own as the TV blares at you.

    “You don’t necessarily feel you age, so why look your age? Our skin cream can miraculously take 5 years off your face, letting your inner youth shine through.” The ad shows a model before and after using the cream. It makes a specific point of telling you the model’s age, which is your age.

    You search frantically for the remote to turn the volume down. No matter what angle you point the remote at it, the TV refuses to recognize your button pushing. You get up and simply turn off the TV manually. This gives your virtual assistant device space to chime in with a separate ad.

    “Tired of the long commute to your workplace? Find more free time while moving into one of the fastest growing neighbourhoods that’s perfect for you.” The voice emanating from your speakers describes listings in a building that you recognize is half a block away from your office. You run to unplug the device.

    One by one more “smart” appliances in your home, devices that you now question their need for internet connectivity, begin to play or display ads that were made to appeal to you exactly.

    “Our energy efficient windows fit your green lifestyle!” your thermostat boasts, citing a climate change article you just read.

    “Let us deliver the groceries you need for the recipes you love!” your fridge demands, listing off your actual favourite recipes.

    “Bzzt!” vibrates your electric toothbrush, calling you to look at its charger’s digital screen and see an ad for a dental clinic, featuring a close up of a mouth you’re weirdly certain is actually yours.

    As your apartment comes alive with the sounds of aggressive advertising, you’re terrified. You step out onto the balcony. You think to yourself, and only to yourself, that you need to get away.

    A delivery drone floats up from under your balcony and stops right at your eye level. It’s been outfitted with a display monitor. It plays a video.

    “Looking for a vacation?” it asks. “Why not fly out to Pasadena, California? You can visit the Cactus & Succulent Society of America’s annual show and sale!”